Meeting with attorney this week but undecided about the steps?

The experience you have this weekend will give you some interesting opportunities. I would like to share a couple of thoughts since I don't know what your legal role is mine was POA and now Guardian.
Remember if you are the POA or you are the person that steps up in your family. Keep that in mind- important when you think about "dreaded conversations" what you are. Important no matter to be aware and document the event in detail.
These meetings are for sharing information and collaborating to advocate on the behalf of someone that is not able to do it at 100% of their previous level.
No question---This is emotional but still financial elements provide care. If someone is living in his house, bills have to be paid and expecting rent is reasonable, but it requires management. Also insurance--- If no one is in the house more than 3 months, most insurance rate go up significantly as abandoned. So, we go to Dad's house to stay and keep things taken care of enough to make sure we keep things good until we can settle the estate per the court.

Has he seen any of his doctors recently? What are their opinions on his abilities? While it requires a court to determine need for Guardianship, it would help give you an idea. What is the concensus of the siblings? This is what your meeting should be about-finding out what everyone is thinking and their ideas.
Have an outline of things you would like to cover and ask or talk about. You can open by saying that you wanted to bring everyone up to speed with what the attorney told you. If personalities are historically problematic, think this through before. This where making a script helps and keep in mind this is going to be a management situation, not a decision and done. The focus is on making decisions which are providing advocacy for your Father's care and funding this care. Most people don't have a clue how much it costs to have someone in memory care-$4500-$6000 private pay.

Best wishes

Spoke with the attorney yesterday. He suggest before I make any move to have a conversation with the siblings this weekend on how they wish to handle property matters with the home. He confirms that dad's ssi income will stop at some point at around (usually within the first year of not being in your own home). So even if dad has to go back to the nursing home at some point (because he is not allowed in his home by the sibling living there or his health takes another turn), a lien still will be placed on the home after death for what was put out for his care.

So options presented were to buy dad's property out one of us and take care of him in his home, put the home on the market and use the funds for his care, or to buy each other out, etc.

Even more confused but will attempt the dreaded conversation. Why could we all not be rich? Sigh.

I have a CPA doing our taxes. This year because of a donation I made, we couldn't E-file. So I signed our return in my hubby's name with the notation DPOA. The IRS accepted it without question.

Depends on the family structure-we had a second marriage so multiple factors.
POAs can be fired by the person that asked you to be one if they are influenced while they are exhibiting symptoms of dementia. Many people have paranoid delusions especially about money and theft, so it is easy and those that they live with all the time have easy access to influence. Guardianship and conservatorship are the only answers. We had to take that course and lucky found out at the right time then he fired me after I found an attorney. The situation can also be necessary within a family with dynamics that are not working in the best direction for the impaired individual. OR they are both impaired and think they aren't- like ours also.

Just wanted to give an update. Lady at social security called me back yesterday before closing to say that every three months, I will have to give them an update as to whether or not dad is back in his own home. She says the maximum time that can be given is 9 months and then after that he would lose his SSI income and the house would need to be sold.

Says it is because he is on SSI and Medicaid instead of SSD and Medicaid. Says that the sister can remain in the home only if he (I forgot how she worded this statement) signs over the property to the sibling that still lives in the home.

She also went on to say between the two people who questioned him to get permission to speak to me over the course of a week feels he is still competent enough for now that he does not require representative payee. Still will need to see if the attorney feels the same way.

So if the sibling that still lives there does not want him back in his own home, it seems no other choice but the nursing home. I don't know if he can be declared incompetent right now, has been doing pretty good if he would just go to sleep at night (sigh). So guardianship may be the only way to get him in his own or to keep as we are going but the courts may not find him incompetent.

Totally confusing laws and rules.

And are the sibs living in his house paying market rent and all associated utilities?

