I share caregiving of MIL with DH. She has always been extremely tight with money which comes from decades of conditioning from her controlling husband who has since passed away. She sends me in search of unicorns… For example, sunglasses that fit perfectly over her existing regular glasses, cost $10, and are available on the spot. Or, a mattress that costs $99 and includes free haul away of the old one. Most recently, she wanted me to shop around for the cheapest dental service. She’s been seeing the same dentist for over a decade and he’s fine.
She is not a victim of the Great Depression and has enough money to last the rest of her life. I realize I am very fortunate in that regard. It’s as if $10 is the same as $10,000 to her. She frets constantly.
By necessity, I have gotten better at recognizing when she’s sending me down the path in search of a unicorn. She is sensitive and insistent, and also has a bit of dementia. She’s not really capable of solving these problems on her own, hence, her request that I spend my time doing it. I don’t want to snap at her, but when I decline to spend an entire day trying to save her $10, she gets very upset with me. She means well, but has no concept of time or money. She really never has. She fixates.
Has anyone else experienced this, and if so, what has worked?
And as you stated, it is likely cause by her tight wad, controlling husband.
My aunt was like this as she grew up in an abusive home during the Depression, lacking the basic necessities. It was ingrained in her to be a tightwad, even though her husband was a good provider. She sent me on a few unicorn journeys as well.
Her son-in-law handled her money (I thank God for him), and did it well. She went for a long time needing a bridge in the front and had a big gap. She fretted and fretted over the money but SIL assured her she had plenty and some insurance. He contacted the dentist and made payment arrangements and gave strict orders they were NOT to let her know the price. Well, she asked and demanded the info. They hemmed and hawed and I think one lady told her it was $200. She believed it and left. (It was really more like $2,000). My sister and I joked that if aunt found out the real price, she'd go storming back to that office, yank out the bridge and slap it on the counter and demand her money back! :-)
And she WOULD HAVE!
She can't have but a certain amount in the bank or she'll have to pay for her own health insurance. So, I remind her to spend it on yourself or the government gets it.
As has been said here. I don't tell her the real cost on some things.
I suggest you tell her what I used to tell my cheap father.
'You can't take it with you'.
Don't go wasting a whole day chasing down unicorns for her or using $25 in gas running around for her so she can save 25 cents. Put the brakes on that now or it will get worse.
In the larger scheme of things, it's a minor issue for me. Perhaps if your time is monetized with an hourly rate your MIL would be able to weigh what she wants you to do against how much it costs you of your time. Just a thought.