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Mom is in a private pay shared room at a memory care facility (not a snf), and her roommate who is bedridden is now on hospice and oxygen - it appears she doesn't have much time left but I'm concerned about what effect her passing will have on my mom who is 93 and really doesn't grasp that she's in a facility and has a roommate I have private caregivers overnight and 4 hours a day with mom - the facility asked me to sign a waiver when they put her roomie on hospice last weekend but they didn't answer my questions and I gave not signed yet - I have not seen anyone visit her - has anyone experienced a loved room sharing space with a dying resident? This is not a nursing facility

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Same time next year, MsMadge.
How are things today?
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Was a visitor in an acute care hospital. You shoulda seen the slow response to "code stroke", this was killing me to watch...then, a nurse arriving as the patient was being transferred, actually said: "Is that the stroke?"
No, no, no! Not even, is that the stroke patient? (just as bad), OR "Is that the patient with a stroke?"

Nurses are trained NOT to speak of patients as their illness, i.e., "the stroke".

No excuses techs and nurses-no excuses!
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Hi Send
Yes crazy So Cal weather - 74 one day and 94 the next

The a/c still isn't fixed and it's been a weird week with the dining room closed for the faux wood installation - I understand they're having a staff appreciate party on this Saturday - wonder who will be taking care of the residents ??

Luckily I had some nystatin powder and that seems to be clearing up her rash - she's not scratching as much 😀
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Checking back Ms. Madge,
Any improvement with the rash? The heat looks like it's going to amp up, and you said there was rain in the past few days. I didn't get any, but heard there were spots of rain.
It bothers me that this rash happened when the equipment for the roomate caused the room to be sweltering. Unconscionable.
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Thank you everyone for sharing

Much to my surprise mom is noticing the empty bed and asked me tonight where her roommate was although I couldn't quite tell if she was upset or just observant so I just said she'll be back - now my thoughts are worrying about who the next roomie will be -

It was a bit annoying that last night I had to carry some of the equipment down the hall to the nurses station as I didn't want mom falling on any if it or picking up mouth swabs out of a water of glass etc I also had to ask them to remove the dirty linens

I have some leftover medicated powder so if mom's rash doesn't start to get better in a couple of days I guess we'll be going to her dermatologist
I will raise the a/c issue again tomorrow - this is a brand new building and the cheap unit hasn't work right since mom moved in
During the summer months they had to bring portable units in for some rooms
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Ohhh Madge.....such a very sorry story all around: your poor Mom, Mom's poor roommate, you, your friend.....

Hopefully, your Mom was "oblivious" to what occurred and not affected....BUT, the poor roommate.....no visitors.....all alone.....at least it sounds relatively quick BUT no excuse to the facility re: the very final honor of privacy in your last moments.....

Agreed re: Seeking out Ombudsman or other on this situation as well as heating/cooling problems.....are you kidding me??!!....And you are private pay?....

God knows your plate is full.....and you spend so much time w/your Mom while still juggling work responsibilities.....

Heart out to you, dear....
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Ms. Madge,
Sorry your Mom's roomie has passed.

There are some serious infractions still to be dealt with.
NO A/C can make someone ill in this So. Calif. heat-the weather keeps changing, so ask to have her transferred to another room. Enlist the help of her doctors, and try to get a dermatologist to visit.
Tell them you have a friend coming to that party who has a lot to say about their treatment of residents there.
I agree with other posters about contacting the Ombudsman/Patient's rights advocate.
If you were just renting an apartment with A/C, how many days would you tolerate it being broken?
Tell your friend, I love that she was there during this difficult time for your Mom.
Just timely, just in time. But also very sad.

This question/thread you posted is going to help a lot of people in similar circumstances. How best can we help you? Do you need help speaking up to the admin of memory care?
Maybe you want to write a letter?
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I felt sorry for my Mom's roommate when my Mom was on Hospice care at long-term-care as the roommate had to hear and/or witness what was going on during the final two weeks, and then the day my Mom had passed in the wee hours of the morning [I was with my Mom when this happened]. Hopefully the roommate was back to sleep when the funeral home came.

