My mom has estranged herself from everyone in her life. She lies and manipulates and exploits people's kindness. My siblings will have nothing to do with her because of the pain she has caused. I do not live in the same state as her, and do not want her to be near me or my kids; she's way too toxic. I do want to help her, but I can't afford to spend a lot of money. But, I am now spending too much money. Last night I Fed ex'd a check to her landlord to prevent her from being evicted. I am paying for a care giver twice a week.This helps. She has no income except social security. Also, she is a cat hoarder, but the care giver has helped a lot with cleaning this up and this is not much of a problem now. I'm wondering: is it ok for her to live independently? Should she be in a mental institution of some sort? Where do elderly people with no money go when they can't take care of themselves? Thank you for any advice.

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First of all, hold fast to your determination not to have her live close to you!

Then, I think some steps must be taken to get her financial aid. Would she qualify for Medicaid in her state? The elderly waiver program could pay for the caregiver while Mother is still in her home, and would cover nursing home costs when that becomes necessary. Save your money for occasional visits, perhaps. So, does she have any assets -- property, stocks, insurance policies, etc? What is her monthly income? Why didn't she make her rent payment -- spent money on something else, refuses, doesn't understand the need ... why?

It is noble and generous of you to want to help her, and under the circumstances I think you are going about it in the only sensible way: from a distance. Getting her signed up for any help she might be eligble for is the next step, in my opinion.
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