I have noticed that the majority of the questions focus on caring for a parent. Is no one caring for a spouse? - AgingCare.com

I have noticed that the majority of the questions focus on caring for a parent. Is no one caring for a spouse?

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My husband has dementia and Parkinson's and I am his caregiver. He is just about total care. I am grateful that he can still walk. Maybe I am in wrong support group. Reading some of the questions I do encounter same problems, but it is harder because it is my husband. He is 70 years old and I am 68. It is great being retired. Ha

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Yes Hanginnthere the bottom line when logic and personal feelings seem to fail is prayer. There is a famous country song titled 'Jesus Take the Wheel.' When my wife's condition paints me into a corner and I'm at my wits end I sometimes think it would be best if I just dropped dead. Then the house would sell and she'd get put into assisted care and I'd be at peace. It's then that if I can manage it I ask God to take over. I say the Lord's Prayer a few times and frequently peace descends over me like the early morning dew. I can't always do it, but when I can it's a real blessing. It's like I become part of something bigger than myself.
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Hi Litvak--you nailed it on the head with some of the feelings we have in taking care of our spouses. As with you I have to do just about everything
for my husband. It is very taxing some days well to be truthful most days.
I feel so sorry for him and when I think of all the plans we made for retirement I feel sorry for me. Oh well as you say I do try to find something
joyful in the day.We just have to hang in there don't we? And pray alot!
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Hi Hanginnthere, I'm 67 and do 24/7 home care for my 64 year old wife who had a stroke, heart attack, and kidney failure two years ago simultaneous with my retirement. She is wheelchair bound and requires assistance for transfers, bathing, food prep, etc.. Insurance pays for her medical care, but not in home care or assisted care living. When I was in my 50's I took care of my 90 year old father for 5 years until he passed away at 95. He had vascular dementia and congenital heart failure. From my perspective, taking care of a spouse is much more taxing than taking care of a parent for a variety of reasons. When a spouse is cranky and complains about you or your actions it cuts you deeper because you've typically been in a closer relationship with them than with your parents. Their life expectancy is much longer than a parent - your responsibility to care for them is going to be many times longer what it would be caring for an elderly parent. You're going to feel more shame and guilt any time you loose your cool or have selfish thoughts (like wishing they would pass) precisely because they are your spouse and in your marriage vows you promised to care for them 'in sickness and in health.' You're going to have to deal with the 'why me' syndrome every time your retired friends tell you about their latest cruise, vacation, or golf outing. My advice is to live up to your login name 'Hanginnthere.' I try to live each day free of all the history that led up to that day and find something positive about that day. Often it's something small, like how pretty the sky is or how cute the dog looks, or a new Netflix video. I also often think back on the lifetime that my wife and I spent together - happier times; it can offset some of the negative thoughts.
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hanginnthere, this website has some professional bloggers and one is
Marlis Powers who is taking care of her husband. To read articles written by Marlis https://www.agingcare.com/Expert/Marlis-Powers ;   

Be sure to scroll down past the advertisements to be able to read the whole article.   And read the "comments" written by other caregivers.  "Comments" link to the left of the title of the article.
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Many folks on here are taking care of spouses, so hang in there..LOL I think it is just that parents outnumber the spouse at our ages...
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