How do you manage the stress on your marriage when you are the only daughter caring for mother? - AgingCare.com

How do you manage the stress on your marriage when you are the only daughter caring for mother?

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My relationship is strained and on the verge of ending after 10 plus years. My partner resents the time I spend at the hospital and resents my mother who is in the hospital. I don't know what to do.

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Give husband some on his own time and some exercise time. Same for self if you can squeeze it in. I do mopping and sweeping with squats now and walk for 10min. or lift my feet whenever I can. Time with husband? At least talking on the phone can help. Very rough time though!
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Hi Mythos:
I just this week told him i never realized how much i love him until this situation with Alzheimers started. He makes everything easier for me. Then, before i know it, I'm worried about the day i might lose him. caregivers have a lonely job, but a real man remains by his wife's side no matter what! What makes him think he may not have a problem like yours and need your love and help too.

Tonio999
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I hardly get to spend any time with my husband of 35 years. Mom won't let me out of her sight. My husband is the greatest and always so kind. I really miss out time together. For his birthday a few days ago we managed to go to a movie. It was so great and I really laughed at the comedy. I made sure to be home by 9pm as I knew she would be lost at bedtime. Mom makes me sleep with her at night and I feel bad that I'm not in bed with my husband. He totally understands but I really miss him alot. Life takes a turn when you become a caregiver.
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My husband is on PD dialysis, he is well and helps all the time. His annoyance level is great. We liked to travel a lot. But with mom we cannot. But we also are waiting for a call to get a new kidney, so we both recognize that long distance travel wouldn't of worked at this time anyway. Mom's dementia is getting worse and she so depends on us that I have come to think of all of this as our calling. I was not so healthy myself for a while, we are in our 60's, but have gotten through all that. After 3 years with mom, we are resigned to taking care of her. His mom is ninety and we may have her too. That is life, not easy, but we were never promised it would be. I am just so lucky to have Steve as I have no other brothers or sisters either. I am grateful he is still working and all our bills are paid.
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I was so glad to see this post. So far, so good with my husband and his patience. I think he gets more aggrevated at me than my Mom because I am always so tired and fall asleep when I set down and some days I don't get a whole lot done. My Mom is nosy and we have no privacy whatsoever. So when we talk is when we go to bed at night and then usually fall asleep in the middle of a conversation. She thinks she has to know and see everything that we do. We try to have a date at least once a week and sometimes she may not be doing as good as I would like for her to be so that I could leave for a little while, but I do not want to say no when my husband suggests we go somewhere or do something, because we have always been goers and doers and this has been a rough and tough adjustment for both of us. It is taking a toll on me in every way. I pray with all my heart that it doesn't take a toll on my marriage because I have given up everything to take care of my Mom and I certainly don't want to lose my marriage, but it is the most stressful thing ever on a marriage. Best of luck to you!
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It is hard, we have a very strong marriage. Taking care of Mother is not the real problem. The stress and strain on both of us comes from my two sisters who think they can camp out here and watch TV under the pretense of helping Mom. Limits have been set, yet they continue to push, be rude and disrespectful. I truly wish I was an only child.
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My relationship is strained as well. I can't do everything I used to do any more and my husband gets annoyed that he has to help out.

How long has your Mom been in the hospital? It doesn't seem reasonable for him to resent something so much that it's about to end you marriage.

Have you thought of doing some of the things we do when our kids are young to keep a marriage strong? My husband and I have a date night. Funnily my Mom (in Assisted Living) always wants to come. She doesn't get that we need time alone. She says I seem him all the time. I do, but never to just sit, relax and talk.
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