Mediation vs family therapy for a divided, large family?

Shut down the dissent and you won’t need a mediator.

Getting two or more people to agree on anything about anything is nigh unto impossible. So why does this large family think they all should have a say-so about what are ultimately the most personal decisions that someone (or their agent) can possibly make?

The POA can nicely shut it down by pointing out that they were chosen to make decisions. Point out that they’re researching it and will take various aspects into consideration before making the best decision on behalf of mom or dad according to what the parent previously said they wanted. Then do it and turn off the phone.

dnajaras: Perhaps you can contact your locality's Council on Aging, who should have a social worker on staff. Start there.

Can mom pay 140 k a year for nursing home or can she afford over 200 k for in home services 24/7? You need to review your health proxy duties. Usually you make the medical decisions. A POA or guardian should deal with the hiring of custodial care. You are under no obligation to be her physical slave.

Who is the POA or the guardian.

That is really the only question her in so far as care goes. That person is in charge.

I can give you ways to reach out to mediators if you need them, but it is unusual for people to easily give up on their favored "position" in these things. It often only adds more floundering and indecision, often broken relationships.

Whomever is the POA or guardian needs to make clear it is their own fiduciary responsibility to make these difficult decisions. Incorrect decisions can always be made; that happens, but too many chefs will definitely spoil any stew.

Just my humble opinion here. And if you want web sites to reach out to family mediators do shoot me a private message and I will provide you some websites.

You have been asking questions since May about the problems being a Healthcare proxy. You do talk about someone having financial POA. If Mom is competent, maybe she should assign the financial POA healthcare proxy too. Its so much better for everyone if its one and the same person. Then there's no question on who has what responsibility.

If there is a financial POA and healthcare proxy, those two make decisions together. Your decisions are based on Moms wishes healthwise. You can't place Mom in care without knowing how she stands money wise. Being healthcare proxy does not mean you have to physically care for Mom. Financial POA does not have to do the caring either. If there is a conflict concerning how Mom will be cared for, you and the financial POA make that decision together. FPOA because that person knows how much money is available and will do the Medicaid application. You because you are involved with the doctors. Thats why Mom assigned POAs, they make the final decisions.

Perhaps this is why they want a health care proxy as the hcp makes most of the final decisions over the conflicted large family.