When I was very young, my mom began helping caregive for my grandmother. As years passed and she got sicker, she stayed with us more and more. It was very stressful on me growing up (I had 3 ulcers by the time I was 21) and it was hard on my parents and their health. I told my grandparents once that they were taking my mom from me because she was so sick and I felt it was in part to caregiving and the stress on her body.
Fast foward a couple of decades and my husband is going through a caregiving situation with his dad. This was a man who did manual labor, was independant but I told my husband: here are the signs to looks for and here is what you are facing. It has all unfolded like I told him it would. I learned from past experience what it takes to caregive and what it does to a family and rarely it is positive. My husband has opted for a nursing home for his dad. There will be no inheritance and that is fine. My FIL worked the house and income out and the money might as well take care of him in his old age. It is also safer and less stressful for our family.
I think I am one of the younger posters on here (43) but I wanted to ask: have you thought about where you will go or what you will do when you are in your parents or in-law's situation? My daughter is only 8 but I have actually sat many envenings and thought to myself, "how could I love this child so much and then ask her to give up life as she knows it, time with her children, possibly her job and take care of me?"
I read so many times about how parents took care of you when you were young and how you owe them but I would honestly hate to think that everything I am doing for my daughter now that I am setting up some kind of emotional bank account to call in the loan later. I mean there is honestly all the difference in the world between being in your 20's or 30's and taking care of a toddler who weighs a few pounds and being in your 50's or 60's and taking care of an often 200 pound adult who is strong enough to do some real damge with a hit or throwing a chair or in some cases getting hold of a firearm.
I have told my family that I am fine with a nursing home. I don't see myself as too good to go to one and if I end up on the Medicaid side, then that is the card I am dealt. I just can't stand the thought of my daughter pulling me, lifing me, rupturing herself (like my mom did) and ending up resenting me and having horrible memories replace the good ones.