Boy this reminds me so much of how my sister and daughter became POA'S over my aunt with Alzheimers. She got my aunt to give her 200k to build 2 apartments onto her house.. My aunts ex-husband and his wife lived with my aunt for 1 and 1/2 years taking care of her while the building took place. My sister got a new roof over the entire thing. Finally my aunts ex-husband and wife couldn't care for her anymore and my sister finally took her in. She was so mean to my Aunt. Didn't feed her, yelled at her if she fell out of bed and was there less than 6 months. My aunt is now in a nursing home. My Aunts house sold and that's what is being used to fund her care services. My sister is a nurse and so is her daughter. My aunt gets nearly 3k a month and no one including my aunt knows where the money is. My aunt called her bank and they told her that her money is gone! Now my sister most definitely is benefiting from what she has done to my aunt. She has 2 apartments she can rent out. New roof and new flooring in her house. My sister just had plastic surgery on her face and breast implants. My sisters friend is the attorney that set All this up and my sister is looking to give up the power of attorney to anyone that will take it!! I have my hands completely full with our parents with whom she gives no help ever!!! I live an hour away and my sister lives 15 min away. She is not a caretaker and put her boundaries in place a long time ago and is not wavering, even just last week when my dad asked for some time with her to help out.
My aunt can't remember my sister 's friend's /attorney name and no one else in the family know who it is. So, yes for you to add on to your house "for your dad" is most certainly benefitting you because your home will increase in value as my sisters has!! Once your dad is gone, you also could rent out that area of the home for added income. Think of another way to help your dad live his best life possible with his money!! It's his money, not yours!!!

If you add on for him, he cannot pay for it if Medicaid in a nursing home will be needed in the future. Medicaid looks at the add on as an enrichment for you if you ever sell your house and a gift from him. Will cause a penalty where you either continue to care for him or pay for his care until the penalty period is over.

You own the home? Adding space increases value? Makes no difference your sacrifice of pocket office. Dad pays for addition, your value increases, you benefit from dad's contribution to YOUR house.

Definitely proceed with conservatorship/guardianship. It's a tedious and expensive process, but in the long run you will be very happy you did. It's higher then POA and a lot of future headaches, frustration and unnecessary stress over red tape and other bureaucratic nonsense will be prevented if you have it.
I'll tell you the truth, I wish I had conservatorship/guardianship over my father instead of just POA. I can't tell you how many hours were spent on the phone on hold because a credit card company or bank wouldn't shut down a card or an account because they wouldn't accept my POA documents on their own.
Get the conservatorship/guardianship. If you have to place your father in a care facility at some point, having it will be a lot better for you both. When nursing homes see a conservatorship/guardianship in place they don't pull the underhanded and often illegal financial abuse that they usually will when there isn't one. Conservatorship/guardianship prevents this because the court is involved. A conservator/guardian in my state has to report to the probate court periodically which is a good thing because they keep the thieving of nursing homes in check. Get the conservatorship.

Thanks MJ1929, dad in my book still seem competent enough so I will see if the attorney is willing to make the switch. He may wish to speak and exam him. Will call today before the appointment this week.

Gladimhere,  I don’t understand your statement. “You can’t add into your home. That is use of his funds that would benefit you.” I hear of people adding on a room or a side all the time to care for a loved one. Now how they paid for the addition is another story. So how is it benefitting me if I’m not the one that will be staying in the additional room?

The one he is in now is my pocket office that I gave up to bring him home. The only thing that fits is the semi-electric hospital bed and that's barely. No bedside commode, wheelchair, or recliner.

So if we found a bigger home or another home that would accommodate all comfortable, are you saying that also would benefit me but not him as well?

The three options explored before dad coming out the hospital was a home in our neighborhood, his home, and a nursing home. So the problem with going back to his own home is that the sibling that lives in his home says he can't come back and have a backup that comes to her with any call.

The other option got put aside (home in neighborhood) because I would lose the respite hours and adult daycare if he lives on his own. Medicaid waiver program.

Going into another nursing home that is closer got set aside because they would only allow 20 minute visits and because all his days had got used in the other nursing home so he would just be housed rather than getting some occupational or physical therapy.

I don't see a solution let alone a perfect solution except back to another nursing home even if it means only 20 minute visits.

If he has enough competence to grant power of attorney, get durable POA (for finances) and an advance medical directive (medical POA). I'd also recommend (again, if he's competent) getting powers of attorney done at his bank or any investment institutions. They like to use their POA paperwork, not yours and can often give you a hard time otherwise.

I don't know about how guardianships work, except they're extremely expensive. The above POAs won't cost anywhere near that.

I am the trustee for my parents' trust (already functioning in that role when both were still living), and that role, along with those durable and medical POAs have been sufficient for me to handle all my mother's affairs (Dad is gone now) without any problems.

You cannot add onto your home, that is use of his funds that would benefit you.

If he is not incapicitated the court will not grant guardianship.