My MIL is 90 years old and relatively healthy. She still drives (not sure how well) and loves to be social. The problem is that she has outlived most of her friends or her friends have moved away.
In public she is a joy, she laughs and talks with lots of people. She loves being out and being social. Unfortunately, her last friend recently has had a stroke and moved 2 hours away to be with her daughter. Things are okay now because the weather is good and she can get out and drive places. We live in a northern climate and we get tons of snow, ice and wind. She doesn't want to drive in the winter (nor should she) and then wants my husband to drive her to hair appointments, grocery shopping, errands. My husband already snow blows her drive, serves as a handy man (even though she can afford to have someone do it). He takes her out for breakfast every Saturday and then does what errands he can in the couple of hours he has available. He also calls and does short visits everyday. This however is not enough for her. She has always been difficult when it comes to her family. She and I just have a polite and cordial relationship because she has done many mean things to me. So I stay away as much as possible. She really doens't have that much interest in our children but pouts when they don't visit, even though she won't talk if they do visit or call.
I have been chronically ill for two years and am most homebound. My husband owns his own company and works about 10 hours a day and then has to come home and do the household stuff that I can't do. On my good days, I can cook, do a little laundry and some cleaning. Because most of my treatment is not covered by insurance, it's been very expensive so we really can't afford any help.
My husband has approached my MIL about moving into assisted living. I think she would love it. There are several nice facilities close to where we live. They are almost like living in a resort. She has money so that is not an issue, she just flat out refuses to even look at them. Because she got down right nasty about it my husband just doesn't want to deal with it anymore and just choses to ignore the problem or future problems.
I am worried about this winter when she can't drive and demands more and more time of my husband. Last winter was not good and she was always calling him for something or other. He works so hard and then with the extra demands of his mother he comes home tired and crabby. He is a wonderful husband but everyone has their limits. Unfortunately, he tends to snap and yell at me. This really stresses me out and that is the worse thing for my illness.
I've talked to both of his siblilngs who live on the east and west coast. We live in the midwest. They come to visit once or twice a year for a few days. When I brought the fact that they need to start talking to their mother about moving into assisted living, they agreed but nothing has resulted.
I'm afraid my MIL will damage our marriage. My husband like many men doesn't want to talk about his feelings so then they boil over. I'm really sick so it is so difficult for me to take his frustrations since I already feel like a burden.
I know we can't make her move into an assisted living and understand that my husband needs to set better boundries. But I am hanging on by a string and don't know if I'll be able to wait it out. Does anyone have any suggestions or have been in similiar situations? I would love to hear from you. Thank you so much