Mini strokes and UTI's when on comfort care. Input? - AgingCare.com

Mini strokes and UTI's when on comfort care. Input?

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My mother fell in the nursing home and hit her head on the toilet . She told me she had been almost falling a lot lately. I told the nursing staff. A few days later the head nurse asked me on my way into her room to look at her and see if she was acting strangely. I did and she was her head was leaned back (she was in her wheelchair) and sideways she was not answering me when I spoke to her. I went back to the nurses station and told them I thought my mom was having a stroke ( she is under hospice care) they came and tested her blood sugar which was normal her BP which was a little high and she had a low grade fever. They check her urine and before the results came back they started her on an antibiotic. My mom the next day was better and talking but didn't seem to be able to follow directions. Later that night they called me back to the nursing home saying they thought she had a stroke, when I got there her head was sideways on the pillow her tongue was sideways in her mouth she could not speak nor swallow and again running a fever. They gave her a suspository for her fever and a dose of morphine (which she gets for heart pain) next day she was talking again but not the same. Now I realize that she is under comfort care and really what can they do but I believe she had a stroke the day she fell and I believe the UTI came from her brain and bladder not communicating to void. They only way they could get pee out of her yesterday was to get her to cough while on the bedpan with that method they got 500cc out. She had told them moments before she did not have to go. I just would like some opinions on this. I do not want any extreme measures be taken but I would like output from you guys

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I won't get into the good or bad of hospice having been a hospice nurse and although I say it myself a very good one for ten years. Everyone has the right to make decisions for themselves. Educate yourself and ask questions. Just because someone has letters after their name does not mean they know everything. Insist they find an answer to your question that you can understand and until they do don't do something you disagree with. The main goals at the end of life are comfort, especially pain relief and freedom from anxiety. It does not matter if the patient sleeps 22 hours a day. Does not want to eat, no problem. Give whatever the patient fancies but in a minute serving on a tiny plate, a couple of teaspoons may be enough, but faced with a dinner plate of her previously favorite meal is simply going to intimidate. keep everything moist and easy to chew and swallow. Offer liquids in tiny glasses and cups. keep the mouth moist and clean. Don't take a whole carton of pudding or yogurt to the bedside, again a table spoon serving is more appealing. Serve food on the prettiest dishes you have. Use a pretty dish towel rather than a bib to protect clothes and bedding. If there are children in the house who can be trained feeding grandma is a good task for them. The interaction will be good for both generations.
CarolLynn, you are a wise and thoughtful woman. I found your explanation of your beliefs about passing into the afterlife very helpful and inspiring
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2ts - hi kathy, do you have a belief system about what happens to our being when we cross over? Even though I love her and took care of her at home to the very end (well, all but the last 9 days actually), my mom was a Yeller and hitter in all of my younger years and I jokingly say that her personal belief was that everyone was entitled to her opinion (altho she did NOT want to hear anyone else's). As you may imagine, my teenage years were stressful. Most things even doubt as I was an adult but flipped back to her prior behavior - somewhat instigated by a self centered sibling - in her last 10 years, fueled primarily by her oncoming drug,induced dementia.

I asked the initial question because I want to share with you that I believe when our soul, essence, inner being, whatever one calls it leaves the physical body behind and returns strictly to the non physical realm, that energy is now all knowing on a universal level about laws, kindness, love, etc. and that there are no ugly departed souls.

I just asked my higher power to deal with my mom as if she were someone else (as she mostly wasn't herself anymore anyway), not be drawn to her level and know that open, healthy communication would be possible after she passed to the non-physical.

