Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing

41 Answers

Most
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
1 2
I would do exactly what you are doing. I have a mom in a retirement home. She has had a friend for maybe 40 years who has visited her occasionally all those years. She has been widowed twice, and now is in obvious dementia. The old friend has helped her mentally, by giving her someone besides me to care. I am afraid she might be thinking of marrying him to get out of the "home". I know she loves him as a friend, and vice versa, but I seriously doubt he would take on the responsibility of 24/7 care of her. He has his own problems. (I may be on here in a few months asking " should I let her marry him?"). God forbid I should have to go through the last 6 months of getting her in a home, helping her get caught up on doctor visits, glasses, and a hearing aid, and deal with her confusion and rebellion over having to be widowed, lose her home, income and car, plus having me put her in this "prison". She is 87, and doing much better and becoming more accepting of her situation. If she left there and was widowed again or the dementia got more than he could handle, I would have to go through all this again, I say NO WAY! But as I said before, I would do everything I could to keep things on a friendship basis only.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
I came by to pick her up to go out to the zoo today after church.. Found the Man had been in her room (Unsupervised) again.. He had a Loose Stool explosion.. all over her bathroom, floor, carpet, bed, chair, and left a poopy sock in her trash- then took one of hers and was wearing it.. It took me 30 minutes to try and clean and disinfect.. with Lysol wipes, and an old washrag.. I took her out- asking that they get housekeeping in there while we were gone- I was gone 3 hrs-- came back to Nothing done! Its so frustrating! Also after telling the now evening shift about it.. (Day shift left without sayin a word) I find out.. Mom and the Man were locked in her room last night and refused to come out for supper-- Neither one ate supper? I was then furious.. What is with these aides ? Why do they not know how to negotiate with ALZ disease? U bait them with something they would like.. They could have told Mom I was calling.. or even called me.. I have given them permission.. you know why no call? Ill tell you why.. because they were allowing her to babysit him.. for them! again.. and have been told not to let him stay in there unsupervised.. Well- so.. now.. Mom has crap all over her room, carpet, rocker everywhere.. no matter what you do-- you cant sanitize that out very well--Believe me.. if I could move her I would. (Long Story) but mostly, since she is 'Medicaid' pay- choices ZIP! this place is on 6 mos 'provisional' license.. due to several violations.. I'm notifying my Umbudsman tomorrow .. after talking to the Admin.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
This is beyond crazy! Call Ombudsman, file a formal complaint with Medicaid, call in the Board of Health, call the local news channel !! Demand a new room for your Mom, and write up a formal letter as her POA, barring this man from entering your Mom's room. He now constitutes a health hazard to her as well. Maybe call the police and get a restraining order against the man. I wouldn't hold back from throwing the book at this place. Hope you can get her out of there very soon.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
What is so flooring to me is.. Staff dosen't think its a big deal? Why not? They are just like.. well.. he wanders and they all go in others rooms and that's just the way it is.. and Mom tells the staff to get out-- when they try to interfere with having him leave her room- and they are not supposed to 'violate' her wishes or privacy-- What? My Mom dosent go in others rooms.. yes.. she is a little more high functioning.. But she dosent tolerate room mates-- she tries to kick them out .. she is territorial about her room.. locks the door constantly - that's why this is so (unlike her).. and its really because.. of long periods of time where there is No activity for her-- and shes not taken down stairs-- and too much idle time.. the staff isn't communicating to her.. or supervising.. I think the residents may be hungry-- and most definitely bored! Yes.. this is a health hazard!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
They had to move her to a private room last month- due to a failed attempt at moving a room mate into her old semi private -- Mom pushed her out and locked the door- she thinks the person is lost and invading her room.. Staff apparently not able to handle it.. so they just moved mom to private.. But Admin said last week- he has people asking about private-- and since Medicaid dosent compensate for private rooms- she will have to eventually have to have a roommate and move out .. of the private. Its so crazy-- and yes.. Mom dosent make it any easier with her fears! :-(
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Take photos of mess on your cell phone, document everything, include as part of your complaint. Write a journal of your mom's stay. When requesting for help on anything, write down their names as you log each entry. Keep the journal simple but descriptive. No emotional info as much as possible. Date time, whom you spoke to and the results. Download photo from cell phone to your computer or "cloud" and document. Down the future, if your mom catches CDIF, you have proof of unsanitery and what you did to correct the problem and how NH did Nothing. Document, document, document.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
I take it this man is private pay so even though they can't handle him, he is higher on the totem pole. That is so unacceptable. If that happened to my mother after I have already met with administation, my hair would be on fire. How can they leave a mess like like for over 3 hours!! Disgusting! They have a serious problem with the staff. Things like that (accidents) do happen unfortunately, but they should be addressed immediately. And, they are still not following the plan the director agreed to. It's time to escalate it further. Hang in there.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
It's 3:30pm.. Sent Admin email detailing the events.. no call return email or contact made by him.. I checked w/ desk and the floors were cleaned according to her.. Nurse Admin, knew nothing- No Communication in that place.. Spoke to Umbudsman & Licensing.. Umbudsman calling Admin today- and Licensing took all data, names, dates- the facility is on 6 mos Provisional License- so.. they are being watched closely.. Sigh.. trying not to freak out.. No place else for Mom to go.. All the (Self Pays) are playing hard ball
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
OK - that's it - I've had it!! Time to call in the troops. I say we gang up on them and get something done now!! When is the next plane to VA? Who's with me???
Geesh, Helen - I don't know how you are standing up under this nightmare! Really wish we could come and help you out! Hope this bit of levity at least makes you smile.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
They want u to do their job. You're going to have to do what I've read other posters had to do. You will need to go there daily and supervise, clean after her, etc. I wished that you had taken some photos of the mess and of that man being undressed. Do you have a strong male friend? I noticed that mechanics, waitress, stewardess, etc.. seem to pay more attention them than us females.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
I go there every other day.. Its a 40 mile round trip for me.. since April-- its taking a toll on my older vehicle cost me over $1700 in repairs and gas expense is horrible.. But what can I do-- Its my Mom.. I shudder when I think about all those other elders with no family to look out for them as I do for my Mom.. Yes, I wish I had taken pics and had a staff person come look before I began cleaning.. Its just so automatic.. The Nurse + Daughter kicked in..Just clean this up quick! I need to focus on a paper trail now.. making one!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
1 2
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

Recent Questions


Popular Questions


Related Questions

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter