My mom has dementia it started 6yrs ago. My roll in her care was forced on me by my sisters who *have lives*have kids*have 3 jobs The sister who has all these things going on calls me and says (get this) Mom needs help and YOU have plenty of time to take care of her and I don't YOU have NO kids at home NO job (I'm disabled ) no this and that. Mom went down hill very fast but in the beginning it was mostly her playing her kids against each other (to see who would give in first) well it was me and I did everything she wanted when & how she wanted cuz I love her so when I was feeling played by everyone I started to resent her the most cuz it was her doing that was making it happen. I basically had enough one night that we went to the Dr. they didn't give her her pain med rx and refused replace it ending in withdrawals in 24hrs With that happening she began dramatically crying banging on everyone's doors at 3am waking the bldg up. I tried to make her calm down but she just kept on for the sympathy and drama so I said lets go to the ER (no I cant I refuse to go you just want me out of here) drama continues she shuts off everyone's elec by the breakers my son fixed that problem she is still a drama queen dramatically crying very loudly (2yr old aren't this loud) I asked her if she wanted to go to the ER again now its 3 hrs later with all of this crap. I said I'll drive you NO I WANT A AMBULANCE still loud and crying. ..I said its on its way Instantly she is calm no tears and says I have to change her underwear(5 days dirty she hates to shower) its a fight everytime. So this woman in pain who cant walk cant stop crying or do anything for herself starts trotting across the yard and the ambulance stops 100ft up the driveway from the house gets a wheelchair she yells I don't need that climbs quickly into the back of it happy an healthy as a pig in poo. I didnt go I was mentally and physically exausted 4 months out of back surgery and had enough. So the Nurse calls and says why didn't you come with your Mother I told him why I could tell he didn't believe me and quickly proceeded to tell me she told him I dont feed her I dont give her her meds I an mean to her etc SO let me tell you my response I said you have a list of her meds run the blood work etc and see if her thyroid meds are in her her BP etc and you will know she gets them everyday at the designated times she set and she gets them from my husband because she refuses to take them from I am pissed beyond belief I called that TOO BUSY WHO HAS & A LIFE SISTER and told her here you go make time for her because she is your problem now (my mother bs she was giving me was mostly because of my Aunt and sisters telling her she needed to demand what she wants if she dont get it when she wants and she needs to make someone do it. My son and his gf (they work, pay rent for their apt and want to live their lives before they start a family)
So she stepped into a pile of $h$t when I made her daughter take care of her she was pissed when the daughters dumped her in a nursing home. They gave her what she gave all of us when she walked away from her 10yr old for a man who hates kids an she was raised by her drunk father. Karma kicked her butt this time. Then she was having problems there she was sexually agressive with the men and their wives and families wanted her gone because she became sneekier to get close to them (she has always been like this to some degree but more so with Dementia) I had to get her out because the sisters dumped her there and took all her money an got what they wanted and ran. I got her in assisted living and she started up again the first week they called me to tell me they dont want her there. They gave her another chance still had problems and after 1yr she wore out her welcome there as well so now she is with me AGAIN and back to her old horrible self. No help or contact from the sisers she calls but don't answer. Where do I go from here when deep down inside I love her I love the old her before Dementia I was always her favorite but on a scale of 1 to 10 of being a favorite 3 was the best she could do a husband and friends were always a 10
I want to be a great daughter to her but I try and when she is rotten to me all the bad times come rushing to the top. IT HURTS WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEONE WHO TREATS YOU LIKE CRAP
im trying to find a councilor for myself an work it out to be a better daughter but this forum might be really good because we all have so many experience to pass on to help others with our life stories. Thank you all for reading all of this and for any advice you can pass on.

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I didn't come up with this solution but read it here from a smart poster - I think it's brilliant for situations such as yours: the next time she goes to the ER by ambulance do not pick her up. Tell them you are unable to give her the care she needs - if you need a reason, site your back, but really all you need to repeat is - you are unable to care for her. Most likely they will pressure you to come get her - may even say you have to, that you are responsible to - but that is not true unless your are her legal guardian. A hospital social worker will probably become involved but they know how to find a placement for your mom. It may not be a perfect place but at least it won't be your place.
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I hope venting here has helped you let off some steam. That is one of the good functions of this forum.

Yes, it is hard to love someone who treats you like crap. Yes, you'd like to be a great daughter. But you certainly don't have a great mother!

It is extremely hard to be part of a dysfunctional family. I urge you to find a therapist or counselor -- not to learn how to be a great daughter, but to finds ways to cope with the dysfunctional family background.

As to mother's care: Why on earth is she with you AGAIN? I know you explained why she got kicked out of AL, but how is that your problem? You should have had them find another placement for her. And that is what you should do now. Find another placement for her. She DOES NOT BELONG WITH YOU. Really. Find another solution.
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