How do middle-age caregivers who are forced to care for their parent temporarily, reenter the job force?

If your brother doesn't want your mom to go into a memory care facility then he can stay home and care for her himself.

(If funds are an issue Medicaid pays for a nursing home but your mom would have to be approved first).

When your mom passes, if you don't go back to work, you will be older, jobless, and mom-less. It's a tough spot to be in. I would encourage you to find a job now and make that a priority and find another situation for your mom. Many adults give up their life to care for an elderly parent and find themselves standing among the ashes and the ruins when the parent dies, with nothing to show for those years spent caring for that parent. I know because I was in the exact same predicament. However, I was in my middle 40's at the time and saw what was coming a mile away and was able to salvage my life but just barely.

As for the rages there are medications the Dr. can prescribe to help alleviate them.

1. Get mom to a geriatric psychiatrist for meds for the rages (agitation).
2. Brother is not mom's caregiver. Why does his opinion trump yours?
3. YOU don't pay for your mom's care. Mom pays for mom's care. If mom has no funds, then you apply for Medicaid for her.

The subject of returning to the work force after caregiving was discussed at some length some time ago. These are some search hits for those topics:

https://www.agingcare.com/search.aspx?searchterm=working+after+caregiving

First 4 threads from this search hit:

https://www.agingcare.com/search.aspx?searchterm=returning+to+the+work+force

GladI'mHere is a poster who if I remember correctly very successfully re-entered the work force after caregiving. I've P'M'ed her and asked if she'll offer some suggestions. I believe though that she was finishing a degree in graduate work, so that positioned her better than if she hadn't been continuing her education.


This is a concern with me as well as I plan to re-enter the work force, hopefully next year, but it depends on what else is happening (or whether I stay in the US as a result of the election).

Over the years I've read a number of career planning books, and tried to develop a different perspective, translating the caregiving skills into workable, marketable skills. Although I don't think I could successfully re-enter my former profession b/c of competition from younger, lower paid workers, I do have some options, including the growing field of elder care agencies, senior centers, etc.

E.g., I used to work with a government contracting group planning monthly meetings and annual seminars on current issues in that field. Logistics of planning large seminars translate into a variety of similar events, ranging from the commercial groups which plan holiday crafts sales, senior centers and AAA groups planning caregiving expos, museums planning special exhibits, etc.

Another avenue would be part-time teaching. I used to teach crafts classes and tutor academic classes. That began when I took my first computer course. And I need to update those skills, especially in the area of security.

So I'll take a class, push myself to perform well, and try to leverage that into some part time student assistance, then perhaps into teaching in the adult ed venue.

So sit down with a nice cup of hot cider, coffee or tea, or beverage of choice, list your past jobs, skill sets used, potential opportunities on a part-time basis, then start searching online for jobs that use those skills, or check out one of the big career sites.

Temporary work in your past field is also an option to get your foot in the door, and companies like temp workers b/c they don't have to pay them as much or provide benefits.

BTW, I'm in my 70's; a lot of people have discouraged me, but if I have determination, intent, and can be creative, I'm confident I can find an opportunity. So, don't give up!

"I feel I am destined to be mom's care taker. My brother doesn't want her in a home and we can't afford it. We don't have the money for help. I can't anybody able to take care of her. She goes into rages several times throughout the day." Why do you feel you (rather than your brother) are destined to be your mother's caregiver? Your brother is going to school and will then have a career. He's setting HIS future up, isn't he? What about you? Why are you worth less?

If he doesn't want your mother in a home, then he can take care of her.

Your mother is only 70, just 17 years older than you. She could live a long time...are you up to task? Things are only going to get worse.

Thank you everybody! I appreciate your insight. Best wishes you all.

Here I am. Yes, been there. Took care of mom and her hubby for four years until they went to assisted living, separately, mom needed memory care.

While caring for them I completed my master's degree at the age of 58! I am now 62 and found work in my field but had to think outside of the box to do it. I had lived in my state my entire life, my kids and grands are in the same place I was. I had to look into other job markets that were not as competitive, so cost of living also lower.

It was a very difficult decision to move to a neighboring state, but the further away from my dysfunctional family of origin, the better. There are free classes online and even certifications that can be completed for a minimal charge. Look at Coursera for one.

You need to approach trying to find work differently. If bro is in school there is no reason you should not be doing what you want. You and bro do not pay for mom's care, that is her responsibility! Start by calling the Area Agency on Aging to find all sorts of resources for mom. Is she on Medicaid? Does she own her home? You may need to sell it to pay for mom's care.

