I just joined -- and reading up on this forum has been so helpful. I've been wringer in my life, but seeing my mom's body and mind deteriorate like this has been the most stressful experience of my life.
I'm sure my story sounds familiar-- elderly mom does not want to leave home. My mom has been living in her home 46 years -- but it's now unsafe. Very unsafe.
My mom has good days and very bad days. Sometimes she's almost her old self and seemingly lucid. Other days, my brother has found her in the kitchen, in the dark, staring down at the floor -- not asleep -- but in something like a trance.
My brother and I think the isolation and loneliness is making the situation much worse. We have talked extensively in the past about moving my mom to some kind of residential community with other seniors -- but she doesn't like old people. (My mom just turned 91! She was working until 4 years ago when she was in a life-changing car accident.)
She's had a pretty significant decline over the last six months -- and she has finally admitted she might be safer in a smaller home. The stairs are steep and super dangerous for her.
If we were wealthy, I would not be writing this post. My mom has very little in the bank, but she owns a house in Cherry Hill, NJ -- we are about to put it on the market - and if it sells, we would be lucky to get $350,000. But there are some heavy debts to pay -- and I'm looking at something more like $250,000, all said and done.
My brother and I are making plans to see an elder attorney to do the pooled income trust thing --
Sorry to take so long to get to the main question: I am hearing mixed things regarding NY and NJ. I was under the impression that the Medicaid look back was impossible to circumvent in NJ -- and was limiting my search to NY. Then, yesterday, I spoke to a man who runs a service helping people find AL for families and told me the opposite -- that NJ was better. That someone could be private pay for a year in a place, money runs out, and then full Medicaid steps in.
We are looking for a forever place for mom. And we are seeking a one-bedroom apt., not a tiny room.
My brother lives in South Jersey, I live in Brooklyn. We had been hoping to keep her in NJ, because that is what she prefers, but if I could find a place close to me (NYC or somewhere along Metro North) that could work.
Does anyone out there know about NY versus NJ -- and/or have any places they would recommend?
Lastly, we are Jewish. Not super religious or kosher, but, very culturally identified. And communities / AL that have a decent sized Jewish population would be the ideal.
Thank you so much for reading this long post!