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As I visit this website often for tips and companionship in caring for my mother in my home, it seems to me the great percentage of caretakers are women. Having only two sons, that are attached to wives, I wonder if I have any chance of either of them being there when I need help as I age. It seems to me they will run in the opposite direction, or expect their wives to jump in to get them off the hook? I would love to hear about some sons who jumped in to help with caretaking.

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Don't worry about having only sons. I am caring for my mother-in-law with little help from my sister-in-law.
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TO: GPHC1:
Good for you and your son. Uplifting to know that there are some men who can face this end stage of life with compassion for those who need it so much.
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My wife and I have an assisted living facility and I work 16 hours a day 6 days a week. I have people to help in the morni g with dressing and washing and stuff but after breakfast it's all me. If somebody has an accident or problem I have to take care of it. Also our 18 year old son has worked for us for 2 years and he does a very good job with our residents. Have 2 daughters 16 and 17 don't want any thing to do with it. They were all raised in this environment because we had my grandma for last six years of her life with Alzheimer's before we started the biz.
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I'm single, male and the only child. I cared for my dad before he died 7 years ago and caring for my mother now. I had no help whatsoever from relatives.
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I;m the only girl of 7 siblings.My mom is 98 about to become 99.She has alzheimer's disease.Of my 3 surviving brothers,only 2 really did anything to help in the care of mother.They think that's woman's work..The Lord said to honor your parents so that your days may be long upon this earth.ALL should help because our moms took care of us as infants and it's time to take care of her.God bless you all.
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At my moms AFH for dementia - half the care givers are men and they really are great. Very caring and wonderful with the residents. I don't think the gender matters if the person has the patience and temperment for caring for others.
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I am a single male and only child. I have been caring for my mother who has been living with Alzheimer's Disease for four years. It is a difficult and lonely existence. I resent high profile advocates like Maria Shriver who chose to ignore male caregivers like me and focus exclusively on the needs of female caregivers. I ask, what is it about the female caregiving experience that is unique? I face the same daily challenges faced by any female caregiver. We should celebrate and support all caregivers regardless of gender, age, or marital status. We all do God's work.
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Well my MIL lives with me & hubby her youngest son oldest two daughters that she always did everything for dont do nothing for her now and my only helper is other brother who is single dad and 5 years older than my husband..so, guess it all depends with the family situations also couldnt do it if I had to work outside the home my MIL has alzheimers and health problems so she is 24/7....
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I guess it depends on factors like: are they married and wife willing; how close you are to son; their circumstances. Variables.
I'm taking. Are ofmy mother but do not plan on being taken care of by my only child. Daughter. I peronally want to die before I get old and crusty.
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After going through what I have for the past three years, I would never subject another human to having to take care of me. Senior communities with different levels of care are the way to go. And no, I won't change my mind when I get there. I have a feeling the boomers and later will be more adaptable than their parental generation was. Boomers and later have been used to moving several times in their lives. They are used to change.
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Interesting! A friend had to have some minor surgery but was not suppose to be alone after being dismissed. I worried and wondered what will she do. I texed her and she said the she would be going to her boyfiends house for a few days. Fair enough she took care of him when he had heart surgery. There are those who will and those who would rather die.
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My own personal statistics: I have three brothers who do nothing....so in my world 100% of sons do zip, zero, nada.
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i am an only child a male caregiver.
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One of my 2 local brothers spends Monday nite with our dad....dinner time until work time. My other brother, who has two small children stays with our dad when I go away and need a substitute for one of the days. We are blest.
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In my observations, it is still mostly women who do the caregiving. My aunt took care of her MIL, while her sons did very little.My sister in law took care of my MIL in her home for a year. Other siblings helped some but they all have careers. My neighbor took care of her mom when she had cancer surgery, son did not. My other neighbor took care of her mom just before she passed, not the sons. I know when my mom needs help, my brother and his "career oriented wife" will expect me to take care of her. I am still trying to think of who that 40% could be. I haven't seen it yet either. Would love to hear from some of the guys.
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Hmm. Well I am single. And I have a brother (in name only). When my mother had her stroke the most challenging thing next to being a caregiver was dealing with my brother. He and his wife had their own agendas and were not helpful and did not try to help. I did it on my own. I checked mom out of the senior citzen gulag called the nursing home after several incidents of tender loving carelessness. So during the day there was a housekeeper and at night I started my second job. My brother although living in California had artritis due to driving the big rigs. But THE MOTHER TRUCKER :) did not attempt to visit my mother but did not try to attend the funeral. And I think there are many male caregivers. We exist, But like Red China during the cold war years we arent recognized :) Mom died last year. I did the best I could. My conscience is clear...and so is the space I held in my heart for the "Mother trucker!"

Reggie from Livingston, New Jersey
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That's an interesting question. I wonder how many single children are among the caregivers. I wish I had brothers or sisters at this point.
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Here is a statement from public relations firm Spector and Associates, in 2011:

"For a long time, caretaking has been viewed primarily as a female role, however, the 2010 Census shows that this stereotype is changing. The number of male caregivers has already risen from 19 percent in 1996 to almost 40 percent in 2009, and the number will continue to increase, narrowing the gap between female and male caregivers."

I would really like to know exactly how they define "caregiving" and how they gathered the statistics. If a mother lives with her son and daughter-in-law, and the DIL does most of the hands-on work (very common), are they counting the son as a caregiver?

So I would take the 40% with a grain or two of salt, but I think it is probably true that the number of male caregivers is increasing.

Anyway, it doesn't matter how many men take up caregiving, as long as your sons do, if needed -- right? :-D
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