You deserve your life, but only you can change it. Develop a plan.

Tacy, terrible attitude and carried by many employers. Because we have been working for forty years we are out dated? The employer has some responsibility is keeping skill sets frequent don't they? Updating of software often requires training. Some employers would prefer to save the money and get by with outdated software. Is that the fault of older workers? How do you expect them to dress?
What are they wearing? Professional dress is professional dress, some people have a more formal style. Suits, pant suits, dresses? What the heck!

I think rather closed minded on the part of the employer.

Tacy, as an interviewee a number of times many employers are so disorganized. A group interview and some of the group are not aware of it?! I have to wonder if this man was told that special attire was required to tour the plant. If it is necessary, he should be told ahead of time. Many times on new magazine shows, plant tours are in street clothes. Did you talk to him before the interview? Or was it staff support? Do they have a script to read so nothing is missed? Maybe that person did not mention it at all.

Tacy, he was not told. You may think that you handled this correctly. I would disagree. A possible tour of the plant does not dictate safety attire be worn to the interview.
Your language even to us here is condescending in nature. Using terms like babysat? Really?

I have never been to just one interview and offered a position. There is always a minimum of three, the first by phone, the second in person before a panel, the third includes the tour and offer if I make it that far.

It is terribly unfair to applicants to expect them to read your mind on what is to be worn to an interview. Heck people that have not worked in a plant like this one before probably don't own the safety attire that you require. My generation we even dressed nicely to apply at fast food joints. Is that wrong too?

You will probably get better results if you develop a handout, or instructions to distribute to EVERY applicant so they all receive the same information.

Yelacik

While not the exact same situation as yours, I have just re-entered the full time work force after retiring from my first career and then taking a little time off and then working a couple of working part time jobs - not in my field.

I have been at my current position for six months and an even better opportunity has presented itself (interview next week - wish me luck).

My biggest challenge is listing references. I had a bucket load of very good references (prominent in our field) who would all give me glowing recommendations but, slowly, they are all retiring themselves and I have no way to stay in touch.

If I knew then what I know now, I would have found a way to either keep those references or cultivated new ones.

My other challenge was keeping my skills fresh. The laws dealing with my field have changed since I retired (6 years ago) so now I am cramming for my interview by looking up and memorizing all the changes.

My advice on this is don't stop studying. Keep your job knowledge current. Also, don't wait for your mother to pass on before thinking about working again. She is young and you could very well be retirement age yourself before you try to find work. No one is going to want to hire and train someone who only has a couple of working years left.

Yela check the workforce center near you. They have programs for training to help make you workforce ready.

I am not well-suited to working under a regime, such as servitude-type position that women traditionally end up in. I have a master's. I finally found a part-time teaching position at a rather liberal college. I would rather do that than slave work, or what seems like that. it took forever to find the position.

It's a tough situation--if you don't want her in a home someone has to take care of her. Don't count on medications to help because they just mask symptoms and eventually they don't work--and psych meds increase risk for falling considerably. If you have some kind of support to watch her while you work part time it can help. Try contacting Alzheimer's Association. It's a long shot maybe they can do something about getting sitters. Sitters are expensive in an agency but they are licensed and insured so if a sitter falls in your home they can't sue you. Another option is going back to school --at least you are doing *something*. If you don't have your four-year college degree you can apply for scholarships. That's how I got mine -- you have to work hard and made good grades but my degree was free and scholarships I got even paid for books. I'm in your situation, 56 years old and have a 87 year old mother with advanced Alzheimer's but thanks to my best friend I can work some and I pursued my degree. It's hard taking care of someone and the government gives really no help. It's real hard, but it's the only parent you have for all eternity.

If you have Power of Attorney (POA) you may want to get your financial affairs settled before she gets real bad. Make sure her checking account has your name on it so you can pay bills and handle things because eventually she won't be able to sign her name to checks or go to the store for groceries and other home necessities. If she has a house, you want to see an eldercare attorney about getting your name *added* to the deed through a ladybird quick deed--NOT a standard deed--that way if she dies the home will not go into probate but simply go to you as co-owner. You may want to get her Medicaid ready just in case but be mindful there is a five year look back law; however, take the advice of an eldercare attorney. If there is no POA--GET ONE and you may have to go through the court system -- that by itself needs an eldercare attorney.

