Lost ALL of my patience...and feeling like I have lost myself. Ever felt like this?

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Hi. I'm at the end of my rope with my dementia mother. I don't have any more patience, I'm burned out, fed up, and have no anything anymore. I feel like I'm in a living hell in my own house which doesn't even seem like my husband's and mine anymore. I feel like I have nothing left not even me. Ever felt like you've gone to the end and can't bounce back? My bounceback is used up and gone.

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Yup. All the time. blou
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Well im lucky i have neighbours who swear by the one i would place mum in and they
a great reputation! I think you really need to shop around and get as much info as you can best to go and visit and ask other families how they feel about the care?
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So many times I read how dreadful the nursing homes are on the inside, that I am wondering who runs or owns these poorly run facilities? Are they public run or privately owned? I have nothing to base my curiously except for what I read on this website, and I know this website is worldwide.

I've been previewing some of the many facilities here in my area [northern Virginia here in the States] and what I have seen so far are clean well cared places. Some better looking than others, but with caring staff. Just planning ahead in case my parents can no longer care for themselves in their own house.
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Ypiffani and Kazza: LastOne here. I do totally get how you feel. It does drain the life out of you. And it is difficult being the bad guy or "bitch" or whatever the terminology might be. Personally, I find it horrifying when I look at who I was and who I've become. It is a very polarizing feeling and it makes you feel raw and horrible about yourself. This is not an easy task - and I want to ask myself why I am doing it. But it is difficult to put them in a home when you know what most of those places are like inside. It would haunt me daily. I feel like I'm picking between two evils. No easy answers here - just want to find some peace and understanding in each day and just a thread of understanding from the person you are caring for. For when that light of understanding happens for them --- it's like letting the flood gates of emotions pour out. This all is so soul wrenching. Stay in touch - okay? In understanding how you both feel -- I remain-- LastOne.
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Yes when mum was just ill from siezure,heartattack whatever else i did everything for her happily but this mental illness is hard very hard. If she was a docile old lady then fine but shes always angry and abusive everyday is an argument shes always right yesterday i was a "bitch" today she told doc she was glad i was there??? Drains the life out of you!
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I am bawling right now reading this.... I know exactly how you feel. I used to be kind and gentle and patient. I am a monster now. I care for Dementia Dad 24/7 with NO help from sibs or kids or anyone. I have done this for years. I just posted a question about how he can be so horrible to me and when he sees everyone else he's a totally different person. I have nothing and I mean NOTHING left to give to anyone. I feel your pain and anguish. I don't like myself anymore. I hope we both find help soon, I am pushing with placing him. anywhere, even a town away. I have to get out of here soon, I honestly fear for MY safety. Bless you for posting this and I will send you love and patience and strength... be kind to yourself, you've earned it.
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Get her into a NH near you asap put her name down now! Count yourself lucky shes in your house and youre not in hers like i am! I know its hard but im heading this way soon! Yep enough is enough we will ALL get to this stage sooner or later we cannot do this 24/7 if you care about her and your relationship then shes better off in a NH so you can be her daughter again!
Ive just seen mums geriatrician he said she is still competent enough to do what she wants but that im not to worry she will get worse and placing her will be easier soon!!!!! Yeepee! i want my life back NOW!
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LastOne, one thing I keep telling myself is that not everyone can be a caregiver.... just like not everyone can be a brain surgeon, a pilot, a farmer, a teacher, a police officer, etc.

And in fact with my age, my health issues, and having zero training in caregiving, I wouldn't even have a chance in being hired by an agency to be in that line of work. I need to keep reminding myself when and if the time comes where my parents think I should physically care for them.

Some how, some way, my parents will need to move into a facility that has 3 eight hour shifts of caregivers, or hire 3 shifts to help at home.... caregivers that when their shift is done, they go back to their life.... caregivers that get sick leave, and vacation leave... and are fresh on the job every day they work.

We need to do what is best for our parent(s)... and being in a house with someone who has had no training, no patience, no energy, and a lot of sleepless nights, that is not in the parent(s) best interest.

I rather pay higher taxes if said taxes would go for the caring of ALL seniors that need help... either at a nice nursing home or with in-home care using professionals.
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Hi Nansacola. How do you get your bounceback to return on a daily basis? How do you find the joy in yourself again? In the past when I would help others I had joy in my heart - now I find darkness and more darkness. I just feel like running away. If I did I would never give my whereabouts to family or my mother. I feel like I am so done.
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Call your mom's doctor and leave the same message you just posted here. Get her help; you can't do this 24/7; it's NOT humanly possible.
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