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I am a 53 year old woman who has worked and lived independently since my early twenties. I lost my job and move in with my mother and brother. This was four years ago. I've worked part time on and off. Now I'm unemployed. My mother is 70 and is suffering from dementia and Alzheimer. It has gotten worse. I want to work and of course it's harder to find employment since I've gotten older. I feel I am destined to be mom's care taker. My brother doesn't want her in a home and we can't afford it. We don't have the money for help. I can't anybody able to take care of her. She goes into rages several times throughout the day. What happens when my mom passes and I'm jobless, older, unemployed? My brother is going to school and wants to work himself any ideas?

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If your brother doesn't want your mom to go into a memory care facility then he can stay home and care for her himself.

(If funds are an issue Medicaid pays for a nursing home but your mom would have to be approved first).

When your mom passes, if you don't go back to work, you will be older, jobless, and mom-less. It's a tough spot to be in. I would encourage you to find a job now and make that a priority and find another situation for your mom. Many adults give up their life to care for an elderly parent and find themselves standing among the ashes and the ruins when the parent dies, with nothing to show for those years spent caring for that parent. I know because I was in the exact same predicament. However, I was in my middle 40's at the time and saw what was coming a mile away and was able to salvage my life but just barely.

As for the rages there are medications the Dr. can prescribe to help alleviate them.
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The subject of returning to the work force after caregiving was discussed at some length some time ago. These are some search hits for those topics:

https://www.agingcare.com/search.aspx?searchterm=working+after+caregiving

First 4 threads from this search hit:

https://www.agingcare.com/search.aspx?searchterm=returning+to+the+work+force

GladI'mHere is a poster who if I remember correctly very successfully re-entered the work force after caregiving. I've P'M'ed her and asked if she'll offer some suggestions. I believe though that she was finishing a degree in graduate work, so that positioned her better than if she hadn't been continuing her education.


This is a concern with me as well as I plan to re-enter the work force, hopefully next year, but it depends on what else is happening (or whether I stay in the US as a result of the election).

Over the years I've read a number of career planning books, and tried to develop a different perspective, translating the caregiving skills into workable, marketable skills. Although I don't think I could successfully re-enter my former profession b/c of competition from younger, lower paid workers, I do have some options, including the growing field of elder care agencies, senior centers, etc.

E.g., I used to work with a government contracting group planning monthly meetings and annual seminars on current issues in that field. Logistics of planning large seminars translate into a variety of similar events, ranging from the commercial groups which plan holiday crafts sales, senior centers and AAA groups planning caregiving expos, museums planning special exhibits, etc.

Another avenue would be part-time teaching. I used to teach crafts classes and tutor academic classes. That began when I took my first computer course. And I need to update those skills, especially in the area of security.

So I'll take a class, push myself to perform well, and try to leverage that into some part time student assistance, then perhaps into teaching in the adult ed venue.

So sit down with a nice cup of hot cider, coffee or tea, or beverage of choice, list your past jobs, skill sets used, potential opportunities on a part-time basis, then start searching online for jobs that use those skills, or check out one of the big career sites.

Temporary work in your past field is also an option to get your foot in the door, and companies like temp workers b/c they don't have to pay them as much or provide benefits.
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BTW, I'm in my 70's; a lot of people have discouraged me, but if I have determination, intent, and can be creative, I'm confident I can find an opportunity. So, don't give up!
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1. Get mom to a geriatric psychiatrist for meds for the rages (agitation).
2. Brother is not mom's caregiver. Why does his opinion trump yours?
3. YOU don't pay for your mom's care. Mom pays for mom's care. If mom has no funds, then you apply for Medicaid for her.
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Here I am. Yes, been there. Took care of mom and her hubby for four years until they went to assisted living, separately, mom needed memory care.

While caring for them I completed my master's degree at the age of 58! I am now 62 and found work in my field but had to think outside of the box to do it. I had lived in my state my entire life, my kids and grands are in the same place I was. I had to look into other job markets that were not as competitive, so cost of living also lower.

It was a very difficult decision to move to a neighboring state, but the further away from my dysfunctional family of origin, the better. There are free classes online and even certifications that can be completed for a minimal charge. Look at Coursera for one.

You need to approach trying to find work differently. If bro is in school there is no reason you should not be doing what you want. You and bro do not pay for mom's care, that is her responsibility! Start by calling the Area Agency on Aging to find all sorts of resources for mom. Is she on Medicaid? Does she own her home? You may need to sell it to pay for mom's care.

You deserve your life, but only you can change it. Develop a plan.
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"I feel I am destined to be mom's care taker. My brother doesn't want her in a home and we can't afford it. We don't have the money for help. I can't anybody able to take care of her. She goes into rages several times throughout the day." Why do you feel you (rather than your brother) are destined to be your mother's caregiver? Your brother is going to school and will then have a career. He's setting HIS future up, isn't he? What about you? Why are you worth less?

If he doesn't want your mother in a home, then he can take care of her.

Your mother is only 70, just 17 years older than you. She could live a long time...are you up to task? Things are only going to get worse.
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Tacy, he was not told. You may think that you handled this correctly. I would disagree. A possible tour of the plant does not dictate safety attire be worn to the interview.
Your language even to us here is condescending in nature. Using terms like babysat? Really?

I have never been to just one interview and offered a position. There is always a minimum of three, the first by phone, the second in person before a panel, the third includes the tour and offer if I make it that far.

It is terribly unfair to applicants to expect them to read your mind on what is to be worn to an interview. Heck people that have not worked in a plant like this one before probably don't own the safety attire that you require. My generation we even dressed nicely to apply at fast food joints. Is that wrong too?

You will probably get better results if you develop a handout, or instructions to distribute to EVERY applicant so they all receive the same information.
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Tacy,
It is fortunate that we are all individuals with different views and styles. Throughout my multiple years in the work force, I had the pleasure of meeting a variety of professionals and hiring managers. A certain subset of hiring managers appeared to "think the same" and hire individuals based on the same structure. Fortunately, there were other hiring managers that based their hiring decisions on the individual's strengths. The managers followed their instincts and recognized that the individual's strengths would be a positive addition to their team. Years ago, I was one of those individual's that was in a position of hiring. I was able to recognize the value of hiring individuals, without placing limiting factors. I never regretted hiring individuals that were older. Their work ethics, experience, and individual strengths, far outweighed any perceived weakness. I recommend to all older individuals, looking for work, Let your light shine during your interviews. Focus on the multiple strengths that you have and will bring to the job. If you need to learn new skill sets, such as use of an iPad, etc., you can learn this. Age is only a number, and it does not define you, or make you "outdated." There are wonderful strengths that you can bring to a job. Perhaps the older man that had an interview, recalled how he was once instructed to dress for an interview. Perhaps there were alternative explanations for not wearing "work boots." In my view, it appears that age may have been a limiting factor in someone's decision, vs individual strengths. My heart is with all those that need and/or want to find productive work. I look forward to the day when, once again, age is viewed with respect and wisdom!
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I refer to your original post, to paraphrase "most older people are outdated". "They look outdated". You should check yourself, a know-it-all that any entry level Human Resources clerk or online job site post could tell you. I am not impressed, nor should anyone else on here be. Indeed, you immediately toss out any resume you deem to be a template? What a juvenile method of screening applicants, I wonder how many good opportunities you have missed this way. Not hired because he didn't wear work boots to a job interview? Did the applicant have the qualifications and experience? You sound foolish and as if you are in some sort of power trip to me. As I mentioned, you have undoubtably violated company and federal policy just with your post on this forum, and yet you give advice to the members to watch what they post on social media? What a fool you are.
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Tacy, earlier you said he was not told, now he is? There are certainly other employers out there that do not consider the ability to use a smart phone as a skill. The culture of the company? Are these all people that go out to dinner with family or other very important people in their lives and sit at the table watching their smart phones? I certainly do not want to be part of that culture. The ability to interact on a human to human level is much more important than being able to use a smart phone, IMHO. And yes, I know what IMHO means! But if I was speaking to someone I would say the words.
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