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Yes Oldestof3 You are perfectly correct. Little white lies are the best way of avoiding situations that could become awkward. I too do likewise. I only tell Mother the good news, or exactly what She would like to hear. I avoid telling Mom the negative stuff. For Mom to be diagnosed with Al/s is bad enough, I want to avoid clashing opinions, and enjoy whatever quality time We've got left Together.
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I found an article on this forum from 2010 that said OCD is a symptom of Alzheimer's. I was correct.
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Perhaps OCD goes hand in hand with Alzheimer's? I don't know.
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It took me quite awhile before I felt comfortable with the little white lies because I always wanted to be honest with Mom. Now the little white lies give us both peace...I tell her what she needs/wants to hear and I see her satisfied with the answer. And that makes me feel good. Above all I want her to be safe and secure and as happy as possible.
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Great advice and so true!
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Nobody else has mentioned this yet but little white lies work. Tell loved one that he/she purchased one the last time in the store. Or put it in the buggy and remove it when their attention is elsewhere. If they notice, tell him he changed his mind. He remembered he didn't like it when he bought it the last time. Make it his idea and tell him what a good idea it was to have changed his mind. I know in some stages their awareness is greater than it is as the disease progresses. Don't know where your loved one is now so this may not work yet. Just know the little white lies gives them peace and makes them feel they still have some "power". Whatever it takes to keep them safe, cared for and at peace is worth doing. As for me, the caregiver, I just keep putting one foot in front of the other looking for the peace that I am doing the right thing. I know I am...just doesn't always feel that way. But my Aunt is OK for now and I am getting there so I must be doing something right!
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She does understand how dementia works it's just that he is always upset with her and it wears on her. She can't possibly Satisfy these things so it's an ongoing cycle. I know she's doing te right thing aand so does she. I guess it's just hard to go from being a wife to being a caregiver. Guilt has to be a part of that to some degree when you have to parent your husband. It's all fairly new so I'm sure she will grow and learn. I try to tell her to just give it to him straigjt and tell
Him that's how it has to be but easier said then done 😊Fortunately my dad does not have access to the money. I guess it's just nice to know we aren't alone.
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This is difficult to deal with, especially if they go ahead and buy it. Explain firmly that a new item is not needed. This does not get better, but the focus cancshange, The memory will be come worse, and your loved one may forget to want newer things, and may forget to be angry. Pray for this option!
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Dbalisch, Does your mom understand how dementia works? Maybe, if she read some articles about it, she might realize that it's the disease that causes the bizarre behavior, poor judgment, etc. It's up to us to help protect them from their behavior. We shouldn't feel guilty. We are doing the right thing. When we do the right thing, we should have peace with it.
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My dad always wants to buy expensive things. The problem is he has a hard time using things like the computer so he figures he needs a different kne that's easier. Or he wants a new guitar because he got it in his head that his (perfectly good one) doesn't work well. But they can't be a cheap version it has to be the top quality. He always guilts my mom every time she buys stuff saying you always say no to me but then you buy other things. The point is a new one won't fix the problem, the problem is his ability to use them but he can't see that. He also researched things like crazy to find then best one possible. My mom needs to buy anew car but to involve him would madness. Now she feels guilty about going behind his back but he will end up researching it like crazy and driving her nuts. He will also make her feel so bad after she gets it because he wants things. It's like a regression to childlike self centered ways. So hard to know what to do.
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Yes, it's common. My cousin would order 50 air freshners at once, for no real reason. She would buy 3 containers, when she needed one. It was frustrating, but she was so stubborn. There wasn't much I could do.

Later on she became quarrelsome, confused, etc. Depending on the stage of dementia, it really is no reason to discuss it with them or convince them to change. They aren't going to get the problem or stop doing it. I'd just limit their access to funds and keep them happy as possible. If they are mobile, they could go to the Dollar Tree store with $10.00. That might entertain them without too much cost.
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My dad is a bit different, he doesn't want to replace things he has but does want to buy things he doesn't need and is a bit of a hoarder. He's always been like that but now I figure it's worse because he's trying to fill the space left by the loss of so many things (independence, my Mom, the apartment he lived in for so many years). The only thing I can think of is to try to find other ways to fill the space--fun activities, things he can enjoy like nice drives, writing exercises, arts and crafts, etc. Hasn't worked for my dad but maybe you can find something that will help your loved one.
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My husband does this every time we are in a store of any kind. He will look at something that we have at home and say I like this, we should buy it. I will then say but we have one at home. He will then reply but we need a new one.. If I then say we don't need another one, he will shrug his shoulders and put on a very angry face and walk away until he sees another thing that he likes. This has been going on for about 4 months now, I don't know what causes it. The result is he is then mad at me. He is mad at me almost all the time any more anyway. If I say anything that differs from what he is saying I am wrong and he is right. He acts like why would I question what he says. He will say don;t say that is wrong "I know what I am talking about and don't say I don't" Then he will be angry and sulk for the rest of the day.
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