Mentally ready to die... How do we deal with this?

So, not to be rude, but when IS her 'time'? Good heavens..she's lived to 100--most people are long gone by that age. I am only 65 and many days I think "I'm done".

I would also have depression if I was 100 years old and wondering what else I needed to be here for? I'm not being snarky, I really wonder if you can imagine how she truly feels. Only SHE really knows.

So last year, you helped her 'rally'. To what end?

OF COURSE you SHOULD let her 'have her way'. IF her choice is to shuffle off this mortal coil on HER TERMS, why not support that? She can stop eating and drinking, she can be offered Hospice which will make her passing pain-free and peaceful. She doesn't need to be scared--she needs your love and support now more than she ever has, or will.

The very LAST thing you should be doing is trying to guilt her into continue on in a life that, I would fathom, is not very rewarding any more. Is the whole family trying to talk her out of making the decision to go? That is very unfair, and unkind, to boot.

I guess this hits too close to home right now as I am actively praying for my poor mom to get to go 'home'.

Do you have beliefs in life after death? Perhaps, if you don't, then the thought of her passing is more than you can handle. If you do, you should respect the beliefs and realize she probably has far more family and friends on the 'other side' than she has here.

You sound like a loving wonderful family. She's been greatly blessed, I'm sure, and greatly loved. But she will 'live on' in all the members of the family, forever.

I mean really??? Your mother is 100 years old for Pete's sake. Most people don't make it to anywhere near 100, so if she's now wanting to go home, for crying out loud, let the poor women go home. I'm sure that at 100 years old, she is more than tired, and ready to leave this world for the next. I know that I would be.
I find it extremely selfish that you and her family members want her to continue living, because you don't think it's her time.
News flash!!! Only God knows the day and the time that He will call her home, so please let your mother be, and let her die on her own terms and not yours.

She can do whatever she wants. Let her be, and especially let her feel like she's in control of her own destiny. That might help her feel a little better about her situation, because I'm sure it's exhausting to have family trying to "jolly" you out of your funk when you've outlived every one of your peers.

Please check out endoflifewa.org for information about VSED, Voluntary Stopping Eating and Drinking. This is legal and the procedure is designed to not be painful due to comfort medications. The person does not have to be in hospice. It is a personal decision that some people choose.

There are some great answers posted. If she stops eating and drinking then I would call hospice and get her Palliative care and make her comfortable till she passes. If she's made up her mind there's really nothing that you should and can do to stop it. I think you should just be there with her as much as possible and let her go. You might want to talk to a minister or counselor about this.

Perhaps you should be asking why you and your family are taking this approach.   Your mother is the only one in a position to really know how she feels, how her body feels and reacts, and its limitations.   And you might consider who gains from her continued life - does she need any more of what she's experiencing, or is it the family that feels her life should be prolonged any further?

It's her life and her decision, not the family's, although I'm sure she appreciates and welcomes support, even if it doesn't mesh with her own plans.  

I think I would focus more on recalling how much she means to you, let her know she's appreciated, she's given you great life lessons, etc.   Let her go with those positive feelings, not ones that instill guilt b/c she's ready to be through with life.

Has she actually stopped eating and drinking?

Did she mention this or were your beliefs projected on her?

I am not trying to be rude by asking, just curious based on your wording.

Honestly, I would rather see a loved one pass peacefully then in misery and fear of what comes next. I think that she is very old and knows that her time is near, she has lived the greatest part of her life, even if she lives another 10 years, she is near her end. Acknowledge that.

She will die when it is her time and not a moment sooner. So stop worrying about what you can't control. It doesn't do any good and can be harmful to you physically.

It sounds like she is having struggles when the seasons change, have you asked her doctor about what can be done to help with the seasonal episodes? Maybe nothing can be done but it doesn't hurt to research it.

Best of luck coming to terms with losing your mom. It is a hard thing to experience but, it is just part of living and happens to us all.

My grandmother expressed she was "ready to go" emphatically at times over the last decade of her life. She would say things daily like, "I don't know why Jesus hasn't taken me yet!" I cared for her in her last year (102-103yo) but she had been saying this kind of thing for many, many years. I don't think expressing this means anything, except there is some depression and frustration and it's for good reason. If it's a sudden change in behavior, you can have her evaluated for additional psychiatric supports. Keep loving on her and provide her with fun visits where you play music from her younger years with her and talk about her memories to cheer her up. Nothing you do or don't do at this time really has any impact on her decline and death, and if she decides to stop eating that's her choice... you can deal with it if it happens. Death is likely going to be slow no matter what she does, but hopefully not painful.

Just an aside about my own situation: my grandmother didn't want any food in the month before her death and I made the regrettable mistake of trying to force her to take a little soup at times. I didn't know any better at the time but I promise you, you don't want to go that route because it made our last few weeks together unhappy for her and I hate that I did that instead of just being there with her and comforting her. Accept the decisions your mom makes and hold her hand along the way.

There is a point when continuing to live takes an act of will. This is why people will pass away on or shortly after their birthdays, or a significant holiday or anniversary. They were holding on to reach such a point, then feel they can let go. If your mother has reached that point at age 100, accept it kindly and graciously, without arguing with her or trying to make her hold on longer. But life, and the will to live, is tenacious, so she may choose to rally again if she starts to feel herself fading. It happens. Try to relax and enjoy the time with her without fretting either way.

Great shape for 100 is still 100. I am sure it is hard to hear that someone you love is tired and wanting to go and for your sake perhaps she will change her mind. But having celebrated her 100th birthday I can only imagine all the people she has loved and lost in her life. In the passed 100 years the world has changed so very much; she probably , even if healthy has a very difficult time functioning in todays society, let alone the physical and emotional toll of so many things and people changing. Tell her you love her, support her decisions and enjoy whatever time she still has.