She wants to go home took her home and couldn't handly her. she fell and broke her hip. She was sent to rehab but it didn't help. Her grandson took most of her money and I am trying to get her help so she can stay at the home. I am an only child my brother passed away about 11 years age and he had to children that has drained my mama account dry. Trying to get VA assist because her second husband was in world war ll. I just need someone to talk to I have no one. so if you could find me a support group would be so thankful
Does the assisted living facility have a social worker on staff? Or one that comes in occcasionally? I think that's what you need. If it were me (and I'm not an expert on this), I would call my county senior services office, tell them mom's money is running out, that she's in assisted living and can't afford it much longer, AND!!! that I can't take care of her at home because of serious on-going health issues. They'll point you in the right direction lickety-split.
Good luck.
You are a good person and it is okay that she gets the skilled care she needs, care skills you may not have to meet her needs. It's okay.
It's hard when she takes her frustrations out on you and wants you to care for her at home, don't take it personally --they always lash out at the ones they are closest to because they can. They hate loss of control over their life and aches and pains and having to depend on others. Take it one day at a time.
And I think that's the point, isn't it. You're desperately worried about your mother, and you want to help her, but what can you do? And then there's another question: why should you do anything?
This is an exercise in focusing on where to go from here. Imagine that you didn't exist. What would happen to your mother? Well, what would happen is that teams of paid professionals would see to it that she was housed safely and in reasonable comfort, and that whatever assets and/or income she has are used to pay for her care. That's not so bad, is it?
Now then. Because you are there, you are trying to *do* things for her. This could be where you're going wrong, you know. Because if she favoured your brother and his family over you all his life, to the extent that her grandchildren asset-stripped her; and since she remarried and thereby attached herself to a different family; then these things speak powerfully for her belief that she didn't need you. Which is hurtful, but is also an important factor that you need to take into account.
No one, not even your mother, can serially reject a person and then expect that person to devote her waking hours to her care. You involve yourself with your mother because you love her, not because she needs you. You are therefore free to start marking out those all-important boundaries. Go to see her when it suits you, and not if it doesn't. If she is disagreeable, leave: you ought not to tolerate abuse or rudeness from her any more than you would from anyone else. Put your own family and yourself first, because they do need you and they need you to be well. These are initial thoughts - to sum up, worry less about your mother who has spent her life not needing you, and more about your family who love you and do need you.
Rereading quickly, I realise that what I've said will sound harsh, glib or both. Let me start again with a big hug. It is very hard not to feel love and acceptance from one's mother. Rereading what you've posted, I'm very sad to think how you must feel. But there, the fault is hers. It is Not Your Fault that your family dynamics fell out as they did. And actually, it isn't necessarily your mother's fault, either - this is a matter of understanding, not blaming. The important thing to grasp is that her feelings are what they are, and you can do nothing to make a change happen. Her feelings might change, but it won't be because you find the "right" answers or do the "right" things. I'm afraid that you are trying so hard because you're falling into that trap of believing that if only you can get this right your mother will become the mother you would love her to be. It doesn't work like that. Instead, accept that you do love her, whatever she thinks or says or does, and express that in ways that you can fit easily into your real life, with your own family. God bless you. Big hug.
Another way to have somebody to talk to is the see a counselor for a few sessions. This seems appropriate in light of what has apparently been a somewhat dysfunctional family situation for you.
And, of course, come and talk to us as often as you want.