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Hi, I had been taking care of my parents for the last 4 plus years. I work from home part time. 15 months ago, my dad committed suicide in the back yard (we did not know there was a gun on the premises and he was a depressed and angry man). He left a suicide note in his pocket that said "Maybe with me gone, Ann will stay." Because I was considering hired caregivers because of the cruelty. Well, I stayed the last 15 months after my dad died and took care of my mom. I have 2 sisters but they had washed their hands of mom. She is not a part of their lives. I am burned out. Dementia has progressed. She is now on Hospice and went to a nursing home. They are doing a Medicaid spend down? She had the house in a trust and my younger sister is executor, because I lived out of state when they did the trust. Elder attorney has said I cannot live in the house without paying rent to the estate? My sister who is also the POA has not given me much information. I thought I could stay here until mom passes and then move when the house sells. Medicaid is taking half of her savings and life insurance. I wondered if anyone else has been in this situation. Should I have been getting paid as care giver for the last 4 years? I hope this all makes sense. With the house in a trust will Medicaid eventually get it? Ann

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Have you lived in their home for more than two years? If so, did you care for Mom before Dads death? If so, you maybe able to get a Caregiver allowance to stay in the house. But her too, you would be responsible for the bills.
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Annmarie223 Jul 17, 2025
Hi, I have been here since 2020 caring for both of them. I was told today by the elder attorney that I can stay in the house and pay the bills. Mom can pay the taxes and insurance. So that is what I am going to do. Thank you for responding. Ann
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Depends on what kind of Trust this is and how long it has been in force whether the state will get the money from house or not. Irrevocable is much different from Living Trust. In the latter the money from sale of home will be recoverable by Medicaid if Medicaid paid for Mom's care. In the former, the Trust being the owner of the home, no, it won't be recoverable and will go to the heirs.

As to whether you should have been paid? That would have been up to you and your parents to have made a contract for Shared living costs, or for you to be a paid caregiver. That wasn't done, sadly, and cannot be done now.

Mom is in care now. It is likely best you move on with your own life away from all of this and visit her. It appears you sadly are not her POA or caregiver now. We often see people who give up their own family, jobs, life, to move in with family and care for them end jobless, without a job history, and homeless.

You can await their eviction. That will take them a while to get everything going. You can also get your own attorney for advice; that will take cash.

I am so sorry.
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Annmarie223 Jul 17, 2025
Hi, Thank you for your response. The house is in a irrevocable trust and should be protected. Luckily I am retired myself and work part time from home. All should work out ok. Ann
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Yes, you likely should have been paid, but that’s a long shot now to be paid retroactively. You need legal advice concerning your situation with the house, but I think you’ll likely need to move. What I really want to say is I’m sorry your dad was so cruel to leave this world as he did, and leave such a horrible, manipulative note. You did not deserve such treatment. I wish you healing and peace as you move forward
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Annmarie223 Jul 17, 2025
Thank you for responding. I am looking for a good therapist as I have been manipulated by my parents all of my life. I did everything I could for them to try and gain their love. My life starts over now. At 62. Thank you, Ann
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