Has anyone had a loved one refuse to die because they're afraid to go?
My mom has been ill for three years has had severe uti and a stroke which left her left side paralyzed she is now partially blind and has become bedridden she's on hospice because of chronic uti one every three weeks she goes in the hospital gets the antibiotics get better returns home three weeks has another one so the doctor advised hospice she has another uti and was given oral antibiotics that didn't work she is confused and has hallucination constantly she also is having delirium she is now bedridden and I continent she has to be fed she has been given adivan which calms her but she keeps seeing and talking to her relatives who have passed its so heartbreaking when we see her she's grappling the bed rails and screaming hospice doesn't think she's in pain and when we ask her she says no I think she's afraid to let go has anyone experience this.? Any suggestions have tried a priest but nothing help she continue to suffer
It is his journey and for some reason he has chosen a difficult path. It is not up to me to pave a spiritual journey for him, no matter how much I want that for him.
My own beliefs differ from some: I think he was a terrible husband to all three wives and a mostly absent father to his children....not to mention alcoholism and numerous extramarrital affairs, as well as physically abusive. He has never come to terms with this or ever apologized to his children. He denies all of this.
And someone else is always to blame.
Well, what can you do for someone who lives in fear and denial; very little. He refuses some of the meds., that would keep him comfortable, another choice.
In the end, none of this really matters. When it's our time to go, we will.
If your Mom is fighting death tooth and nail, don't abandon the possibility that she's saying don't give-up on me, I have more work to do - in spite of how broken her mind and body may be -- don't ever stop believing. Death at this time, may not be the job that the Lord has for your Mom to do right now, in spite of the 10 Signs of Dying Sheets/Brochures that are so readily distributed by healthcare professionals and on the internet. His will for her life, at this time, might be to use her, to perform a miracle in her, for the witness of others to see.
From my experience, when Hospice says your loved one is afraid of letting go, its their way of getting you to let go, to get you to stop taking them to the hospital, to get you to stop running up a hospital bill on someone the medical system has mathematically calculated that the return on investment doesn't make sense any longer to sustain, that the funds would be better appropriated in a younger individual with less cost risks, and they couch this rhetoric under the broad category of dying with dignity. Watch out, many a wolf has been known to hide in sheep's clothing.
Only the Lord can say, Job well done, good and faithful servant, for it is only He that knew us before we were ever born, and the plans that He has for us.
You are a wonderful and loving daughter to have such concern for your Mom.
I remain in prayer for your peace, continued strength, and discernment during this time of turmoil.
A very good message on this subject is by Pastor Jentzen Franklin titled, The King Has One More Move; which you can find on youtube -you'll want to see the video that's 34 mins. as it has a miraculous section at the very end not seen on the shorter versions.
When people attempt or succeed at suicide, their body actually tries to stop them from killing themselves. If it is a gunshot, the hand tries to pull away at the last moment. It is almost impossible to stab oneself, because the hand pulls back at the first pain. (So people have to fall on their knives or swords.) If taking a poison, the body tries to throw it up. Life and death can wage war in the same individual. It is like creating its own purgatory.
Death is personal and final. We say a person is at peace with the idea when the body has worn down to the point where there is no longer conflict. The thinking mind says suffering is too great and the basic mind agrees that engine has too many miles on it and is ready to open the door to the other side. Only a person who is dying can know that time.
I have personally not understood not just seniors but also terminally ill patients who say they do not want to live, attempt suicide and are obviously miserable, yet they will be the first person to say, "call an ambulance, give me my medication" or will accept treatments. It just makes me come to the conclusion that they spoke in anger or outright lied when they made comments that they want to die or not ive that way. The will to live is very strong in many people as has been witness at many times throughout history. I also believe in some cases that holding on is not just facing the reality of heaven/hell/no longer being around and the final act of passing on but also in some stong-willed individuals is it a way to prolong the suffering of those around them.
My Mother is 95 and cannot walk, talk, or move. Her appetite is good and all other vital signs are normal. She said many times throughout her life that she was "not going anywhere." Until she could not express herself, she would react with anger if I had Joyce Meyer on the TV, or told her I was praying for her. One day last year I was taking her for a walk in her wheelchair and I thought she said she didn't want to live like this. I tried to be reassuring without being preachy, but she started yelling Shut Up! Shut Up! over and over. Seriously, it was like a bad broken record. That's when I figured maybe she had not made peace with her mortality yet. Lol.
Sometimes I think the lesson is for others as well, those taking care of the elder, the damaged relationships between other family members, etc.
This life is more complicated than we know, so patience and " what will be, will be" is the attitude I have learned to adopt. Personally, I can't wait to get to Heaven, but I'm not afraid, either:) xo