My mother in law moved in with us 4 years ago. I have tried over the years to be patient and tolerant. She is very manipulative and is mean to me especially when my husband is not home. She will cook food and tell me what is for him and what I am allowed to have. She ruins most holidays as she knows they are important to me and holds me responsible for every bad thing that has ever happened to her since she has lived with us. Trust me...nothing really bad has happened. She has 3 grandsons...ages 16, 11 and 9. The younger 2 she only refers to as "those boys" and not by their names. She is like a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. When my husband comes home from work she will welcome him with open arms and greet him at the door. If I get home before him she will shut the door in my face and go about her business. If I say anything to her about her passive aggressive behavior toward me in front of my husband, she will lie and ignore me. He will support me whenever I say anything.
I don't know how to deal with this anymore. I adore my husband and know this is hard on him as well. I had a wonderful relationship with his father in law, who on his death bed told me that someday she would have to live with us and she is extremely difficult to live with.Their marriage was a rocky road due to her mood swings which I am so fortunate to now have to endure. I've tried being kindness, patience, civility, silence, yelling..you name it. Nothing stops her from being mean to anyone. If you ask her to do something, she will deliberately do what you ask her not to do even when my husband asks.
Does anybody have any advice for this situation? I just am at the end of my rope. She is 85 and extremely overbearing. She can also not live alone.