I don't know if it will help you but that's my take...many hugs!
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jms712....I am so sorry for what you are having to go through. Just keep in mind that she doesn't really mean those mean things she is saying. Just keep doing what you have to and it will all work out in the end. Good luck to you and keep in touch with all of us....it's nice to have people to talk to. There is also a group on Facebook called Alzheimer's Cafe. If you are on Facebook, look it up and join. There are 193 members so you can get good help.
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I just found this website yesterday and I feel so comforted to know that there are others experiencing the same feelings. Mom is 90 and in Assisted Living. She has several health concerns but the dementia has been rolling in at a fast speed. She was retested after concerns and she did show consider decline. I now have not only POA but something called Decisional Capacity (for health and financial concerns). She had gotten it in her mind that she was moving back to where she previously lived. She got someone to take her there a few weeks ago. This person does not have permission to take her out of the building. She is since banned from taking her anywhere. My mom can not get it out into her head that she can't move or that she has dementia. Today, 2 women from her facility called me via a conference call to tell me that she threatened to call a cab and leave AND that she was calling a mover to move her possessions. They requested that I get in touch with the place that she wanted to move to. I was to ask the director there to call her and tell her that they don't have any vacancies and she is to call back in about 6 months. I received word back tonight that she will call her tomorrow. I hope she accepts this rejection.

I feel badly that I have to be the mean child and that I have to be the victim of her mean and angry words.

I guess we all need to pray for each other.
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You know I wished she didn't remember but she does...I wished that I had awesome memories to fall back on to make it less painful, but those are far and few. I wish so many things, but reality is she will not change..people say anyone can change, but for her to do that I believe it will take an higher power and she refuses to see the chaplain. She just makes me sad and mad...I hate she ended up in a nursing home. Her life style took her health away and I had no other choice. When she was in her apartment she had handicap items all over it. She had Life Alert and the last time she fell before she was placed she had lymphtic fluid leaking from her legs that I had taken her to the doctor for numerous times that we just could not get under control. She never used her life line nor her phone that night. I found her the next day with both beside her on the floor smoking a cigarette. I wished things were different for us. I have always tried to do my very best for her I never wanted her to feel abandoned. I never leave her without kissing her forehead and telling her I love her because I do. I just don't like her much at all. I have children and I cannot imagine ever treating them the way she has treated me. Which even in my 58 year old mind leaves me a need for approval from her...My therapy did help but I truly believe that the only peace will be at the end when I do not go everyday with my stomach in knots. Her quality of life is not good and I know that too, but I cannot fix that. She is surrounded by people that have tried to be friends with her but like one lady who is very nice but my mom said that she does not wear a bra so she will not hang out with her. My mom has been fortunate that she has not had a roommate for more than a couple of days ( she died). I could go on and on and after awhile it is just repetitive whining.
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2tsnana-
My mom also gets quite angry with me at times, accuses me of lying to her, then if she finds out I am lying she will disown me. Even when she had it together she would say these things. But now, is different, because she never remembers these incidents.
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My mom is very unhappy and the way she shows her strength she has left is by being mean. I am her only target I accept that, but I do not think I will ever like it. She will die mad at me and probably me at her. It stops here...I will not be that and if I ever do start in that direction I hope that my husband or my children will confront me..the last thing I want is to leave this world mad or feeling someone owes me something. My life is what I make it I know that.
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Hospice is a lifesaver. They come Monday-Friday to bathe her and they are a great comfort. My mom does not like the social worker she said she talks too much, but she has been very helpful to me. My husband had emergency surgery the doctor perforated his bowel during a routine colonostomy. She called to check on me which I truly appreciated. My mom has refused to see the chaplain so I have not met him. My mom's UTI is better she is still confused.
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May Strength and patience be your companions on this difficult journey.
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your mother could have been in a diabetic coma from her UTI . I went thru the same thing with my mom and it was harrowing . she was at home and i took care of her, so i took her to the ER right away and her symptoms were pretty much like your mom's . its one thing you can look into . maybe you might have to talk to her doctor about a catheter since she is having a problem with passing urine . I must warn u that having a catheter while helping will in all probabilities cause more regular UTIs . there is really not much that can be done about that except keeping a track of all her moods, the color of her urine, whether or not there r any tiny clumps in the tube or mucus or cloudiness . mostly no one but you will notice these things but you and you will have to fight with everyone who runs the facility your mother is at . dont let anyone get the better of you . as long as you notice something it exists and dont let ANYONE second guess you cos you know mom best . its tough but hang in there, theres not much else you can do but that . and we are here for you, :) .
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