My crystal ball is cloudy and I need a little perspective from those who have gone before me.

Six months ago, my parents sold their home of 33 years in a rural part of Utah and moved into an apt near me in Oregon. They are 86 and 87, doing pretty well on their own, but both have medical issues, both have fallen a few times, Dad is pretty much confined to his scooter, Mom uses a walker, they can't be trusted with med management and both need "stand-by" shower assistance.

Currently we have a caregiver coming in 4 hours per day, M-F to help with morning meds, meals, showers etc. I generally stop by nights and weekends, but don't live with them. I worry about them at night although they can (and have) called 911.

Mentally, Dad's memory is good, but he is stubborn, angry and verbally abusive a lot of the time to myself and Mom. The stress is definitely affecting her mind and memory, which is growing worse by the day. Her doctor's evaluation is that she is ready for AL

I started looking a AL places several months ago and have done quite a bit of research. Created my spreadsheets, charts, graphs, talked to nurses, stopped by at all hours, etc. trying to "analyze" and choose the best option.
The criteria I started with was that the facility had to take Medicaid once their money runs out, AND that they had memory care services (so that I wouldn't have to move them). I already feel terribly guilty about moving them from their small town life. In retrospect, I probably should have moved them into a small apt there and hire a caregiver, but I would only get to see them once a year or so, just like the last 33 years.) I digress.

My problem is, two of the AL facilities I like best don't have a memory care unit.
I know my Mom will get worse as time goes by, so should I stick with my original plan of choosing a facility with both AL & memory care? OR, just go with one I like and deal with the possibility of having to move her later? At this point I am assuming Dad will go (grudgingly) where Mom goes.

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We picked an ALF that nurses on site, a must, and has the adjacent memory care unit, making any transition smooth AND if only one needs the memory care, the other is just down the hall and they can visit. There's 20++ pages of paperwork and documentation and evaluation during a move, financial aid etc and that creates delays if you are working with different management teams. Try to keep it all under one umbrella .
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i'm in the same boat only my mom lives with me and she is nasty and abusive at times.. you get very good advice here. i'm waiting to see some of your replies. you have alot of support here .. i'm wondering when the time is to right to put mom in memory care... i have no idea when you make the decision to do it ... i'm sending you hugs and support .. lets see what the others say ..
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