Hi and I love your question. I am planning to re-enter the workforce after caregiving for my mom. I have been taking care of my mom for eight years. I have two masters degrees. Right now I stay close to people in my profession by continuing to attend and to hold leadership roles in professional organizations. It helps that I was doing this before and continue to do so even after leaving employment. So, number #1 advice for you, stay connected to your professional network. You can do this a number of ways but think about doing so via linkedIn.com where you can post articles (written by you) on professional topics, stay connected through professional organizations, and when you can get out for coffee with old co-workers.

Advice #2, stay up to date technically and professionally by taking free courses online like through Coursera.

Advice #3, stay positive and think positive. There is no need to worry yourself or think doom and gloom. A lot of people have very successful and sometimes their MOST successful careers in mid to late age. Why not you? Just think to yourself that you are going to go out there and hit a home run. Really dig into yourself and discover your absolute true passion (start with Strength Finder 2.0) and pursue those passions. If not now, then when? (to quote a Tracy Chapman song)

Be sure to keep your references and resume current - i.e. there may not be anything to add in particular but don't lose the old one. You will need a place to start when you are starting to seek employment again.

ALSO, you are not going to be the ONLY one doing this. There are others out there like myself and other people on this thread. Remember, what you have done is ADMIRABLE and shows you have lived a life with HONOR and LOYALTY which are all qualities that employers seek. Be sure to sell yourself and include these positive traits that you have exemplified through your time are a caregiver.

By the way, just re-read your question. I wanted to add that I am 50 and have also lived and worked independently since my twenties. I do not ever want my mom in a home either. Is there a chance you might work for your brother? It sounds like he wants his own company?

By the way, if you tell employers you had to care for your mum, they will be understanding of your situation. Caregivers are getting more common these days as the elder population is exploding due to baby boomers. Employers know the elder population is growing. But I would try to pursue a 4 year degree if you don't have one -- in a way try to take advantage of the time you have. Since there are many online options you won't have to go into campus much. Take advantage of scholarships--mine was free. Some community colleges also offer 4 year degree at considerable savings. Don't go beyond a 4 year degree though--many employers will consider that overqualified and there are *no* scholarships for graduate degrees--and they cost a fortune so you don't want to end up in debt or do not use your mom's money either for that--especially if she should have to go on Medicaid that will be considered a gift and will count as part of that five year lookback. The Bachelor's degree thing is just an option to use your time wisely and yes it is easy to get a scholarship.

dear cetude, How do you go about getting a scholarship for a bachelor's degree while caregiving? I would definitely like to know and to pursue one. Thanks. By the way, I have a bachelor's degree already and two masters degrees. But, if I could get another bachelor degree I would do it in a heartbeat. Thank you for the good advice.

Yelacik, you could right now find out about getting a CNA or STNA (depending on what state you live in; probably could do this for next to nothing, very doable for you. You could then easily be employed at a nursing home quickly since the need is great and you have lived with and helped take care of your mom, obviously. Probably really not what you want to do, but it's a start, and you would then be employed and could pursue other schooling maybe related to the job you lost (?) You're fairly young, younger than me. I lost my job a few years ago, did get the STNA but ended up caring for mom here in my home with a caregiver's contract with an eldercare lawyer since mom does have some money. I will retire this next year and will make it on my social security and my pension, since I can then make it then without mom's money, though we could continue the contract. I'm frankly not interested in going back to school at this point but could work part time; we'll see. As the others suggest, I'd see about getting your mom on Medicaid, placing your mom, and you have to get with it right now for yourself. There is help for you out there.

IF you enjoy the job of Caregiver you could find employment doing that after your Mom passes.
It is not easy work and the pay is not that great.
You do not say what you did but if Caregiving is not for you could you work independently/privately?
But consider this:
A Memory Care facility has staff that is trained to work with people with Dementia, they can handle the anger, frustration and many of the "quirks" of dementia better than untrained people can. And it is not one person 24/7 it is many people working in shifts so they do get a break. You DON'T.
It is your Mom that will pay for a Memory Care facility not you once funds run out then apply for Medicaid. Sell the house use those funds to provide care in a facility. If you want to keep Mom home you will have to hire caregivers. There is no way that you can do it by yourself 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for what might be 10, 20 years. Even if it is 1 year that is far too long for 1 person to provide 24/7 care. (and remain a sane, loving, caring daughter)

But to get back to your original question you can also use this time to "reinvent" yourself, you may find that what you were doing is not what you would really love to do. Is there something that you have wanted to try? Do it. You have an insight that life is short and work, while necessary is not what defines you it is what you do to keep a roof over your head and put food on the table. Don't live the last half (?) of your life doing something that you don't enjoy. Live it doing something that you love.

newbies do NOT necessarily understand the importance of older technology. WE are the one that built what is being used today. Some hiring managers prefer experience to low wage newbies...hang in there!

