First I want to thank everyone so very much for all your helpful information.
my husband and I went to Florida and drove back with his mom. The facility that she was at was just awful, beyond anything that I could have imagined. The things that they did to her were unimaginable.
Now with that being said, we did move her into a nursing home the very next day. We quickly learned that with all her incontinency and bowel accidents there was no way that we could help her at the house.
She is upset that she is at a nursing home, and IF they evaluate her and say that she is able to move to an assisted living facility again like she was in ( but a good place!!!) then ok. If not she will remain unhappy with very nice people and her own room. She was in a shared room that the lady she shared the room with only gave her 1/3 of the room and none of the bathroom
space for her personal things. Not even soap.
At least now we have her close where we can visit several times a week.
Thank you again for all your help!!
Now at least you both can visit her and enjoy her company and there will be none of the anger and resentment that would have come from trying to manage her incontinence and all the work that went along with that.
And try and ignore the complaints about the nursing home from MIL. If she is having that many accidents and needs assistance with getting cleaned up, etc multiple times a day, 7 days a week then she is well past assisted living at this point.
So few take the time and have the courtesy to do that.
Such good news.
You have no idea how helpful it is for future posters to know that your story had a relatively happy ending.