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Dad is bed bound now, has a feeding tube, a suprapubic cathetar, and a colostomy. my daughter and her family are in the process of moving out, so it will just be me and ma and my 19 year old son. I know ma is not ready for dad to go into a nursing home, but when i have to change him, or change his bandages.... it is getting more difficult. I have two knees that are artificial, everytime i go to pull him up so he doesn't aspirate, i feel something pulling in my left knee, and my left shoulder....seriously, past the point of being "burned out" how do i convince her I need help, pysically..........Laura

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From what you wrote Laura you're already at that point, I think... The other alternative would be to have a nurse or health care aide come in to help. It sounds like too much to do on your own now.
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Your mother may not be convinced or convincable, but you are past the point of needing to convince, both for your father's sake and for your own. Just respectfully but plainly lay out the facts and do it. It might be helpful if her or his doctor would tell her that it is time, but you need to speak up for yourself as well.
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your father needs advance medical supervision and he will be better in a nursing home to make sure he gets enough intensive care, the right medication at the right time and they have complete amenities and staff to attend to your dad's need. If you wait long enough, you might end up needing care too if you injure yourself in the process of providing care to your dad. A helpful tip posted in infolongtermcare about long term care, you can talk to some people that your mom trust so they can help you convince her. It may be a family physician that your mom knows or a social worker. Don't let it take toll on your physical and personal life.
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Act sooner rather than later, Laura. Leave it too long and you'll injure yourself - then what happens to Dad? I don't know how aware of your joint problems your mother is? I'm not being flippant - you could draw her a diagram and show her how, honestly now, it's physically impossible for you to handle your father safely. It's his safety as well as yours and your whole family's, after all, that we're talking about. Pipruby's advice sounds like a great place to start. Best of luck.
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Talk to the doctor, see if there is a way to get in-home care with his insurance. Someone could come during the day to tend to him. Maybe they would pay for a medical bed rental so the bed lifts him not you.
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