Mild dementia, mean, controlling and abusive, how do I find a place for her on a limited budget?

Are you her PoA or legal guardian? If not, then the "out" that you have is to stop being her caregiver and allow the county to acquire guardianship of her. Then, they will be responsible to figure out all that you're worried about.

Also, you don't specify about what "antics" are likely to get her kicked out... is she physically aggressive? Does she wander? Please provide more info.

If you are her PoA (or someone else is), then consult with a Medicaid Planner for her home state and stop assuming about what she'll qualify for or not. Know facts by talking to professionals, even an estate planner or elder law attorney. They can give you strategies or answers that you will need.

My MIL is in a faith-based facility run by the Presbyterian Church even though was has never been of that religion. It is a fantastic place. These types of facilities see the care as a mission, and also are supported by a larger, financially stable organization and are non-profit, so their prices are more reasonable. See if you can find any of these types of facilities in her area.

If your LO now willingly takes medication, can she be given something to reduce the likelihood of her "antics"? Talk to her doctor.

Oftentimes in caregiving there are no great or even good solutions, only "least bad" options. I wish you success in finding affordable and appropriate care for her.

Thank you for your response. She has some funds, and right now we are at 3000 per month. She is able to bathe herself, and needs no medication prompting although she fixates every time her pill caddy is refilled so gets anxious over that. My concerns stem from looking around at the assisted living places and the jaw dropping prices, and not being able to afford or stretch it down the line. She is not considered low income right now, so she wouldn't qualify for vets spouse assistance, and or I don't think any other kind of assistance. Her behavior is an extension of who she has always been but we are aware that aging and changes in environment will create its own issues, and we are trying to address and be as actionable as we can be when things arise. Problem is she has always behaved a certain way and at times it's hard to know where one thing ends and the other begins. She's not happy being at the place which has been 3 weeks now. Yet says how nice the other residents are (doesn't like the staff though).Constantly, trashes us to whomever will listen, (they tell us) and has other residents worrying for her. In other words, she commands attention and gains sympathy by manipulating others. She did this years ago when she lived in another place, then came to live with us because it was thought that maybe if she had more family involvement, she would fare better. She lived in another state, then moved here. I was committed to doing what I could for her as no other family members wanted to be involved. It was a mistake for certain but nevertheless, we want her to get the best care and are trying to manage this in the present with an eye on the future. The place she is at is nice, and everyone seems really caring and for now it's affordable so we're hoping the director doesn't eventually ask her to leave. You aren't being harsh. These are the realties, I know. Worrying that there won't be enough funds when she needs it or as we have to progress her to something else, causes me anxiety. Also, if she has to leave this place, it's going to exacerbate her behavior further. The director understands the dynamics and says he's familiar with this kind of thing so he's willing to give it a few months. Crossing fingers, hoping and praying by that time she will acclimate and calm down. She will always trash me, I'm the target but if she could accept that this is a healthy and caring place where she has no end of people to talk to or do things with, maybe some of the antics will drop off. Wishful thinking probably.

When the anxiousness, anger, antica, and hysterics get to the point where it's a real problem, the person is beyond any kind of "indepedent" living.

She probably needs a memory care facility.

I'm going to level with you as a person with 25 years of experience as an in-home caregiver to the elderly and as a homecare business owner.

You're not getting anything on a "budget". If the person you're talking about (who I'm going to assume is family to you) is low-income the option is Medicare and Medicaid to pay for services.

She will not get live-in or even several hours a day of homecare service on Medicare and Medicaid. She will probably get a few hours a day a few times a week.

So pretty much her choices are a memory care facility. That's where people with dementia who are low-income go.

I apologize if this sounds harsh, but it's true.