My marriage is going downhill fast. Mother in law lives with us, and I am the caregiver. I'm tired. Advice? - AgingCare.com

My marriage is going downhill fast. Mother in law lives with us, and I am the caregiver. I'm tired. Advice?

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He does not support or validate that I am tired. I don't know how much more I can give. It is his mother. I am liking this man less and less each day.

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Maybe your husband feels that you can work as a team.....his job at work and your job at home. Elderly parents eventually need care if they live that long. I am currently caring for my MIL (AD) in my house and my own mother who lives 3 miles away. Both are very needy. My husband died 3 1/2 years ago and I would give anything to have him back. You don't realize how much your husband does for you until he is gone. Try to support him with his work issues and then his listening ear will open to your "work issues" at home. I've learned a lot by caring for my MIL (whom I resented and disliked for many years). It's not all about me anymore and I would love to have a long, long conversation with my husband totally supporting him. That is - instead of seeing life as all about making me and everybody else happy. It's about commitment and strength and faith and longsuffering and kindness.
Oh and BTW, I am sooooooooo still learning and nowhere near the description above - but it is what I know to be true.
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i care for FIL 16hrs 7 days a wk no one say thank u or do u need help. i love my husband i just dont like him right now. i do it because my FIL is family and believe me im tired. sometimes i feel so alone i cry and my husband has no clue but i have to beleive im doing the right thing g
then i get up the next day and do it all over again
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Let me repeat what I said in another, similar post...I'd be divorced. I'll see some man in hell before he puts the burden of caring for HIS parent(s) on my back. I'm not any man's beast of burden...and that's exactly what you're being treated as. Hello DIVORCE lawyer, good bye unfeeling, insensitive moron!
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How did she come to be there? Do you have the finances available to leave? Tell him plainly that you did not sign up for this and it is either his mom or you.
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Molly-
This doesn't sound right to me at all. I would tell hubby that you need time away from this responsibility, then hire home care or use a senior center, day care center to make sure that happens. Maybe if it started hitting him in his wallet things might start to change a bit. You need to take care of you. If that doesn't work what would he do if you decided to leave? He would find out very quickly how difficult it is. You need to have a backup plan anyway, just in case something happens to you. What about assisted living? Establish your boundaries and stick to them.
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And while you are taking your break seek some counseling for yourself to help you deal with all of this mess.
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Clearly, your husband is using you to take care of his mother. Maybe you should leave for a few nights and days so that he possibly get the point.
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