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I'm 17, my mom passed suddenly, 3 months ago. My dad now has to live in a nursing home.( He is disabled, she was his primary caretaker) Our home is being sold, and I'm told all proceeds go to nursing home. I have to support myself. How can this be true

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Iggy, thanks for coming to the rescue.

As to a solution outside of Juvenile Court or other institution, I don't think jurisdiction would extend to Jude. I worked in the County Juvenile Court as a court reporter; there were two areas of jurisdiction: neglect and delinquency. Caseworkers were overloaded; a situation like Jude's wouldn't even be considered neglect, but this was also several decades ago.

Your suggestions for an interested teacher or person in her high school are good; she could get that kind of support more easily than an overworked counselor or social worker who might not be experienced in handling a situation like this.

Jude, I'm wondering also if your aunt could step in to help out until you go to college, or are there any other relatives who could provide support? I'm a bit concerned after reading Iggy's comments on emancipated minors. If school staff become involved, they might have to report to social services that a 17 year old girl is living alone. I believe that school officials are mandated reporters, which means that certain conditions require them by law to notify authorities.

Perhaps even an adult cousin or relative could stay with you in the house until you leave for college.

I don't want to frighten you, but just help you to be aware of the issues that might arise.

Just wanted to add that I hope you continue to share what you learn from contacting folks today so we can follow your progress.
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Jude - sorry for the loss of your mom. Death of a parent & HS senioritis, well dear all this is going to be quite character building.

Couple of ?'s…how old is your dad?
His age will make a difference for Medicaid as the rules for those under 55 are similar yet different in the compliance aspect of Medicaid. Like estate recovery is required for an applicant over 55 but NOT for those under 55.

Dad is still cognitive but physically unable to do for himself? Can dad still do things legally?

Who exactly is telling you the house has to be sold? Medicaid does NOT require the applicant's home to be sold. They can continue to own the property. Now I will say most NH applications are for the very elderly and for them, its really quite a different situation than you find yourself dealing with. like for example the estate recovery requirement for LTC NH Medicaid does not apply for those under 55 on Medicaid. I'd bet if it is the NH, the admissions person is quoting you "policy" based on elderly admission with no dependents as their kids are themselves in their 50's or 60's or even 70's. That is not you. If your Aunt is running herd on tho, she may herself be still grieving and overwhelmed, but she needs to understand that as you as a minor and a required by law dependent of your dad, so the situation is totally different than for a grandpa going in NH.

About whom to talk to, well you are going to need an atty at some point in all this. But for the more immediate need, I would try to do whatever to be somewhat outside of the juvenile court system or ward of the state placement. The vast majority on those are all kids with signifiant dysfuntionality and the system is set up for short term repeat foster homes that have a # of kids already. If dad is capable, then you and him try to work all this out first & foremost.

I would suggest if family is not available or not understanding, to seek out parents who are your friends parents….like the parent of someone you play sports with, church group, scouting family. If your mom had a BFF who has kids around your age, I'd speak with that person. You will need sounding boards on all this. They are going to know a lot more of what as a HS senior is going on and needing to be done; and aren't going to freak out about how different a HS senior is now in 2016 than when they were in HS.

I'm a late-in-life-mom of an son who graduated HS last year at 17 and just turned 18 after he started his freshman year at college…..it is really hard for those who are not contemporary parents right now to get grip on what it's like for HS & college. Our son had a friend emancipated junior year & we have friend who emancipated the son from the fathers first marriage…..it is not simple and really probably not what you need.

There was mention of HS guidance counselor……well most schools are at a loss on things like your problems and the knee-jerk reaction to to call in state social worker and let juvee system deal with it. Unless you go to a really unique and well funded public or even private HS, the college counselor has a full plate just dealing with getting transcripts & reccomenadtions written and AP certifications done and doing the PR on athletic scholarships to deal with much less deal with you and your situation imho. I would try to find a teacher to be your academic point person, like a teacher who you have done well in their class - even if soph year - OR that teaches a subject that will be relative to your major or minor OR faculty that is an alumn of the college or university you want to go to.

I'm assuming you are not emancipated? So when will your turn 18?

