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My bank account has been combined with my mothers for about 5 yrs. She is in the last stages of Alzheimers and lives with me. She is getting close to needing to be in a nursing home. She doesn't know anyone. She sleeps all the time. She won't eat or drink hardly at all. She has lost about 60 lbs. My bank account has been combined with my mothers for about 5 yrs. She is in the last stages of Alzheimers and lives with me. She is getting close to needing to be in a nursing home.

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Please consult an attorney who specializes in Elder Law. If Mother needs skilled nursing care and can only afford it with Medicaid you need to get your ducks in a row so that she can qualify when it is needed.

Don't go by what you were "told." Get professional advice from someone who works with this day after day. The rules are complex and quirks like combined bank accounts make everything more complicated. This is not a do-it-yourself project.

Good luck!
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What you have are co-mingled accounts and they are problematic.

Yes you need to see an elder care attorney. But before you do, start to pull together documentation and paperwork for the last 3 years that the attorney will need to separate your & your mom's finances. I'd start with the last 3 years of monthly bank statements and then for each month document where the deposits come from. If you don't have the statements then that is the time to start to have a relationship with someone at your bank, a banker and not a teller, this is the time to have that happen. Realize that the banks will be apprehensive when $$ is moving around as they are on the alert for misappropriation, etc. It's not personal. If your bank is just flat difficult (Trustmark is very difficult on accepting POA), then ask your attorney which bank to use.

Find her annual SS statement and her annual retirement/annuity statement - for SS this is mailed out in January and is a smallish trifold printed piece. If she gets a federal or state retirement or other retirement, they too send a similar item also in January. Also the last 5 years of taxes on both of you, assuming you filed. IRS stuff takes time to get, so if you don't have copies for 2007 forward, go on-line to IRS to request. If you live in a big city, you can go in person to do these things also if you have the POA documents. You will need all these for the attorney.

I'm assuming you have DPOA on her...so you might as well go an open up a bank account that is completely in your mom's name but with you as a signer on the account and you as the POD. Personally, I'd keep it in the same bank where it is now and write check(s) for exactly whatever was her last months SS check and retirement as the initial deposit. So if SS was $ 654.89 & retirement was $984.78,
then 2 checks for exactly that amount as the initial deposit.

Then go on-line to SS and retirement as her to have her checks direct deposit into this new account. The attorney can also do this but really you can do this and avoid the legal fees to do this part.

Also find all other legal like marriage, divorce and death paperwork. Birth certificate or naturalization papers (this too will be needed for Medicaid). Take the originals but go ahead and make copies in advance. The more complete your documents when you meet the attorney and their paralegals, the easier this will be for all and less cost too. Good luck.
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Thanks for your help. However, since I posted this a lot has changed. My mom has become bedfast and hospice has been called in. They are telling me that they will be surprised if my mom is still here in 1 month. We have moved her bed into the living room and are trying to make her as comfortable as possible. She sleeps most of the time and is no longer a problem wandering and getting into things. So for now a nursing home is no longer necessary. It was the transition period into this last stage that was so hard to handle. Thanks for all the support on this site!
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Thanks for updating us. And best wishes to you as you travel this leg of the very challenging journey we are all on!
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