I manage the VA benefits for my mother. Because of her dementia, I am the fiduciary for her money and I set that up with the bank. Only I can write checks on the account. We have listed her name and address and then another line that lists me as the fiduciary so I can write checks for her personal items at the store. I can write her a check for cash if she needs money to get her hair cut or eat out. I cannot write a check to a family member, so no one else can use her money. I only pay her bills with the money and I make notations on every check as to what it is being paid for. I simplified her bills, so I only have to pay a few things with checks every month. It's not been difficult since I got it set up. Someone from the VA had to come out to interview me to make sure I would manage the money wisely and they did a credit check to make sure I wasn't a terrible money manager. My mom trusts me because if I spent all of her money, I would be the one left having to pay for everything out of my pocket anyway, so I manage her money very, very carefully.
I applied at the VA Nursing Home after my husband had been a patient there. I was able to get him home after he recovered from a fall. They already had all my paperwork so all I had to do was sign a request for it. I haven't heard anything yet. It's been three months! I have heard it takes 6 months for an answer.
There are Veteran's Service Centers that operate independently of the VA. They helped me fill out and understand the A&A benefits. The link here is for the Riverside County, CA office. I include it because they can direct you to the office in your area (assuming you are elsewhere). Good luck! http://veteranservices.co.riverside.ca.us/opencms/Meet_Staff/
http://veteranservices.co.riverside.ca.us/opencms/Meet_Staff/