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Hi there! I’ve posted a similar topic before but a recent issue has come up with my 73 year old mother. She lives over seas as a retiree and has a very bad spending problem. She came into some money years ago and used some of that money per visa requirements. Last Christmas she asked for the same amount again for the same reason. (The visa requirements for the money are that the retiree needs to hold a specific amount in a local bank account as proof of income. ) I refused to give it to her ( a large sum) as I assumed if she actually needed it for what she said it would have been a bigger problem since she would have had visa problems. She backed off and just asked for it again. Because of her spending issues I’m not sure if she’s trying to manipulate me into sending her the money (I have POA over her finances) or if she actually spent the money because she forgot it was there or spent it figuring she could get more OR she’s forgotten it’s there. Anyone experienced anything like this or have any advice/ideas? I had a friend who’s parent kept spending their own money forgetting they needed it in their account and shortly after was diagnosed with dementia-wondering if that’s where I am at.

You don’t have POA over her finances. You have POA for them but that does not give you any authority over her. It allows you to act on her behalf. It does not give you power over her. If she is competent, she can do what she wants with her money.

It sounds to me like she doesn’t have the money and wants you to give her your money. Is that correct?
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Reply to worriedinCali
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anonymous896490 May 16, 2019
I didn’t say it gives me the authority. I have the money in my account because SHE wants me to have it because she hasn’t been able to control her spending, and I am worried it’s not just lack of control anymore but forgetfulness/ a bad memory issue.
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POA doesn't give you the ability to keep her money from her, though there are other legal set ups that might. But if all you have is POA she should have access to her accounts as well and the ability to transfer funds to the foreign account herself so if she isn't able to do this either because she doesn't remember how, can't communicate her needs to the bank or simply can't figure out how anymore that's probably a good indication that something is affecting her cognitively. Spending problems are not uncommon among the older population for all of the reasons you mentions as well as a few others like nefarious people taking advantage of them so I think your suspicions are reasonable and your concern warranted. Are you able to go visit her or have her come home for a visit so you can asses her in person, maybe talk to her doctors to get filled in on how they think shes doing (they may not know her well enough to see behavioral differences but medically)?
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I would not give it to her until she proved it. As POA ask if you can get into her accounts. If she says no, say then no money. By having access you can becable to follow her spending and maybe curtail it.
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