AARP is an excellent resource for support for older job seekers. Sounds like you are overwhelmed. Understandable. Talking it out with a therapist/counselor/social worker can help you break things down into manageable issues and help you decide how to address and deal with each one. Best of luck and hang in there. This too shall pass.

I've failed in my job life, and I never left the job force. You may have to start out in a minimum wage job but do your best and never complain, and you should move up the chain. I would have if I'd stayed at the grocery store but I went back to chemistry (I have a Masters), and now I'm stuck in a dead end job. So, pick a large company or store where you can eventually make more money. I was turned down for many low paying jobs because I have a Masters degree. I wish I had never gone to college. My current job requires no degree.

There are agencies who hire older caregivers and since you have experience you could probably get a job. When you have more time, you can be hired by nursing homes who have in-house certified nursing assistant jobs where you can learn on-the-job, take the test for your CNA state's certification license and then you can be hired most places. When your brother is not in school, while he is studying, volunteer somewhere to give you respite and to make contacts where it is not what you know, but who. Being 53 yrs. young has its advantages and you have to draw on your past work record to get new jobs. Heck, if Walmart hired my husband at 80 yrs. of age, with a military record, and re-hired him after two surgeries, I am sure you will be able to find a job. Go for it! There are new adventures for you and I would suggest you get your mother some medication to calm her anxiety attacks. Tell the doctor what is happening and she is entitled to a yearly Medicare preventative checkup. Best wishes!

Tacy,
It is fortunate that we are all individuals with different views and styles. Throughout my multiple years in the work force, I had the pleasure of meeting a variety of professionals and hiring managers. A certain subset of hiring managers appeared to "think the same" and hire individuals based on the same structure. Fortunately, there were other hiring managers that based their hiring decisions on the individual's strengths. The managers followed their instincts and recognized that the individual's strengths would be a positive addition to their team. Years ago, I was one of those individual's that was in a position of hiring. I was able to recognize the value of hiring individuals, without placing limiting factors. I never regretted hiring individuals that were older. Their work ethics, experience, and individual strengths, far outweighed any perceived weakness. I recommend to all older individuals, looking for work, Let your light shine during your interviews. Focus on the multiple strengths that you have and will bring to the job. If you need to learn new skill sets, such as use of an iPad, etc., you can learn this. Age is only a number, and it does not define you, or make you "outdated." There are wonderful strengths that you can bring to a job. Perhaps the older man that had an interview, recalled how he was once instructed to dress for an interview. Perhaps there were alternative explanations for not wearing "work boots." In my view, it appears that age may have been a limiting factor in someone's decision, vs individual strengths. My heart is with all those that need and/or want to find productive work. I look forward to the day when, once again, age is viewed with respect and wisdom!

Here's the problem when you're honest about your "caregiving gap" at a job interview: You immediately label yourself as the person in your family who takes that on. The prospective employer cannot legally/ethically ask if you have another parent, parent-in-law or grandparent in the pipeline who might need care in the future. But the prospective employer WILL assume that, if hired, you'll eventually become the caregiver for another relative....and all the schedule modifications and FMLA that comes with it. And will take this into consideration when deciding between you and a carefree 25-year-old. Unfortunate, but true.

Age is respected in the Asian countries. It is so great!

Back when I was doing a bit of hiring and also having to live with other folks hires that I had inherited, I formed a few opinions that if I had a choice in the matter I might consider. These things aren't true across the board but speaking in generalities here, older people are on time, even early. They are calmer. Have a steady pace. Enjoy their work, the actual process of it. Are usually good with clients and more willing to help out younger employees. Younger employees catch on to new things quicker but sometimes

Have their eye on the clock, have more issues to work out in relationships, etc. A nice mix of ages seems to be best where experience can be appreciated and the infectious energy of the younger set enjoyed by all.
I think my most productive employees were young divorced women who were ex school teachers with two or three kids who wanted to advance. They were usually motivated to do a great job in spite of their responsibilities at home. But they may not have worked out in another industry. So all of that has to be considered.