Have you made provisions about where you go or what you do when you become elderly and need assistance?

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When I was very young, my mom began helping caregive for my grandmother. As years passed and she got sicker, she stayed with us more and more. It was very stressful on me growing up (I had 3 ulcers by the time I was 21) and it was hard on my parents and their health. I told my grandparents once that they were taking my mom from me because she was so sick and I felt it was in part to caregiving and the stress on her body.
Fast foward a couple of decades and my husband is going through a caregiving situation with his dad. This was a man who did manual labor, was independant but I told my husband: here are the signs to looks for and here is what you are facing. It has all unfolded like I told him it would. I learned from past experience what it takes to caregive and what it does to a family and rarely it is positive. My husband has opted for a nursing home for his dad. There will be no inheritance and that is fine. My FIL worked the house and income out and the money might as well take care of him in his old age. It is also safer and less stressful for our family.
I think I am one of the younger posters on here (43) but I wanted to ask: have you thought about where you will go or what you will do when you are in your parents or in-law's situation? My daughter is only 8 but I have actually sat many envenings and thought to myself, "how could I love this child so much and then ask her to give up life as she knows it, time with her children, possibly her job and take care of me?"
I read so many times about how parents took care of you when you were young and how you owe them but I would honestly hate to think that everything I am doing for my daughter now that I am setting up some kind of emotional bank account to call in the loan later. I mean there is honestly all the difference in the world between being in your 20's or 30's and taking care of a toddler who weighs a few pounds and being in your 50's or 60's and taking care of an often 200 pound adult who is strong enough to do some real damge with a hit or throwing a chair or in some cases getting hold of a firearm.
I have told my family that I am fine with a nursing home. I don't see myself as too good to go to one and if I end up on the Medicaid side, then that is the card I am dealt. I just can't stand the thought of my daughter pulling me, lifing me, rupturing herself (like my mom did) and ending up resenting me and having horrible memories replace the good ones.
Your thoughts/plans?

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Please, ladies, chill!!!!

No one who can report back to us will ever have an answer either way.
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Carol, please. I am not dueling with you nor do I place my beliefs above anyone's. I am sorry you took it this way. Peace:)
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Wow...terminal backhanded slap. Really? Without asking, you presume to know, judge, my metaphysical beliefs. Each persons experiences are unique to him or her and inform the basis of one's philosophy. No one's is above or beneath anyone else's. Attempting to relegate someone to a lower rung than yourself is just your opinion after all...hearts
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Let's get a big house by the ocean and fill it with old ladies. Get a couple of younger men as "aides." Tell the kids not to bother us, but we'll visit for Christmas and our birthdays so we get presents. Heehee:) Have a big bonfire every night and make some-mores. If one of us transcends to next stage, just throw us on the fire. We'll save on wood and other ridiculous expenses. Surf's Up! WhooHoo ! xo
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My husband and I have planned and discussed everything possible. We have money but it won't be enough if we live 30 more years. Our kids are from our previous marriages. My kids are aware of caregiving nightmares having worked as a team with me to help my mom. They helped when they could with my dad who had Alz and my grandma. They have strict instructions to never bring me in their homes. They deserve a life and I wouldn't want to take that from them. They owe me nothing, nada, zilch. My husband's sons are a different story. They wouldn't even help their dad when he broke his ankle, I know they will be MIA if it gets serious.
I'm a realist. Life and death happens. I'm not afraid to die. I enjoy each day as much as i can and take things as they come. I don't think I have the right to expect more, IMHO.
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There is hospice to keep the dying comfortable. This is not personal, nor is it about anyone's opinion, but life is more than the condition of the physical body. I'm not arguing with you, just stating a broader concept of life. I have experienced suicide in my family and with friends. I'm familiar with the act. If you don't believe that there is another aspect of life than the physical, then you should do whatever you want. Happy Landing:) xo
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Yes Christina, there IS always that, but THAT is the point: what's on YOUR mind about crossing over may not be on MY mind. In our society, this is mostly a taboo topic that SHOULD be part of ethical and mindful education. What l believe and want for myself should neither be forced upon you nor should you be able to prevent me and vice versa. It should be about CHOICE. And then there are those we must make decisions for. I am a believer that l must move my ego out of the way and do for them what they'd have done for themselves, if they could have. It surely helps ti know their desires ahead of time so we can carry out those choices with respect to their dignity and quality of life.
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Hmmm.. It would be in my mind "what if" something happens tomorrow that will change my life? Something I would not want to miss, part of the plan that completes my purpose while on the planet...just playing Angel's advocate:) xo
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Make plans...
Washington state...
Oregon...
Assisted suicide legal
IF you want it, it should be
I only advocate it for anothers if they wanted it when competent.
Why treat our dogs, cats & horses better than persons sick & in pain?
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I think about this almost everyday. I'm 44 and cared for my dad in my home for 5 years until he went into a nursing home for 6 months. He died a month ago. And while I loved my dad very much the stress and strain of being his caregiver/advocate/companion made me want to NEVER EVER put my daughter in that spot. My mom had a huge hand in caring for her mom and I saw what that did to her and my mom and dad vowed that that would never happen to me but it did. So now I swear to my daughter that it will never happen to her. She'll never be my caregiver. If I have to commit suicide in 30 years to prevent it that's what I'll do. I don't have a dime to stash away for my future and that worries me everyday too. I think it's because my dad died not so long ago that I have such morbid thoughts right now. Picturing myself in a nursing home, alone, wanting to be with my family, etc.

This is a good topic.
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