Even though my Mom couldn't communicate with her roommate due to her own deafness and very poor eyesight at 98. The roommate, who was bedridden yet was a much younger woman, keep an eye out for my Mom, and would notify the nurse any time my Mom fell out of bed, etc. [my Mom was in last stage of dementia that she didn't know she could no longer walk much less stand].

I think there are so many different facilities, some with all private rooms, some with all shared rooms, and some inbetween, depending on the cost. My Mom could have had a private room at a slightly higher cost. Mom never wanted to be in a room all by herself. She felt more secure knowing someone was there, even though she didn't really know who it was.
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My friend is having lunch with mom and took her to her room to tinkle and nap - roomie just passed away
God rest her soul
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MsMadge - over the summer my moms place did a complete kitchen overhaul- which would benefit the residents. But during the construction all the meals were brought in and the residents ate off paper plates and used plastic utensils. Can you imagine? Old, shaking, arthritic hands trying to cut, pierce and scoop with plastic knives and forks? My mom was barely eating at that point - but seriously?
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They read me the waiver over the phone - it basically said I was agreeing that with hospice - nurses and aides could have access to the room at all times

A few months ago they did place a dying woman in an empty room so her daughters could sit vigil - since mom's roomie doesn't seem to have anyone visiting they probably see no need especially since they only have a couple of empty rooms now

I will need to read the original contract - her breathing became labored last night and they placed an oxygen mask over her mouth - the machine it was hooked up to sounded like a jack hammer - this was at midnight
Thankfully it was only for awhile but there's no way mom could sleep with that - the regular oxygen tank is pretty loud as it is plus it vents heat into the room and with the a/c broken in the room it is like a sauna - mom now has a horrible heat rash under her breasts from sweating

This place is all about show - next week the dining room is closed so they can put faux wood on the ceiling - so now they've cleared the couch and chairs out of the tv room so they'll be a place to eat - how any of this improves the lives of residents is beyond me - they didn't even give mom dinner last night

Today I got a letter that they're having yet another party in early November so the community can see what a wonderful job they're doing - and show off the faux wood ceiling beams no doubt
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Why zyrthr, I'm surprised at your reply!
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gladimhere

If this was not mentioned in the contract/agreement and it was still signed, MsMadge's mom has little choice of who she rooms with.
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Rainmom-

It's called making money. Unless specified in contract/agreement, patients have little choice who they share a room with.

This happened to my mom, She was in a room with a dying lady who was transferred there 2 weeks prior to my mom being admitted there. Even though this lady was sleeping most of the time, the workers there claimed she'd be upset if there was no religious music played. Solution, religious music played several hours a day, with repeats. They only stopped it,when she was very close to death( she had lung cancer). My mom was admitted back to the hospital, before this lady may have passed, so she did not experience her dying at the SNF. Mom did not return to this place, and passed at the hospital.
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Thank you for posting this thread

It happens more than you think, be it SNF, AL, etc. They put patients where there are empty beds, especially in semi-private rooms
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Good Lord! That's certainly a goulish, disrespectful, awkward situation - for both roommates!
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When my dad went on hospice he was moved out of the room he shared with another gentleman and moved into his own room. Not deluxe accommodations but private nonetheless.
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Even the sad, outdated nursing home I toured when mom was awarded a crisis bed there had a separate hospice bed... it was cheerless and looked about the size of a closet but they did have one, though I suppose there could have been difficulties if two people were actively dying at the same time.
I would raise h3ll with admins and DON, and perhaps drop the ombudsman word. Actually maybe just contacting the ombudsman to see where you stand might be a good move.
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Msmadge, what does the waiver say? I would demand the roommate be moved to another room alone somewhere. This is quite odd.
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