I cared for my parents until they passed. What do I do to make sure I do NOT put my kids through that?

I agree with you 100% Sunflower. I think I commented on here one time, a person's brain can be mush, they don't remember their family, they can't speak or eat on their own but make sure they take their blood pressure pill! That's a cynical way of looking at things, I know this, but it comes from experience.

My great-grandfather lived with my grandma and my grandma told my mom that she would never put my mom in that position. Of course then my mom ended up caring for my grandmother (I helped some but I was young) and my mother vowed that I would never be put in that position. We all know what happened. I cared for my mom briefly before she died but moved my dad in with me for over 5 years until he went to a NH.

I've told my 20 year old daughter that if I ever get diagnosed with Alzheimer's I will commit suicide 1 year after the diagnosis. That will give me time to get my affairs (such as they are) in order and to say goodbye to people before I am unable to make any decisions on my own. However, what if I were felled by a stroke? Heart attack? Congestive heart failure? I am all alone. I have a brother who has his own family to care for. I have no contingency plan if I were to have a stroke or become physical disabled for any other reason. But I've told and told and told my daughter that she should never ever feel guilty for putting me in a nursing home, that I will not have her give up her life to care for me. She saw what I went through with my mom and dad but she doesn't take me seriously (after all, she's only 20). And I keep thinking I need to put all of this on paper but I put it off......But it's always in the back of my mind.

Make a Living Will. It isn't everything, but nothing is guaranteed. When you get to a certain age, or stage, decide if you want to keep getting screenings, based on what you think you would want to do if there were bad news. Power of Attorney, if there is anyone you trust that much. That made things so much easier for me with my mom.

Good question Sunflowerpower. You can speak with your children about your view. You can select a health care proxy that will follow your wishes. You can be specific about what you do and don't want done. You can give your family 'permission' to place you in a facility when the time is right. That will allow them to be loving family members rather than care givers.