I've been living abroad for many years, having escaped from home, from my parents' care -- especially my dad, which I have never gotten along with since I was 18. I made a serious conversation with them a few days ago, and it was remarkable to see that my dad was still singing the same old song to me. The song that always made me feel uneasy. He never listens, jumps to his own conclusions, and puts very little effort in trying to understand complex emotions. He's an engineer and I always thought his profession had made him a very poor at human psychology.
So does this really mean that after all those years, nothing has changed about him? He's now aging and became slightly more self-righteous, somewhat jealous of me, cantankerous, and often shouting at my mother.
I'd have thought after all those years, his personality might have mellowed a bit, but I'm not really sure. Maybe the brain development really stops after a certain age, or doesn't get more flexible from a certain baseline in terms of emotional development.
I also noticed that he became more politically conservative and hearing him no longer criticizing government's disastrous decisions --- for a man in his youth, was quite left-wing and raised us in that fashion.
I'm a male and I've never had a good relationship with my father since I was 18 and saw that I won't be the kind of man he wants me to be. Now I fear that our relationship, rather than improving, is going to get even more worse with him aging.
In addition, my first language is now English. My dad is living in a non-English speaking culture, and everytime I converse him with our native tongue, I hear him scolding that same 17 old teenager I was, who hated him for who he was. No evolution on his part ever since.
This is goddamn complex and annoying. I know that I have to cut him some slack, be easy on him, and follow my own path, but why do I feel like he still exerts so much power on me and still makes me feel uneasy?
Any input would be appreciated.