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My mother in law is in a nursing home she will not allow anyone of her children to take mom out for the day or lunch or holidays. my sister in law is not capable of taking care of herself let alone my mother in law. my brother in law signed my MIL out for thanksgiving and one of the other brothers picked her up my SIL threw a fit. so at Christmas he refused to allow anyone to take her out of the home except her. as a result my MIL fell getting out of the car and my SIL couldnt get her up. A stranger walking her dog stopped to help. this is one of many incidents we need her off the Medical POA Help!

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MarieT, what does your SIL's falls have to do with whether your MIL should leave the nursing home with you? What do they have to do with her competency to be medical POA?
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This isnt right. My SIL has the medical POA over my MIL. my SIL is the one that refuses to let anyone take mom out. She loves to get out of the nursing home on occasion. My SIL has herself fallen 3 times this year and had to have help getting up because she couldnt get up herself.
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Your SIL is not capable of taking care of herself, let alone a person with dementia? Then why did her mother appoint her healthcare POA? Unless MIL is competent to change the POA and wants to do so, SIL has the authority to make these kinds of decisions.

Make the best of the situation. Visit MIL often. Host small parties there for her. My sisters and I sometimes brought in a pretty table cloth, centerpiece, nice dishes, and Mom's favorite carry out food. We reserved a small community room. Special event for Mom without the hassle of leaving the premises. For holidays we reserved a larger room and set up a pot-luck buffet, with kids and grandkids attending.

There are other ways besides leaving the premises that allow for special meals and events.

Bloom where you are planted now.
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I have a feeling this decision came about after the facility found injuries from the fall. State health departments demand immediate reports of falls and too many reports result in a fine. So when a patient falls the facility has to submit a written plan to avoid future injuries. The obvious solution is no more trips out. As an Ombudsman, I would agree with that solution. Safety First.
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While family members sometimes think that taking a loved one out of a facility for weekends, lunches, holidays is a great thing, sometimes, it's not. Especially, if the person has dementia. Dementia can cause the person to become easily disoriented. They may become scared, confused, agitated if taken from their normal surroundings. What if you and other family members went to her facility and celebrated there?

I have seen it happen that when returned to Memory Care after a short trip, the person didn't recognize the place, grew scared and began to cry. It took a while to reacquaint her with her room, staff, other residents.

Plus, she may not remember once she returns, so the risk of her falling down, picking up a virus, etc. may not be worth the risks of taking her out. So, the POA's reasoning may actually have some good reasons behind it.
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What the family needs to do is have a meeting with the Staff at the nursing home to find out if Mom becomes very difficult after she has time outside of he facility. I see from your profile that your Mom has Alzheimers/dementia.

Since Mom is in a nursing home, that means she needs a much higher level of care due to her Alzheimer's/dementia. What can happen is that when Mom is returned to her room and after the siblings have left, Mom might become upset, out of control, wanting to pack and move out, etc. That makes the job for the Staff all that more difficult trying to calm her down.

It could be that your Mom doesn't act up when your sister-in-law takes Mom out. As for falling out of the car, that could happen with anyone, anywhere.
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