What should you do if your loved one is never satisfied, no matter how much you help?

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You help with the bills...
You administer medication...
...loved one is 94...

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debbya never apoligize for venting that is what we do hear. I am going to the second meeting of the caregivers support group today-there are 4 former caregivers who go to it at first the ladies running it did not want us there but I think they realize that we can be helpful.
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195austin~ no my brother is a merchant mariner, my sis lives in an rv with her 6th husband, it just me.. he doesnt realize how much ive done for him over the years, especially this one, he has 65k a year, he grew up in orphanage, and not ready for a home, even tho im ready for him to go.. anywhere..but with me. work is my only escape. and prayer of course..sorry i vented/dumped.. i am very tired. not 20 any more.- lol !
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Debbya I am so sorry for what you are going through-do you have to take whereever you go-does he have funds so you can hire someone to take care of him. How long do you think you will be able to tolarate this behaivor? I think a year of this is a year too much-have you thought of placing him or letting one of the sibs taking him for a period of time?
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my dad is 83, ret. usmc sgt maj from texas, i knew they were going to pull his dr. lic.
so being the only one of 3 that gives a darn, i moved mr. miseralble up here to live with me..yee haw.. he complains about EVERYTHING, I am tired folks,, tired of him calling me names, his complaints, yes they pulled his lic. hes been here for over a year, they pulled it 3 weeks ago.. i have NO life if i go any where, mr. miserable is with me, except bed, bathroom, and work. he doesnt want to do anything but he doesnt want me to do anything either.. I AM NOT HIS WIFE ~ I am sick of trying to entertain him, 5 hours of cards ~~ regularly while he complains then too, he has no company in texas, he did nothing in texas, he does more here, has gr. kids and great gr. kids here, 2 dogs, a cat, i got him a bigger PC screen, and more.. i work, cook clean, mow the yard,,ru
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Greatest61..... are we related??? I think we're sharing the same mother!! Only difference I see is that mine is 84. All kidding aside, I share the frustration of constant negativity about her AL facility, the food, the people, the activities, etc. I also feel like I simply have no more patience in reserve anymore. EVERY suggestion I make is met with an inane reason of why it won't work. Now I steel myself before walking in for each visit. I try to talk about happy things and just ignore or gloss over the caustic remarks about her AL facility neighbors and her creative reasons for wanting nothing to do with them. I guess she really does enjoy being alone and doesn't need friends in their lives... How sad tho.
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The negativity is something I find so difficult to deal with. It just seems like once I'm in her presence, I must fight to keep from being drawn downward into that bottomless pit of "the negative." I must say here that my mom is been negative most all of her life but the recent years have been much harder. I try not to respond to all the criticizing and complaints as some of those neither of us have any control over. However, when I return from visiting her, I'm completely exhausted. I always take my dog when I visit as, not only does my mom enjoy her, but the other residents do as well. She is a bright spot!
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It certainly is hard to stay patient with your loved one when they act they way yours does. You just kind of have to accept that is the way they are. Have you discussed or told them how you feel, in a nice way, of course? Sometimes they don't realize how unpleasant their behavior is. An elder person's attitude changes as they realize they can no longer have the life the way it used to be and because they feel they know they are declining. My Mom is mostly pleasant but she drives me nuts asking the same questions like did you lock the door when I just told her I did. She complains about the people and food at her AL facility all the time and I just listen and offer suggestions, which she won't accept. Sometimes I actually yell at her because she is so annoying but she responds by giving a reason for the way she is. I love her dearly even though she is extremely negative, but I try to cherish every moment I have left with her because she is 92.
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Exhauseted -you are doing what needs to be done not treating every request as an emergency-I would continue to meet her needs in your own way-maybe only 2 or so needs be met in a week-that is the only way she will learn the world does not revolve around her. When I get my Mon's vemon I just do not call her for a while.
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It seems a little comforting to know we are not alone with our concerns and there are sympathetic ears out there going through it with you.
Yes, it crazy that the caregiver is the one who can never seem to do anything good enough, while other uninvolved siblings & family are never in the wrong.
Human nature seems so dysfunctional at times. I guess it's up to us to gently remind them "I understand your reasons for not feeling happy, but I'd rather a hug then your tongue, for doing my best each day."
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Sometimes I think that the reason every new day seems to bring a new need, a new demand, a new errand to run, a new crisis that wasn't there the day before, is that when mom sits in her small apartment, alone with her thoughts, she feels that the only way she can still be vital and a part of this life is if she finds reasons to control something -- anything, by creating imagined emergencies, or crises that she can get people (me) to respond to. Thats the only way to be sure she's not forgotten in the hustle and bustle of life outside of her space. For some reason she doesn't want friends, doesn't want interaction on a positive note -- her life is consumed with thoughts only of herself. So every day, I get the call --" I need my blood pressure monitor. You must have packed it away, find it and bring it to me right away." Next day, "I need a hard wooden chair (even though she has two in her livingroom), go to the storage unit and get me two of my dining room chairs." Next day, "I need this or that new over-the-counter med -- or new prescription, etc." Next day.... you get my drift... It is insanely draining, and weighs on your mind every day that you delay in meeting her latest demand, but its life as you know it. And no sooner do you fulfill one demand when the next one is waiting in the wings. I try to keep in my mind the thought that that may be me someday, alone in that small apartment hoping the world won't forget me, so I will keep doing what I know I need to do, but I will do it on my terms, and according to my own schedule. Its the only control I feel I have over my own sanity sometimes.
God bless!
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