I'm going through the same thing currently. Mom my treats my so poorly and is so inconsiderate of my feelings. I just continue to remind myself that what I am doing, I am doing for myself as well as for her. I do as much as I can do for her to satisfy my peace of mind. I will never, never please her. I'll never hear from her that she appreciates me in any way shape or form. I remind myself that there will be an end to this situation and that it probably won't be the way I want it to end. But it will all work out as God intends. I have to remember that I am only one person and there are limits to what one person can do without cooperation. Yesterday I had my BP checked and was 140/85 on meds. I have to remember that I am not a young person and I have to take care of me as well. I owe it to myself because there is no one to care for me. Good luck!
Sometimes I think that the reason every new day seems to bring a new need, a new demand, a new errand to run, a new crisis that wasn't there the day before, is that when mom sits in her small apartment, alone with her thoughts, she feels that the only way she can still be vital and a part of this life is if she finds reasons to control something -- anything, by creating imagined emergencies, or crises that she can get people (me) to respond to. Thats the only way to be sure she's not forgotten in the hustle and bustle of life outside of her space. For some reason she doesn't want friends, doesn't want interaction on a positive note -- her life is consumed with thoughts only of herself. So every day, I get the call --" I need my blood pressure monitor. You must have packed it away, find it and bring it to me right away." Next day, "I need a hard wooden chair (even though she has two in her livingroom), go to the storage unit and get me two of my dining room chairs." Next day, "I need this or that new over-the-counter med -- or new prescription, etc." Next day.... you get my drift... It is insanely draining, and weighs on your mind every day that you delay in meeting her latest demand, but its life as you know it. And no sooner do you fulfill one demand when the next one is waiting in the wings. I try to keep in my mind the thought that that may be me someday, alone in that small apartment hoping the world won't forget me, so I will keep doing what I know I need to do, but I will do it on my terms, and according to my own schedule. Its the only control I feel I have over my own sanity sometimes. God bless!
Im in the same boat hun. It wont change. Just realize how good of a person you are for doing this. Pat yourself on the back for what you do. I know its frustrating but I believe when all is said and done, your reward will be plentiful. Good Luck
Since they are never happy-you can not make someone happy if they are detrimed to not be happy. Do what you can and learn to say no when you want to-set boundaries otherwise it will became 24/7 and you will never have a life of your own if there are sibs encourage them to give some time to you parents-they probably could hire someone to do some things for them-it will only get worseas time goes on-you can not change them only yourself so do what you feel comfortable doing and know they will not like but it is what it is.
Never say never.....my mother has been living with us for almost 6 years now and she is mellowing and beginning to appreciate the little things that make me so happy....like a humming bird or when the backyard flowers bloom. SHE ALSO has recently thanked me for getting her a shopping carriage to help her walk every time we go to the store....or offering my arm to help her walk. SHE NEVER has said thank you before. I also agree to set boundaries and try to still do things with your spouse cause misery loves company and I refuse to become miserable JUST because I am doing a good deed and took Mom in. My Father and only sibling are gone and she couldn't make it on her own. I actually feel we are bonding at this stage of our lives .... and it is a good thing that I might have missed had I NOT taken her in. IT IS ALL GOOD ...if you choose to make it be. GOD BLESS ALL CAREGIVERS !
What do you do? Well what I do is just move on to the next project...I have allowed my Mother to get under my skin in the past, but now I know that her anger, frustration, ungratefulness, etc is all due to not being able to do what she used to do without anyone's help. I allow her to do what she wants, and tell her I love her and ask for her opinion on things. I'm sure it makes her feel her opinion is valued, instead of an elderly person that society has deemed incompetent to HAVE an opinion at all. I don't know how I will be if I live to be 94, as your elder has been blessed to live that long, but I'm quite sure I will make sure everyone around me knows I am not worthless.
It seems a little comforting to know we are not alone with our concerns and there are sympathetic ears out there going through it with you. Yes, it crazy that the caregiver is the one who can never seem to do anything good enough, while other uninvolved siblings & family are never in the wrong. Human nature seems so dysfunctional at times. I guess it's up to us to gently remind them "I understand your reasons for not feeling happy, but I'd rather a hug then your tongue, for doing my best each day."
Exhauseted -you are doing what needs to be done not treating every request as an emergency-I would continue to meet her needs in your own way-maybe only 2 or so needs be met in a week-that is the only way she will learn the world does not revolve around her. When I get my Mon's vemon I just do not call her for a while.
It certainly is hard to stay patient with your loved one when they act they way yours does. You just kind of have to accept that is the way they are. Have you discussed or told them how you feel, in a nice way, of course? Sometimes they don't realize how unpleasant their behavior is. An elder person's attitude changes as they realize they can no longer have the life the way it used to be and because they feel they know they are declining. My Mom is mostly pleasant but she drives me nuts asking the same questions like did you lock the door when I just told her I did. She complains about the people and food at her AL facility all the time and I just listen and offer suggestions, which she won't accept. Sometimes I actually yell at her because she is so annoying but she responds by giving a reason for the way she is. I love her dearly even though she is extremely negative, but I try to cherish every moment I have left with her because she is 92.
Golf I am glad you are taking some time for yourself-my brother hardly ever goes to see our Mom and rarly calls her but he drives a distance to see our aunt who is always so glad to see him and has such a positive attitude every other month-our Mom just thinks she is entilted to what she has done for her and is is not easy being around her -I have detached somewhat because of her attitude. Adel I am glad your mother is mellowing and does appreciate what you do for her-that makes it a lot easier for you.
God bless!
Yes, it crazy that the caregiver is the one who can never seem to do anything good enough, while other uninvolved siblings & family are never in the wrong.
Human nature seems so dysfunctional at times. I guess it's up to us to gently remind them "I understand your reasons for not feeling happy, but I'd rather a hug then your tongue, for doing my best each day."
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