Hi Everyone. I just wrote a long post (which was erased when I went to send it b/c it had symbols in it like a backward arrow, etc...Has this happened to anyone else?) I was asking for support, suggestions, etc... regarding cargiving which is becoming extremely hard for me to keep up with and also to ask if anyone else is or has gone through Menopause while caring for others. I'm in Menopause and have become extremely depressed and am having panic attacks. I've been feeling extremely sad and can't see any light at the end of this tunnel. I don't know how to cope with these symptoms of Menopause and keep my sanity. I'm un-insured and cannot afford to see a Specialist, and am not eligable for Assistance of any kind b/c of living with my mom and s-dad, which puts me over the Federal Poverty Guidelines, even though my SSDI disability income alone is shameful and is well under the Poverty Level. It's been a really rough weekend. I'm not coping well at all. I'm sorry if this sounds like I'm complaining...really I am. I'm just so alone here with caring for two ppl. I'm feeling so depressed and am having awful panic attacks. Any words of hope or encouragement would be gladly welcomed :-) Thanks so much,
Kathy K.

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This is an older thread, but considering how many women in peri and meno that are caregivers for elderly parent/s, it is still very relevant.

Losing my chit over here in peri-meno. Man it is tough and I go to a 12 step ACOA as well as individual therapy.

The money comment is true as heck. I stay home and watch them and work prn - state insurance - but the medical doctors in this small community suck.

I am watching my parents decay as they age and it is freaking me out. I am so alone and afraid. I was in grad school but cannot afford it now. Nobody will hire my old @%#

Divorced and not dating considering my living situation - well, duh.

So scared. Abandonment issues. Money issues.
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I found that not eating any sugar and black cohosh helped me with menopause.
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I am going through a bunch of bad issues. First off, I came home from the Netherlands due to a bad relationship. I got financial support to return home and am getting food stamps and Obamacare since I have no job. I am starting therapy soon. Already had a short session. Okay, add to that menopause starting, but periods still around, depression about the lost relationship, then throw in my 83-year old mother with dementia, and I am nearly losing my mind! I appreciate her support, but frankly, the dementia and her OCD are driving me mad!! I can't cook without her comments. And her cooking is terrible. She can't follow a recipe anymore. Her driving is bad too, but I can't drive her car cause it is this huge boat with bad steering. She nearly causes whiplash at crosswalks. I told her today that she is going to get rear-ended by this, and she said that she has been driving for years and years. Well, yes, but it stinks now! I just called for Section 8 housing application, and frankly, I think I will be happier there. At least, I won't feel like I am losing my mind! Any thoughts or suggestions? Thank you.
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I am menopausal and although my father with dementia is in a care home he is incredibly demanding. I had to deal with his "girlfriend" trying to take his money. I also just lost my younger sister to breast cancer, and two more good friends to cancer and suicide. Needless to say, the stress has been crazy and I lost my job (Montessori teacher to pre-schoolers, stressful again!) due to inconsistency. What I find keeps me sane now is Yoga and my artwork. Creativity is a godsend! Apparently the creative state (and it doesn't have to be art, it can be dance, writing or performing, or even Yoga) creates a stretch in a protein DNA that allows for relaxation and focus. Tai Chi or Chi Gong are other practices that are creative states. Meditation really helps, too - I notice a great difference on the days I don't meditate. It all sounds airy fairy, but it works for me. And I got my Yoga teacher training so have a new job!
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Dear Kathy,
I hear you loud and clear and yes, I have lost posts because of "symbols". Frustrating.
Baby, you complain all you want. complaining is the first step to solution. You're complaining because the situation isn't right and you know it!
I am uninsured also and your situation is so sad but so common! it truly is criminal.
OK, when I was caring for my mom it was a big change, I lost my jobs, I had to move across the country, etc etc.
For you to be dealing with menopause AND the care of TWO people is heroic.
One thing at a time:
Menopause. Since I didn't have insurance during my menopause, I did everything naturally. I ate very carefully to help mitigate the symptoms and didn't eat the things that made the symptoms worse. It worked very very well for me, but everyone is different.
You can go online to see what you can do nutritionally.

Depression. When I got hijacked into being a caregiver, it took about 18 months for me to slip into the deepest depression I have ever experienced. I actually considered suicide. Same thing: couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I got a prescription for Prozac and Xanax for the panic attacks. And boy, was I having panic attacks.
Everybody is different, but if you can scrape together the $ for a Dr.s appointment (NOT a specialist) and tell him/her that you need an anti depressant and an anti anxiety med. Call the Dr that is taking care of your parents and tell him/her that you need help to continue taking care of your parents. maybe they will see you, or the nurse can see you for cheap and get you the scripts.
Make sure that they know the extent of your stressors and that they don't try to get you to take some of the newer stuff.
i say this because I can get 3 months of generic Prozac for 10 bucks and 3 months of generic Xanax for 10 bucks at Wal Mart.
I have found Xanax to be a life saver. You can look it all up online and see which anti depressants might suit you best and have that knowledge on hand when you go to the Dr. My Dr tried to get me on other stuff but I had had a situation back in the 80's where I used Prozac and Xanax for about 14 months and it worked great for me. bottom line, you want a popular generic so you can buy it at WalMart for cheap.
If you parents have some $$, USE IT to get what you need to carry on.
I have read stories here about adult children taking care of parents that have bucks stashed away and the adult children are living in poverty. Well, that's not how it works.
If there is $, that money is put aside to care for the parents and if the caregiver needs $ help to continue on, break out the $ and get the job done. If you have siblings that are letting you care for you parents without any help, tell them what the score is.

May I also suggest that you join in over on the Grossed Out thread. We are a solid group of caregivers past and present and because the thread has gotten popular, you can post and usually within an hour someone will be on with you so you are not alone. Believe me I know, the isolation is a killer.

OK, please let me know if any of this is helpful or you can tell me to shove my head up my butt.... I'll need to stretch first......

You have done the first and smartest thing. You are reaching out for help and griping!!

You can do this....
1. get the help you need so you can LIVE.
2. get the help you need/will need for your parents so you can LIVE.
3. get on with your life!!

C'mon over to Grossed. don't let the name of the thread throw you... It was something I was going through when I wrote it and the support from the caregivers that responded saved my life.


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