My elderly flat refuses to use his wheelchair, walker or can properly. The thing that concerns me most is the fact that he pushes his wheelchair from behind, I am afraid it's going to fly right out from under him. When I try to get him to use his rollator (with brakes and a place to sit if he becomes tired or unstable) walker in the same manor he pushes it out as far as his arms stretch and then walks with such a shaky, wobbly bent in half gait. If he uses his 4 point cane, he turns it backwards. If I adjust it to left hand, he flips it the other way. Some days it feels like he's being totally obstinate. I've had professionals in to visit- physio, occupational. When they are here he acts like an angel that has no idea what I'm talking about. As soon as they are gone he refuses to do the exercises and reverts back to the concerning behavior. Is this a way to exert the last bit of control he thinks he has? One of these days he is going to fall forward and he has no reflexes so I'm afraid he's going to bust up his face or worse, break his wrists. I already do everything for him, sometimes including huge bathroom messes. I can't possibly be up all night taking him to the bathroom and wiping his behind. It's one thing when he just has accidents, but another entirely when he just won't comply and puts himself in danger despite my daily pleading to use his aides properly,
Put the cane away. Has he been evaluated for dementia? He sounds like my DH aunt. She used a cane for years as her gait was off due to the dementia. The four pronged wasn’t advised in her case. When she began to hug the walls, cling to everyone within reach for support etc, it was time for a full time walker. In her case she used the standard with tennis balls and then the rollator.
Due to the dementia (IMO) she looked like she was mowing the lawn with a mower that wasn’t self propelling. Something she loved to do well into her 80s. She loves her rollator but likes her hospital bed best these days.
Ask for physical therapy often. It will keep him going longer. Make a decision on which device is most appropriate and put the others away. Too confusing for him.
He will forget about the ones out of sight after you and therapist figure out which is safest for him at this time. If you already know he shouldn’t be using the wheelchair, let it disappear until it’s needed for you to transport him.
He responds well to the therapist because he is using a different part of his brain. (check out some Teepa Snow videos on YouTube).
He won’t be able to retain too much of what the therapist instructs but the exercises will strengthen him and give him a diversion while they are there. My mom had OT until she died. My aunt has therapy once a week when she is able and she is on hospice.
Your admonishments are just upsetting you, they aren’t helping him. If you have to do everything else for him, consider that he is probably doing the best he can on the things he still tries to do.
For what it’s worth, aunt with her dementia has never had a walker fall. Her falls are coming now that she has forgotten she even needs a walker.
My mom, without dementia, had her one fall using a rollator because she hadn’t been taught what not to do. After she got that down in rehab, no more falls. She felt safer with the standard walker with the tennis balls so that’s what she used.
My mom was never totally incontinent but she started wearing depends when she saw rushing to the bathroom was a sure way to fall.
Your dad may need a bedside commode for nights and disposable men’s briefs. Think about it and when you decide, replace all his regular underwear with the disposables. It will enable him to make a quicker, less stressful transition.
Your dad will go through stages as he declines. It’s hard for them and hard for us to adapt and keep up. Many make the decision that bathroom help is something they won’t do. He will need the help as you already know. You just have to decide if it will be from you or an aide or a facility.
Welcome to the forum.
IN FRONT OF HIM, tell the therapist that he is NOT COMPLIANT with recommendations. Let the therapist read him the riot act.
You need to stop “pleading”. In time, your interest can become a “payoff” for his stubbornness, and you don’t want that to happen if it hasn’t already.
If he actually has a diagnosis of dementia, his attitude may be a reflection of his growing inability to lack perception of his abilities. In that case, you could hire someone for “companionship” and assign them to stay with him when he moves. If he (and you) ARE dealing with real diagnosed dementia, you have to begin to accept the fact that it’s “can’t comply”, NOT necessarily “won’t comply”.