This is a situation that has worried me about my mom. My grandmother always tells my mom she doesn't want to go into a nursing home. She won't even consider the option of my mom's brother and his wife taking her (his older kids have indicated it is depressing) and I think she feels her DIL won't be too welcoming and I feel she stays with my mom when honestly she could go back home to her husband (has arthritis but could help) and give mom a break.
My mom lets her play with her emotions and has problems with anemia and is severally visually impaired and has some back and renal problems. When mom started helping my grandmother, she was not this sick but she is getting older and this has been going on off and on for years. My grandmother does have signficant health problems and has to recover after sugeries but I feel she should also see the shape my mom is in.
My mom was a stay at home mom and dad works, so she doesn't have a job to worry about (outside the home -- to be honest, she would probably work less if she had a job). I just feel she is emotionally, physically and mentally drained and I don't think anyone else in the family really gives a da&*.
I feel that my grandparents are shelfish and as long as their needs are met, then so be it.
I just cannot see how any parent who claims to have an ounce of love for a child can demand they never be put in a nursing home and insist on 24/7 care from ANY child, no longer one that is not in good health. It is NOT like taking care of a baby (yes, I have had said to me that she changed my mom's diapers when mom was 2 and fed her so mom OWES her). There is a huge difference in caregiving for an elderly person than a baby.
My mom needs to keep a happy face because if she is not chipper, grandmother gets ticked feeling she is being treated "injustly."
I have voiced my concern/opinion and needless to say I get nowhere or my mom gets defensive and mad at me saying, "I won't change a thing."
I just don't see how this is love. I hope to heavens, I never "love" my child this way.
Maybe you could start to do the homework for her and go visit some nursing homes in the area and leave the brochures on the kitchen table or counter. Just an idea honey. Stay strong!
xo
-SS