MIL is refusing to eat and it's going on 2 days! My husband wants to tell her if she does't eat, he will take her to the hospital.

YOU should tell her? Why doesn't HE tell her?

It sounds as though his mom would benefit from a psychiatric workup. Have you talked to her doctor about these behaviors? Have you considered that she may have a UTI?

Don’t threaten a person with dementia, she’s not capable of understanding that. Take her to either her doctor or the ER to be evaluated, tell what you’ve observed and let them do their jobs in figuring out a plan

It’s time for you to tell absentee hubby that you’re done. MIL needs to go. For heaven’s sake, if you can’t even enjoy your grandchildren in your own home, that’s awful.

My mother had the potential to be like that too. If the attention was off her for any length of time, she got snarky and pure D nasty. When she began to make noise about moving in with me, I put the end to that real fast.

You pretty much sealed your fate when you agreed to become her caregiver without really knowing her. Why did you? Well, it’s time to unseal it, plant your foot up your husband’s backside and tell him you’re researching facilities for her. Enlist the help of her doctor. If she winds up in the ER, refuse to bring her home and tell the social, worker why. Mention do-nothing hubby and your own burnout. Hopefully someone has POA for her.

I guess the only thing you can do is tell her what will happen when she doesn't eat. When it happens, call the ambulance. Really, u probably can't reason with her. She is like a child. She will get hungry.

You said "my daughter" so not ur husbands. Were the kids a little overwhelming? Dementia people aren't good in situations like this. Next time watch her. If she becomes anxious, take her someplace quite and let DH sit with her till she calms down. She may not realize why she feels the way she does so just pouts.

This whole situation isn't fair to you. His means of coping with her are ignoring her as much as he's able. She's been difficult her whole life, probably.

An idea: maybe she is not eating out of spite, anger or control? My grandmother did this when she was in a NH to recover from a broken hip. In her 90s, she didn't have dementia, but not stable emotionally. She lost 30 lbs, insisting "it's just water". Refused Ensure or anything like it. We'd bring things we knew she liked, and she'd turn her head and frown. We finally had a "Come to Jesus" meeting with her, us, and her doctor. Told her if she kept this up, she'd have to get a feeding tube. She said, "No!". Doctor said "It's up to you. I can't force you to get a tube. But I'm telling you now that if you keep starving, you will get weaker and you're going to die." That did it. Death was her biggest fear, so she started eating. Not enough really, but better than nothing.

What it came down to, is she was mad. Didn't want to be there, scared, can't do for herself, not in control. She established control and showed her anger by not eating. Almost an "I'll show them!" attitude. And she didn't consciously think to do it really, was just how she reacted. Even with dementia it's possible... 3-year-olds can do the same!

A trip to the ER gets her evaluated and starts the process to get her in a NH. Refuse to have her released to your care. When husband protests, give the reality check: She is going to decline and will need more help than what you both could provide, so might as well start on this before it gets truly bad. He can take the reins if he wants to keep her at home (because you are DONE!) but he'll have to quit his job. Which he won't. Hello, facility.

She's setting herself up for a host of problems including dehydration, electrolyte imbalance, and hypoglycemia which will eventually lead to hyperglycemia when she does eat. This is dangerous. If she is a danger to herself then you need to consider a PMCU, psychiatric medical care unit. If she continues to represent a danger to herself they will 302 her for her own good. Then they may use a peg tube, fliuid and electrolyte replacement, psych medication, etc. I guarantee she won't like it. May be enough for a compliance cure.

Take her to the hospital stat ..she needs the fluids and maybe have a uti ..do it now please call 911

First of all, Your husband's MOM>!! YOUR MIL. Your husband needs to tell her, NOT YOU.

You are doing enough, time for hubby to take mom to hospital if that is what needs to be done.. He needs to patiently step in, take her to hospital. If she is not eating, or drinking she could have UTI. Have him call doctor for advice. Take her to hospital or make an appointment? Urgent Care usually will not take elderly people, well, not in my case, they always sent me hospital.

Again Husband needs to tell Mom. Period.

UTI's can scramble a body and brain VERY QUICKLY. I'm late on this post. Get her in now, ask questions later. You don't need to tell Mom nothing. Hubby can explain situation to her while in emergency.. He will have plenty of time to talk and catch up on things.

Have him pack his cell phone, charger, jacket, change of clothes for her and diapers if needed, snacks for him, bottles of water, a magazine or book. Have fun in ER, but they will find the issues and UTI if it's there. And her favorite blanket, it can get cold and a familiar blanket always makes er more comfy.

Pack hubby a bag for the er visit, it helps...

Never be afraid to ask for the "warm" blankets that are heated if she gets cold. ER is always cold.