Am I doing the wrong thing when I make my Mom get out of bed and eat when she does not want to?

One day my mom wouldn't get up for breakfast. I'll never know what caused her sudden decline; the ER doc's diagnosis was that "sometimes they just get tired". I do know that if I had left her alone, or if I had placed her in a nursing home at that time, she would not be here any more. Strangely, she has never expressed a desire to die, she just seemed to have lost the will to keep trying. Some days I wonder if I did her any favours by saving her from herself :(

The nurse in the hospital told me to always make sure my cousin was sitting upright when eating and that she stayed upright for at least 30 minutes after eating. He said that was important.

I can't comment on someone who broke their hip. I'm not sure what activity is safe, but I would assume her doctor would know. If she's not on hospice, I would imagine that some movement would help with her circulation and digestion. And don't they move her about to prevent bed sores?

Many dementia patients may say they don't want to eat, but if they can swallow, they often will eat soft food if it is presented to them. If the staff don't present them with soft food, then she is not likely to ask for it. With dementia patients you have to ask nicely over and over. They forget their answers and can change the answer over the course of minutes.

In my opinion depending on the age of ones parents, if they are over 75 years old they deserve a right to be like a teenager again and stay in bed until noon.

There is nothing wrong with staying in bed a little longer in the morning or laying down or napping during the day. Each person and situation is different. If your mom has dementia then she may not know when she is hungry and without good nutrition she will decline. Make sure you make foods she enjoys and is easy for her to eat. In a nursing home, staff cannot force a resident to do something they don't want to, but at home you can get away with more. That said, away with more doesn't mean abusing or neglecting. You do the best you can, you are doing what you can to take care of her. If you find it overwhelming, contact your local Area Agency on Aging or Bureau of Senior Services for information on the various programs they offer. Also, if you have a local adult medical day care service, your mom may enjoy attending and this would give her something to look forward to. Make sure she visits her physician on a regular basis and keep track of dr. appts, meds, surgeries etc in a notebook. I hope this info help. It is not an easy task to care for someone else. I'm a caregiver so I understand. You are doing what you can and you deserve a big 'good job' for not every child wants or will care for an aging parent.

What are the consequences of not eating at the time you deem it is correct for her to eat? Does she lose weight? Suffer from malnutrition? By making her do something she does not want to do, what are you protecting her from?

Absolutely not! No matter if she is in a nursing home or someplace else, she needs to get out of bed. Not only to help prevent bedsores, but help prevent atrophy of the muscles in her legs. If she is able to walk, or walk with aid, then that would help improve her emotional well being as well. Being around others is important so they can socialize, even if they do not want to. Be gentle on yourself and do the best you can.

Could you provide some additional details? How old is Mom? Does she have impairments in addition to dementia? Do you mean that some days she would sleep until noon if you let her, or that she wouldn't get out of bed all day? Once she is up, what are her activities for the day?

One answer does not fit all situations. A little more information would help.