Unless your parents did their taxes recently, there is going to be an issue for FAFSA as it requires the parents participation both to get their own account and activate it. Even if your private paying for college, the FAFSA still has to be done….. Now you personally can do your own FAFSA and you will need to do your taxes for 2015 asap and then do the FAFSA. At least it will get it in the system and you will be able to get a Stafford (which is only 5K for freshman but at least it gets some financial aid going).
Try to find your parents 2014 taxes as you can use it to do a estimated FAFSA once you can figure out how to do it or how your Aunt or whomever is executor for you mom or if your dad could do this.

Are you applying to any colleges that do The Common Application?
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I've asked Igloo as well as the Admins to offer some advice to Jude as well.
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Please be sure to talk to your guidance counselor and the legal aid lawyer about how to fill out the FAFSA paperwork.
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Good for you. You will succeed and I hope that tomorrow you feel inspired to talk to someone at school. While this may not have been a vision you would have written for yourself you will benefit from being what is known as a "survivor." Don't accept second best for yourself.
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I have applications in to several colleges, have been accepted to a couple. Applying for financial aid now.
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Yes, applying for Medicaid is a very tedious process and can take a long time. My daughter in law is legally blind and she has been fighting with Medicaid for over a year for coverage after she retired from her job. Hopefully the money spent to hire this company will be successful and make things go quickly.When you turn 18 you might need to look for services in the government that are meant to help people in your situation. Health coverage, community colleges, work study programs, ask you counselor now for help. If you do not feel you are getting the right answers keep looking until you find someone who is willing to help. Those people are out there. You should do what you can to go to school and work at the same time. I hope you have a friend or good peer group to hang with and talk to. This is not an easy situation for any young person to handle. I hope your Dad is understanding of your needs as well.
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Call Legal Aid first thing tomorrow. You need your own representation in this process.

Prior to your mom dying, what were your post HS plans? College, military, job training?
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My aunt hired a company to apply for medicaid, it is a very tedious process, I'm told. I do receive SS benefit under my dad's SS Disability, but that will stop when I turn 18. This Senior Planning Company says they will try to get me a stipend per month from my father's assets, but it too will stop when I am 18. I graduate HS in June and I will be 18 in June.
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Good point on keeping the question up top. Medicaid has rules that govern what assets your Dad can have if he needs to have his medical needs covered by them. But you have rights also. You may qualify for Social Security as a minor of a deceased.A lot might depend on your mom's age and if she worked. Do you feel your Dad is making a good decision or is he being "talked" into this? A POA only has the authority if your Dad says so, he can always revoke it. You will have to decide whether you feel you have a comfortable trusting relationship with your aunt. hard to think about but maybe key as to how you feel things will work out for you. You have a parent so you are not considered an orphan but the courts should have services for you.
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Please find someone to talk to. Are you still in school? Try a counselor. Do you have a church ? Try a youth minister. You need an advocate as the basis of this story provokes too many questions. You also need someone you can trust. Is your father competent ? Do you have any siblings or aunts and uncles? Look for any form of competent advice . Since you have access to a computer start researching what is happening. Don't be afraid to document , asks questions, write down peoples names for reference . If you are being forced to take over a role you never thought possible you will become stronger when you feel more informed. Check back and stay strong.
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You must present uourself to the dovial worker at the NH tomorrow and ask her advice. For starts, you need to contact Legal Aid and get yourself a lawyer. If you are an unemancipated minor ( are you still in HS?) your father still has an obligation to support you and Medicaid, i believe, is not allowed to empoverish you. I'm trying to keep this question at the top of the list so our legal eagles see it.
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You and your aunt need to talk to an Elderlaw Attorney ASAP!!! Not an attorney that specializes in estate planning as its far too late for that.
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I live in NJ, No will. My aunt has power of attorney to sign things. My father is able to make decisions. He was told, to qualify for Medicaid to pay for NH, must sell the house. He has a limited income, and couldn't afford to live in the house even if he could take care of himself.
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What state do you live in? Did mom have a will? Who is selling the house. You are a minor child, is your father still competent to make decisions on your behalf? Does someone hold a Power of Attorney for him?
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Who is telling you this? You need to talk to the social worker at the NH.
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