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My MIL’s mental health is not right. She goes from severe depression to being overbearing in our lives. She continues to change from day to day we never know what we will encounter. She is slipping and nobody else in the family seems to see it. She seems to want to mother her son like he is a child again and she seems to want me to run our household like she runs hers as if I’m not capable on my own. Her behavior is strange with her son, yesterday she bought him a little child like toy and asked him to be her valentine leaning all over him as she did so. Her movements are never great but they seemed almost intoxicated (which I am sure was not the case). This is not her normal behavior by any means. How does dementia look in the beginning? Is this it? What do we do when she refuses to go to the doctor? She lives alone and we have no power over her other than he has the right to speak to her doctor. We can’t force her to go to the doctor and we have asked her to go and she refused. The whole month of December she was depressed and difficult to be around due to negative behavior. Yesterday she was almost hyperactive and over joyous. Any advice is welcome. We are at a loss and extremely worried. Thanks.

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You are at a loss because you don't know what you're dealing with and how to handle at it. So, use any trick or fib you can come up with to get MIL to a doctor and/or specialist so they can check her and tell you why she's behaving the way she is. Once you know what the problem is, then you can go from there.

Here are a few suggestive fibs to use. Your MIL may still be too smart for some of the lines below, so change them to suit her mental state.

"MIL, your health insurance will be canceled if you don't go to the doctor at least every 6 months. That's the new law/rule. "

"MIL, your doctor found a lump in ___, and it could be serious. He/she said you MUST have it checked out."

"MIL, your blood test came back, and the result for ____ is very high, way out of range, you doctor says you MUST go to the ____specialist to check it out."

"MIL, we want to take you on a trip, so you need a health clearance before you go."

Good luck. Do come back and let us know if you were able to convince her.
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Call her doctor ahead of her next appointment and explain what is going on. Ask them to do a cognitive/mental health check during her appt. and request that they not mention to her that you called. My husband noticed changes in my MIL at Christmas and made this call to her doctor right after the holidays. Lets you off the hook and gives the doctor a heads up to make sure she is okay.
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She needs a full eval. Tell her Medicare requires that she see a doctor once a year.
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karenb0304 Jan 2020
She won’t be honest with the doctor is our problem. I will go with her to make sure she is. Thank you for the help.
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Sounds like it is time for a mental health check, a dementia check. Also a physical with a check for a UTI. Are you certain there is no self medicating going on with alcohol or other things? Many depressions come with anger, as it either manifests as anger or withdrawal, and sometimes alternating, but the joyous is way out of the norm and sounds like medication, or a bipolar type thing. Good luck.
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karenb0304 Jan 2020
Thank you. I had not remembered to ask about the UTI and she caths so I think that makes her more at risk for a UTI. I will go to the doctor with her and express my concerns since I know she won’t be honest with him on her own. She has an appt scheduled for this month I believe. Keep your fingers crossed. Thanks for the advice.
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