Daughters wedding is out of state. I thought I had this covered months ago through taking mom to doctor and her putting a care plan together for her. When no one called from anywhere earlier this month I got nervous.
Mother refuses to go to a skilled nursing facility and she doesn't qualify for a skilled nurse at home but has 44 days a year for it at home.
So basically, because she needs somone to help her cleanliness needs and personal hygiene, food, balance, and pretty much everything but taking her meds as I always have them ready for her she doesn't get help. I make a 11 an hour. Can't pay for help. Any ideas?
Doesn't seem to be a charity for us. I feel like I'm falling through the crack.
I am giving up my my best years as a single woman who had raised, educated and molded two wonderful, productive young adults. I'm doing this willingly. I need a little help once in a while but it just isn't there.

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Absolutely agree you MUST go. Think of your daughter's disappointment not to have her mother present on her big day. Mom has encouraged yu to go so you tell her her only option is skilled nursing care even if is only for a couple of days.
How are you planing to get there if you have so little money?
In our area people often have benefits for people who need funds for things like medical care or after a house fire. Would that be a possibility.
You have a problem but there are always solutions. SO GO.
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Sandwiched, have you made any headway?
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"Mom isn't stopping me and wants me to go."

"mother refuses to go to a skilled facility"

These two statements are contradictory. She is manipulating you.

Please DO NOT miss your daughter's wedding, both for you daughter's sake and for yours!

(Are there any other relatives? Sibs? Are you her sole social support?)
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Are there no funds left after what I am assuming mother gets in SS? Is there not a friend that can keep an eye on her for a few days? Absolutely, DO NOT miss your daughter's wedding.
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You say " mother refuses to go to a skilled facility". That's where she should be for the wedding so that you can have total peace of mind. Sorry mom, not your choice.

Say mom falls at home on the morning of the wedding? Wouldn't you rather she be somewhere with trained nurses on staff, a doctor who can order a mobile x-ray? Rather than someone who will call you up and ask how soon you can come home?

I know what my choice would be.
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Sandwiched, how sad! Thanks for this clarification. Yes, there is a lot of "falling through the cracks" in healthcare. So sorry you are in this fix!

Have you looked into respite care? I know it is terribly expensive, but sometimes there are "scholarships" or other programs to help pay for it. If you visit a respite facility and they can't help you, ask them for suggestions. "What would you do if your mother were in this situation?"

I sincerely hope you can find a solution. Keep us informed.
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Mom isn't stopping me and wants me to go. She just has an amputation and can't get around the house without help. I need to be there for her toilet needs and to help her remain ambulorty.
My problem is she falls through the cracks in he benefits. If she needed a skilled nurse it would be covered. She needs a Cna and that is considedered a caregiver not skilled.
Just in between every thing as usual.
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NO, Absolutely NOT!!! Do not even Think of missing your Daughter's wedding!
It is the Biggest day of her life to this point, and is probably yours too! Your Mother is just going to need to get Over It!

You will never forgive yourself if you do! And you will never forgive your own Mother if you don't!

She should be pushing you out the door, unless she doesn't have the mental awareness to understand the importance of the occasion! Please, as Mom who just married off her only daughter Las summer, don't miss it! It was the highlight of my life seeing her So Happy! You deserve to see this Wonderful Event!
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No. Absolutely and definitely you do NOT miss your daughter's wedding. This is (we hope) a once-in-a-lifetime milestone not only in her life, but in yours as well.

I know you love your mother very much. But mother does not get to decide this. What if you got run over by a beer truck tomorrow? Mother would have no choice about accepting other care. Well, fortunately, this happy event isn't taking you away from her forever, just for several days. So, buck up Mother, here is what is going to happen while I am away. You tell her your decision, and it isn't open to negotiation.

It sounds like using some of those 44 days of in-home nursing care would make sense. Are there obstacles to that?

Your profile doesn't mention dementia or cognitive decline. I'm having a little trouble understanding why she isn't eager to have you go be the mother of the bride, her grandchild. I assume her health makes it not feasible for her to travel out of state -- ?
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