Are there mediators to help communicate with a parent who won't talk to you? - AgingCare.com

Are there mediators to help communicate with a parent who won't talk to you?

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My father has a fixation that I've stolen money from him. Actually reported me to the police. I didn't do this. And I really want you relationship back with my father and I really miss my stepmother. The investigation started last June. I'm sure the detective has found nothing. I just don't know where to look for someone who could meet with me and him and help him see if didn't do this.

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I don't quite follow this, are detectives actually, at your father's instigation, investigating you and looking into your doings because he says you have stolen from him? Are you actually going to get a lawyer? Your father sounds like he has dementia or some brain condition, intelligent or not, one would think police and lawyers would recognize this. But if he is as healthy looking and sharp as you say, I suppose they will take him seriously. Please come back here and let us readers know the outcome.
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Contact two people in Placentia, CA- #1 the town's elder care case worker and #2 the town's social worker. They're designed to aide the elderly.
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Sounds like your dad has dementia. Paranoia and accusing people of stealing is very common with this disease. My mom accused me of stealing and taking whatever she could not find in her house. I lived 7 hours away in another state, but there was no logic or reasoning with her. The police called me numerous times, since I had a key. She also changed the locks numerous times.

Many times the police are familiar with elders doing this. They told me it happens all the time. When I went through this, it was awful. My mom and I were always on good terms. Once the accusations started - she hated me. I literally mourned the loss of my mother.

Someone told me to wait awhile and not talk to her. I did exactly that. I waited about 4 months and she forgot all about it.

I am so sorry this is happening to you. If dad does have dementia - don't take it personally - it is the disease. It is hard not to though.
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If your father is a member of a faith community, someone there should be able to help you.
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There are Elder mediators available. Depending on where you live you should google elder care Mediator's but depending on how far along he is that might not help. That is just part of the disease and happens to many. I have a friend whose Mom would not let one of her sons in her house because she thought he was stealing everything from Money to her mop. My suggestion is to find a support group. Someone there will have gone through the same thing and might have a suggestion. There are many and if you can't find one I would call the Alzheimer's Association in your area to get a referral. If you are in Southern California I can help you. Just write back
Good luck
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Thank you both for your answers and support. I have not been contacted by anyone. I found out about the report through my brother. And my husband verified the report was made by my father through the police department in the city he lives in back in June.
My father is completely cured from the cancer and has absolutely no physical issues. He and his wife, who i spent every summer with growing up, live part time in the USA and part time in Europe. They have a very healthy lifestyle. They walk about 10 miles a day. They go dancing every friday night.

I understand for a lot of people they would just let it go. But it is too much for me. I will try to contact a lawyer. Hopefully they can help. If the police discover and tell my dad that nobody stole from him do you think he would listen to them? I'm afraid a lawyer will reaffirm what he believes and he will think worse of me.
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I'm sorry for the loss of your mother and your estrangement from your father and stepmom. I'm glad you have your brother and that he believes you. I'm glad you didn't steal from your father. You may have to accept that your fathers illness has led him to his current position on not seeing you. Your wanting to seek mediation might work if you were dealing with a rational person but unfortunately your father may have lost the capacity to reason in such a way as to accept that he is terribly wrong about your actions. If he seems rational in all other ways perhaps the best you can do is live your life in an admiral way, be there to support your brother in his efforts to help out with your fathers care and hope that your fathers suspicions fade. In other words if he is ill then you have to accept it. If he is not ill you have to accept that you may have to hire a criminal attorney to clear your name. I admire your looking for a resolution to reunite your family.
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Sunny's advice to be cautious is good advice. It could be construed to be harassment by your father.

I'm not familiar with any other similar situations, but then most of the information I get is online rather than from families other than a few who are in a similar situation.

The only other situation I'm aware of in my personal experience is a family in which one of the siblings was very contentious, dishonest, accusatory, and conniving. I don't know of any families in which mediation has involved a parent and adult sibling.

It's been quite a while since I've had done any research in this area, so w/o doing so, these are just some suggestions. Contact your local county or state bar association and ask if there are attorneys who mediate in family situations. Most that I was aware of years ago mediate litigation or through the American Arbitration Association, but there might be some in a family law or elder law practice area who might mediate in family issues.

Even someone in a litigation practice area could mediate, and that might just as good b/c the focus would be to avoid further escalation of the friction and find a solution now.

You could also call any local law schools; there might be some law profs who do mediation on the side.

If, however, your father does pursue the complaint he filed and the police continue to question you, you'd want a criminal lawyer, and ONLY a criminal lawyer to represent you and guide you through the next steps.
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His chemo was done intravenously. He had bladder cancer.
You suggested a lawyer. What typeof lawyer should I talk to?
Have you ever heard of anyone else in this situation?
Im absolutely shocked by all of this. And unfortunately i found out right at the same time my mother had a massive stroke. She lived for a month after that. So i just recently lost my mother which is just making this situation harder.
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I've had limited, but unsettling, experience with chemo brain. The delusions and hallucinations really do seem real at the time. Clarify can come later though.

Where was the chemo? Has your father had whole brain rads?
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