What can I do to make my Aunt not be so lazy? - AgingCare.com

What can I do to make my Aunt not be so lazy?

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She wants to sit on the couch all day. She does PT three days a week for 30 minutes and does great, but at home she wants me to do everything for her. She will sit on the couch until she can't make it to the bathroom and then has to be cleaned up. I encourage and suggest bathroom trips and she declines and then when she doesn't make it she gets emotional and acts like it is my fault. I have even tried getting her to sit closer to the bathroom so she doesn't have so far to go.

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Vision is her worst enemy along with the fact that she is extremely lazy. She never hesitates when it comes to meal time to get up and move. That is one of the ways that I know that it is the laziness over the vision issue. I had been maintaining her weight but now she is starting to gain. She is bored and wants to continue eating and it has been a life long issue for her. Thanks for the idea of large print books...that may be an entertainment she would enjoy.
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This has nothing to do with her bathroom issues. Is her vision bad enough to qualify as low vision or legally blind? Your state probably has a Department for the blind. My mom gets books on tape (actually digital on a flash drive now) from the Iowa Department for the blind. She enjoys listening to most of the books, some are duds - its hard to tell from the titles sometimes.
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TammyK, don't present it as an option, just start saying, "OK, now we're going to make a visit to the restroom." Take her arm and escort her. Even if she says, "I don't have to go", say lovingly, "Well let's just try and then I'll leave you alone." Don't let her decide, or she won't want to get up and go and you're right back where you started. She's probably lost the ability to tell when she has to go until it's too late. So you have to assume the responsibility to see that she gets there in time. It's a hard transition, but you're now the 'parent' and she's the one that needs to be parented in a loving, kind way.

If she has low vision, is she interested in reading? Your local library should have large print books or even devices so she could read (if she likes that).
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She is wearing briefs and she does not really watch tv all day, she goes to outpatient therapy and has limited use of her left side and very very bad vision, but she has always told me when she had to go to the restroom until lately. I thought maybe I was pushing her to hard, but she claims she wants to be independent. I am going to mention a schedule and see what response I get from her. Thank you so much for your words as I become so frustrated at times I could cry.
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sonswife's post gave me an idea. The blame can be placed on changes in her body, from the stoke, such that she doesn't feel an urge soon enough to get to the bathroom. Therefore you are going to help her so that she doesn't have to rely on an urge and can avoid the distressing accidents.

This lack of adequate notice from the body does in fact happen to people -- I don't know if can be caused by strokes and I sure don't know if that is your aunt's problem. (I kind of doubt it.) But blaming that would be a nice face-saving way to allow her to accept the need for scheduled bathroom trips!
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Gee, I'm 63 and can't imagine what's going on with your aunt. Does she have the start of dementia? You mention stroke, how much has that affected her movement?

If she refuses to get to the bathroom on time, put her in pull-ups for adults. I'd also get her going to the bathroom on a regular basis, every two or three hours. If she says no, go over and take her arm and escort her to the bathroom. No choice for her. If you've got to clean her up, then you get to call the shots on her behavior in my book. And try to figure out when she has issues (like two hours after drinking or eating) and escort her to the bathroom shortly before that time.

As for not wanting to do anything, if she doesn't have cognitive issues occurring, just quit doing stuff for her that she can do for herself. Maybe she needs to be around other people in a facility, if she's lonely or depressed. She's still too young to be vegetating unless she's got brain issues starting.
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Has she always behaved in a dependent manner or is this new behavior? Is she depressed?

You have a small child in your photo, would you allow a toilet trained child to soil herself? If I were in your shoes, I'd be starting a bathroom schedule, every two or three hours whether she feels like she needs to go or not. Relying on her knowing when she needs to go isn't working so well. Sounds like encouraging and suggesting she go is resulting in a lot of work for you. She may not be happy with a schedule but right now she's upset when she doesn't make it to the BR. She can blame you for the schedule, instead of the accidents.
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Whether or not it is laziness is probably not the issue. She has a behavior that is causing both of you a problem.

Maybe you need to ramp up your "encouragement" of the bathroom trips. Maybe they need to become a requirement. Every two hours you help her to the bathroom. If she doesn't have to go, fine, but she has to sit on the toilet. Present this to her as a favor to her. You are willing to keep track of the time and help her to the bathroom in order to avoid that emotional distress of being wet. It is not a punishment -- it is a benefit!

Does she watch television all day? Set your timings between shows.

I hope she is wearing disposable undies!
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