Mom lives alone in big house in NC. Fall risk. Only let me involve a care agency last year. They do shopping, errands, and transport of my mentally ill sister from her group home to mom's. Recent resumption of services after forced bed bug intervention. Sis is coming back home. There is one of the transport workers, who brought mom some food for Thanksgiving, when agency service was suspended (I had someone there pitch hitting during this time). Nice, huh? My mom wanted to xmas shop, but no one from the agency was available. So, this same worker came by (not on agency time or schedule) and helped mom out. Mom said she paid her a little to do this. I am on mom's account, checked it, and see she gave her $150. She has brought mom little crafty gifts shes made as well. I know mom loaned her money previously, which appeared to be paid back. I am an LISW, and know what a conflict this is. I think I found the workers phone #. My instinct is to call her, and tell her not to continue to do this. I don't want to get her fired. But, my mother's prior caretaker (of mom's choosing) had a similar profile, and ended up stealing $ -it took years to convince my mom of this. Advice?

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Bianca12, you really do need to stop worrying about getting this aide fired. She is using your mother to feed her gambling addiction. In addition, you are dealing with your mother who sounds like she can be uncooperative. I would, quite frankly, send the entire agency south.
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I agree with Ahmijoy to not concern yourself over the girl getting fired.  You need to protect mom and her best interests first, not that person who's taking advantage of her! 

You should call the head of that agency, request anonymity (for mom's safety), and get the email address to follow up in writing.  Then report the girl's activities to that person, how much she charged your mom for very little, and tell him/her that she and anyone else who isn't directly sent from the agency or with your advance knowledge is never to return or contact mom again.  Be sure that's in writing as a follow up to your phone call.  You don't have to send the FB posts, but it's not a terrible idea; do it.  Her behavior to go to the agency's elderly clients and get them to pay her directly should get her fired!, especially unrealistic amounts! Charging mom $150 or even just accepting $150 from mom for few little errands is disgusting, shameful behavior, and illegal!  Some people should not be in the jobs they're in; she's one.  She's taking advantage of mom, an elderly person!  It's elder abuse!, and can & should be reported.  Mom's at risk!

Talk to mom; tell her you're looking out for her best interests; get her to let you be involved more.  Mom may feel people are being nice and helping her when they're really manipulating and taking advantage of her good nature and possible slower thinking.

Mom's 90, and should not be living alone any longer. Plus, she's a fall risk, increasing her need for safety and 24/7 available help. You'll need to either hire someone you all trust to live in or move to AL closer to family that can help her. Presumably your sister would have to move near that same area, too, but not with mom or for mom to help. They can't take care of each other or themselves. Since you don't see mom every day, there may be much more you're unaware of that's going on there.
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It is very, very difficult to try to manage the care of someone long distance, especially when they are semi-independent and somewhat uncooperative as your mother is. I would not concern myself with getting the aide fired. $150 for a few errands is more than “a little”. Not your monkeys, not your circus. If this aide is in the habit of collecting this sort of compensation for small errands for her charges, she’s probably making a tidy little unreported extra sum. For all you know, she could have encouraged your mother to give her that much.

Would it be possible to hire a live-in housekeeper for your mother? Does she have any lady friends who might be interested in sharing experiences for a place to live?
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bianca12 Dec 2019
She doesn't utilize the free housekeeping services the agency offers. I have hooked her up with another outside deep cleaning woman, who has helped her clean her closets, which she was supposed to do (repeatedly) before bed bug treatments. The care agency had suspended all shopping, transport, contact, etc after repeated issues with bedbugs, which has been handled for now. My mom was supposed to get her house deep cleaned, but put it off until after xmas. Likely she will blow the (alternate) cleaner off, now that she has the agency transport back. I am concerned about the one woman in the agency, who has been extremely solicitous of my mom (came over after the agency suspended service), transported her off the books etc. This cost my mom $150, simply to go downtown, 2.5 miles away. I have looked the woman up on FB,viewed her "likes" and it is all gambling games, slots, etc. These people generally need $. I don't want to get her fired, but I have copied her FB "likes" and considering sending them to my mom the next time I see a check written to this woman. Again, she is supposed to be working for the agency.
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