I'm a caregiver for my Mom and may have to quit my job, but can't afford to. What should I do? - AgingCare.com

I'm a caregiver for my Mom and may have to quit my job, but can't afford to. What should I do?

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My mother is 87 and I have been her caregiver ever since my Dad died. Plus she lives with me and I work anywhere from 6 to 10.5 hours a day, 5 to 6 days a week. She is becoming more and more depended on me. It is coming to a point that I might have to quit my job to care for her. We cannot really afford for me to do that. I am at a lost of what to do, plus now with all the other health problems she now has diabetes and takes shots 4 time a day, I took off 2 week to help her through this, but each time I have to walk her through each step. I have made up pictures step by step for when I go back to work. she always tell me she is afraid to be alone and this is something new. I know that things are changing for her, but I have given up over 20 years of my life for her. and now it my come to I have to quit my job to care for her 24/7.
I am at a lost of what to do.

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If your mom cannot afford to pay for care, then you can apply for Medicaid for her:

nolo/legal-encyclopedia/when-will-medicaid-pay-nursing-home-assisted-living.html

http://longtermcare.gov/medicare-medicaid-more/medicaid/

DO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB. If your mom needs more care, it is she who must bend and move into a care facility. If she's mad at you, so what. You need your job in order to live. If you quit now, you might not ever find another job. Don't put your job at risk. Do find placement for your mother.
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Caregivers are NOT paid to be called names and take abuse. If a caregiver from my agency called into the office and said a client was calling her names and verbally abusing her I'd yank her out of that situation that minute and that family would have to find another agency.
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Everyone feels when it's time they have to be the caregivers for their loveones like if it's automatic without option or choice.That thinking is wrong, you all have options and choices to seek.What caregiver newbies don't realize until it's to late is,when a elderly person becomes upset or angry the elderly take it out on the closest person to them that they know the most "The Caregiver".
You and your Parents may get along now.That's all fine and dandy until you become their caregiver, you learn the hard way as finding/learning their darkside inturn regret learning about.I've seen many family relationships go sour from taking on the job as a Caregiver for their loveones.Elderly people at some point will abuse,accuse and call names to the one's closets to them.I learned it's best to let a outsider be the caregiver.Let the outsider take the abuse and name calling.That's what they get paid to do.
Your talking about quiting your job,that's a life change you don't need.Changing jobs because,of long hours away from family is understandable but,not to just be a caregiver.For many reasons as I stated above and you wont be paid to do so.
Your parents wouldn't want to see you quit your job I'm sure of it if they learned it is because of them as the reason.You need to step back and think before reacting on caregiving.Try hiring a few caregivers and see how much easier it is on you.You will find seating back,watching is a better enjoyment for you and your parents.Enjoy the time you have with your parents not work for it.Your parents worked all their lives to save for their retirement.Their retirement is here.If they didn't save there's always Medicaid.
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Hi babas4me,

I hope you don't have to quit your job. What happens if your mom has to go into a NH? When our parents have to go into the NH the caregiving doesn't stop, it just gets different. And the stress of that on top of having to look for work would be huge.

As you said, your mom has grown more dependent upon you and she will likely continue to grow more dependent upon you as time goes by. It sounds like your mom was thrown a little by her diagnosis of diabetes. I'm sure you both received instructions and support for the diabetes but it still might be somewhat new to your mom and she now has to get used to injections and taking her blood sugar and measuring her blood sugar, the test strips, and the needles. That's a lot to take in for an 87 year old. A lot to keep track of and your mom may not completely understand what she has to do now even though making pictures to demonstrate is a great idea. She may not come to grasp it all but if you let her do it while you oversee it that will help her get more used to it. Don't just do it for her even though that might easier. Encourage her to do it herself while you watch to make sure she knows what she's doing.

Is your mom in a position to have caregivers come in and help her? Maybe for a few hours a day? But if she is beginning to need full-time care you have 3 options: quit your job and become a full-time caregiver for the rest of your mom's life; hire caregivers to be there when you can't; place your mom in a NH.

Quitting a job is so permanent and when we devote our lives to our parent(s), we tend to be very lost when they're gone. Once your mom is gone you will be in the position of having to find a job, maybe immediately. I've been there, I know what that's like.

Right now you still have choices and that's good.
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