My MIL has been in the hospital most of this year for pneumonia, blood clots, falling, breathing issues, pneumonia again, etc. She has a history of getting herself discharged too early despite us fighting her to stay, goes home by herself, doesn’t take care of herself and we end up having to call a welfare check on her and she goes back to the hospital- usually the ICU. We live 4 hours away.
This time we pleaded her to finish her rehabilitation and therapy in the hospital and then come stay with us a while until she gets strong enough to be home alone. She agreed.
Her mental state has been questionable this year, but we felt it was mostly brought on from being in the hospital. Lots of confusion, defiant, and lying. The past week she has been clearer than ever mentally.
Long story short - she promised her son (my husband) she wouldn’t try to talk to doctors in letting her go home anymore, etc. and just finish her rehab like we asked. We got a call today she was being discharged and her friend was taking her home. She refused to have the caseworker call us. He finally got ahold of the caseworker - she volunteer the fact his Mom had pleaded to go home and told them she had help at home. My husband then called his Mom - who was home by herself by then - and she lied and came up with a huge story about how she couldn’t believe the doctors decided she could go home! He didn’t confront her about it bc it would definitely squash any chance of her agreeing to still coming to stay with us.
She can hardly walk, needs oxygen, probably can’t get on and off the toilet herself, and surely can’t fix herself food. She has continuously lied and manipulated to get her way, even at the cost of her own health and well being.
We are at our wits end and have done everything in our power to help her and she just won’t help herself. DH has drove down and spent every other weekend this year with her. We have two young children and our family needs to come first.
How do you all handle this?! She is still talking on coming to stay with us for a few weeks until she gets back on her feet, but I doubt it will ever happen. If it does I don’t know how I can not be mad at her for betraying us, again. We have been through hell this year putting up with her lies and manipulation and she seems to have no idea.
Tell DH that his family needs him and he needs to stop babysitting mom at the expense of his wife and children.
Why should she do anything different, she is calling the shots and everyone is dancing to her tune. That needs to stop before she will change anything.
I would request a wellbeing check and say that she is a danger to herself. It is true and she needs some serious intervention.
Are you ready to be her fulltime caregiver? Because that is what you are doing bringing her into your home. She has already proven that she will do anything to get her way, do you really want to deal with that while trying to raise youngsters and teach them how to be responsible, productive, honest adults?
At this point it is about needs and not wants unless she is willing to do this all solo. Which means that she has a very short life expectancy.
I would be upset too. So sorry. Can your husband speak to her doctor and have the doctor speak to her? She can’t keep trying to control the situation. Don’t allow her to stay in your home.
I would not bring her to stay with you.