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I've hit the wall with my mom. Her living with us is no longer an option.

I have a tour scheduled tomorrow with a, hopefully, good place., They allow smoking in a lounge so it's probably all good for her. Arggh!

My question is: As I understand it, some kind of medical history is needed to admit a person to an ALF. My mom has not seen a doctor for a checkup in years, probably 30 years or more. Do I need for her to see a doctor before they will accept her? I know I can ask the NH director tomorrow, but I would like a few answers so I don't feel so dumb when I tour tomorrow. I am spending my precious few respite hours on this and want to be prepared.

Sorry so late to ask this question but as we all know, things don't always happen on a logical timeline.

Hugs to all and thanks for your help,

Suzie

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Wow, Suzie, you really got her in fast! I guess that miracle you and your brother hoped for came through for you.

I truly hope this is the start of less stress and more enjoyment.

Thanks for keeping us posted!
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My mom is on day 4 at her new assisted living place. It was extremely painful all around bringing her there. As the woman I talked with about placing her said, "No one wants to be here, at first. It's basically the thought of this as the last place I will live and the recognition of that fact." It's still hard to think about. My mom has been through so much in the last 9 months with dad's death and leaving everything she has ever known, then it not working out with us.

I've been visiting her everyday, scared at first she would hate me, but I listen patiently to her requests and try to fulfill them as best I can. , I believe, one of the few places that allows indoor smoking in the state. Right now she's enjoying being out on their patio garden everyday, having her cigs and a little glass of wine while she does her puzzle books. She loves dogs and they have a couple of sweeties that live there visiting everyone all day long. Her biggest complaint is she can't smoke in her room and it took a couple of days to get free cable. Oh, and the food's really bad even though their chef graduated from Le Cordon Bleu. I attribute it to trying to maintain a low salt diet for residents. Home cooks and restaurants use a lot of salt. I know I do. :(

I made her an absolute favorite of hers' today, Tuna Macaroni Salad to keep in the fridge since she's not eating much. Had to go get paper bowls and plastic utensils since she's too shy to ask them to wash her own stuff. I was happy the beauty salon did great today. She looks like Rue Maclanahan from Golden Girls and she knows it. This might be a good thing....at least for awhile...until the next shoe drops.

I told her I probably wouldn't be able to visit tomorrow, but will be there for certain on Thursday. She didn't seem too upset, but she's quite stoic. I told my husband she'd rule the place in two weeks. I was trying to be sarcastic at the time. Now I'm not so sure. It could be true. :)
I'm so, so, very thankful my great dad set her up financially the way he did on a teacher's budget. I don't want a dime. They gave me everything, I am and have, already.

Guilt has kept me up the past few (many) nights and I send my love and prayers to all who are living the life of a caregiver.

Suzie
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I'm hoping and praying I find the right place quickly. My brother (who lives in Europe) just called to discuss this with her and she started screaming at him and hung up. Now she is screaming at me accusing me of being mentally ill and all sorts of nasty stuff. I've retreated to the upstairs to find some peace. This situation cannot continue. My husband is dreading this weekend and so is our son. It's truly a toxic atmosphere and there are no respite caregivers available this weekend. My brother and I are praying for a miracle - that this place will be ideal and they have an immediate opening. I thank God for my brother and the fact that he and I are on the same page. He lived with her for three months while dad was ill and after dad died. He supports me 100% in this decision.
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windy: I learned that this is not a "quick" process. It will take time for you to find the right place and situation for her. It will take time for your Mom to get used to the idea (which is the decent thing to do...as long as it does not go on forever.) The ALF I chose did not do an exam. A nurse just does an "assessment"....mostly by asking questions. The ALF has a visiting doctor who will see her on site. Once she is there you will still be responsible for all the things that "do not go right." You will be the one called; so be prepared for "settling in time."
Good luck...finding the right placement for both parent and child is never satisfying. You just need to do your best...
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Thank you Carol! Mom refuses to leave the house so I guess I'll have to try and find a doctor that will do a housecall. Wish me luck with that - Golly, the stress just never ends.

I am hopeful that my visit to the facility today will be enlightening and I'll find the answers and support both mom and I need. She quit eating and talking to me since this subject came up yesterday morning. I'm trying to stay positive in the face of her crushing negativity.

I will get this done. I really see no other choice.

Suzie
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Likely, the ALF will want some medical history, so if you can get her in for a checkup that's great. They may need it for insurance purposes. At least she needs a doctor on record.

You sound like you've gone way beyond what many people would do.

They will want to check her heart and her ability to get around, etc. Most ALFs don't cover medical care, but you can eventually hire in-home care there is needed.

Take care of yourself. Get this done : )
Carol
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